I had hip replacement 4 months ago. Unfortunately I need to get my second hip done. I suffered in pain for 9 months prior to surgery. My only support group is my caregiver. She is awesome, but weekends are not good. I am working on finding a caregiver for at least 4 hrs a day for weekends. My husband is lost, doesn’t know me and cannot find normal household things…refrigerators microwaves, bedrooms, bathroom, etc. he has Lewy body dementia. He is very sweet, we have been married for 54 years. I am mentally and emotionally drained since any thing that he needs, when the caregiver is not here is my responsibility. I cannot walk without a walker. Luckily we have long term insurance that covers him for at least 5 years plus savings and a we own our home free and clear. Advice on how to cope?
It seems pretty clear to me that you need to place your husband at least temporarily in Memory Care while you recover.
Can you get your doctor to recommend a rehab stay for your second hip?
It’s obvious how much you love him but you have to take care of yourself too.
Please consider placing your husband in a facility so you can heal properly. Some facilities offer respite care. This would be a good way to see if this is the best fit for him in the long run.
Best wishes to you and your husband. Take care.
How long do you have to wait to get your second hip done? At that point, you should try to go to rehab and have hubby go somewhere for respite care so you can get the care you need. Even if you come straight home, still put him in respite care so you can recover.
Find yourself a weekend helper ASAP. Do you have any leads? Does your caregiver? They often have friends in the business too. I don't really think that 4 hours a day is enough on the weekends. This is a LOT on you and you are not in the physical condition to be able to currently handle it. Emotionally it's very difficult too so more help is better.
Have you thought about the two of you going into assisted living? You could at least have some support - meals, cleaning, laundry, etc.
I agree, find a place that will take husband temporarily. You may find he acclimates well there and he can stay. LD is one of the hard ones. They can become violent and aggressive.
Hire people who are able and interested in taking your husband out of the house to provide stimulation and exercise for him and time for you to emotionally refresh/regroup in your space.
Don’t delay addressing your own health needs (get your other hip replaced as soon as possible) if you want to live under less stress.
If you must seek a higher level of care, don’t feel sad, utilizing this option may result in incredible relief and it may even extend your life.
Employees also have certain expectations from their employer. They expect to get paid on time and good working condition that is free from any kind of hazardous condition. A good treatment is expected from the employer by each and every employee, and this is expected by a care worker as well. As a care worker, there are certain rights and responsibilities that they can expect from their employer. Their rights and responsibilities across different domain areas are discussed as follows:
Health and Safety
It is the right of a care worker to get proper working condition that ensures safety of their health condition. The care worker has the right to know about the health and safety in the working condition they are expected to work on. They can also participate in decisions that can have an impact on their health and safety related matters. It is the responsibility of employer to make sure that care worker get a proper working condition that is sound and safe. The working environment should not pose any major threat in the process of providing care services to the patient. Employee therefore has the right to refuse working in condition that can directly affect their health and safety.
Confidentiality
With respect to confidentiality, the care worker has the right to expect privacy of their data by their employer. It is the responsibility of employer to safeguard and protect the privacy of their worker by way of managing the data properly. The employer should not utilise the data about the care workers for their personal benefit such as selling their data to marketing companies. This implies that it is not only the care workers that need to maintain privacy with respect to clients’ data, but the employer is also required to maintain sufficient confidentiality and privacy with regards to the care workers employed.
Working Time
The care workers should not be bound or forced to work overtime, and it is the responsibility of employer to specify the working hours as applicable to an employee during a week. Care workers also have the right to request for flexible working and also the right to take unpaid time off during emergency without affecting their employment.
Pay and Wages
It is the right of care worker to get paid for the work they do. They are therefore expected to get paid as per National living wage policy applicable in the country. Care workers can also request for payment in case when the employer fails to provide any work, and the care worker is available for work. In such a situation, the care worker has the right to get paid their pay as agreed with the employer.
These are some of the important employment rights and responsibilities available to care worker. For further assistance in relation to care workers employment rights and responsibilities, contact the expert of student life Saviour for.
Matilda
If in the future you do need additional help financially to pay for the In Home Care, please look into programs that help with that. We have one here called IRIS. There should be something similar in every state.
They will help pay for not only the care, but things needed in the home. It could actually cover care for both of you, if you find you need a little assistance yourself. You decide who you want for caregivers. IRIS also allows family and live-in caregivers such as yourself. So it could help you both out financially.
God Bless you both!
It sounds like you do not have the psychological, emotional or physical ability to care for him / his needs, and struggling to manage your own.
Clearly, you do not have the ability to care for him as needed, for HIS safety and YOURS.
Have you discussed this with him?
Are you open to this?
I know it must be excruciatingly difficult to consider however it sounds like it is a necessary for you to cope / manage your own (quality of) life.
And, then he will get the 24/7 care he needs.
Gena / Touch Matters
Now is the time to get weekend help. Gettting that established will go a long ways to making it work out when you have that 2nd hip done.
Worrying about your DH when you need to focus on your own healing is too much. I wish I had hired a 3 day a week aide for when I was dealing with cancer, and then later, when I had major ankle surgery and was unable to walk for 14 weeks! I still did all the 'everything' with running a home. DH just is not wired for household chores. He just--can't. And didn't.
If someone had just been able to come in and prep meals, do a little light cleaning and make beds and run the vaccuum around--that would have been heavenly. I didn't need care, but my home DID!
You've PAID for LTC, use it. Mother spent a small fortune on LTC and never used it. 4/5 of us kids thought she could have greatly benefitted from it, but the one who had the final say, kept her from ever having outside help. When he'd complain about mom's needs, we'd remind him that she could get the care she needed and he'd back off.
This is not just for you, but for you and your DH. If you're worried about him, then you won't heal well and you need to, short term and long.
Contact "A Place for Mom" and the care advisor here to plan visits.
The only other alternative I can think of is self pay home care for all of his waking hours so someone else provides his needs. I say this because you didn't mention any relatives that could come in and fill in the blanks for your current caregiver.
if you don’t feel like respite care for him is doable then you need to either add hours for your regular caregiver to at least 8 hrs a day and find a weekend caregiver for 8 hrs as well. I’m not really sure that enough for the first week or two you are home though. You need to be able to simply focus on yourself and your recovery for a few weeks at least. I’m curious what did you do with your husband while you had surgery the last time, while you were gone I mean? What did you do during your recovery and what was the backup plan if you needed to stay in the hospital a few days longer, what is it should something else emergent happen to you? Whatever you employed during the surgery and or your back up plan is likely something you need to use again and I strongly urge you to extend that care and go into acute rehab yourself then for recovery the first week or so. Whatever is recommended and it probably depends on your area and surgeon but often I know they ask or encourage residential rehab for major orthopedic surgery patients who live alone and I’m sure they would do that for you if they knew the responsibility you have at home.
Obviously the first hip recovery along with the care of your husband was too much since your trying to prepare differently for this second surgery and taking the best care possible of yourself is so important that you know the answer to your original question, 8-2 five times a week isn’t enough even without hip surgery. Prior to his dementia would this sweet man you married want you harming yourself to care for him, would he want you to jeopardize your recover from this surgery or make it any harder? I doubt the answer is yes to any of these questions, he was looking forward enough to get LTC insurance so you would both be well cared for in the event there was a need. Maybe it’s time to let him take care of you by letting the policy take care of him.