For past 3 years my brother/wife & I/husband have rotated coming to Alabama to support my parents living independently. Parents always reimburse us for the apartment we stay in, utilities, & gas spent transporting/driving down. There is no financial burden on us. Dad died in Dec 2019 & mom’s in mental decline. Now instead of just providing transportation, laundry & occasional respite, mom needs someone living with her to ensure she takes her meds/eats. She still takes care of her own hygiene most of the time, gets around with a walker, can do simple foods, & self-amuses. She bought a house that’s big enough for her & a live-in couple. So instead of us renting an apartment, we’re moving in with her (rotating who’s here). My brother decided he wants to be compensated. He will come this next time with the details of what that means. What is a reasonable amount to compensate? He has a history of inflating prices in his dealings with family & then not necessarily doing the work. I want to be fair while fulfilling my fiduciary responsibilities. I have POA.
let me tell ya, looking back it’s understandable how AL was getting short of 9000 a month. As her PD turned to dementia the last 2 Yrs of her life, she would have been in MC at 1200 a month. I gave her a good deal and after she died I received 10,000, from what was left. Sister could have left us out of that inheritance, everyone knew she got a good deal living with us. It was tough work, I learned a lot. I would do it again, but not for less.
I make up her meds and make sure she takes them, do housework, go to doctors appointments with her (because she lies like a rug and tells them what she wants them to hear not what they need to hear). Cut the grass, take care of the garden, shovel the driveway in the winter, take out the garbage, make sure she does her exercises.
I did this for two years with no pay until someone told me I should be getting 1,500 a month. Whenever I mention this she tells me I should, in effect, be kissing her @ss because she puts a roof over my head, food in my belly and clothes on my back (which she gets for free at the church clothes give away).
Meanwhile she gives money every month to her ufpos (useless, freeloading pieces of sh%t ) elder son and granddaughter living in another city who have not come down to help me in the time I have been here.
Her doctor has told her that if I leave, she will be put in a seniors home. She insists she can live alone but she knows better.
One thing to note is that if you are a live in caregiver you must put it in writing when you leave and have the doctor sign a document that they have received said notice.
Otherwise, you could be charged with reckless abandonment, senior abuse and another charge that I cannot remember. That happened to someone here whose mother threw him out then cried to the police that he abandoned her. He had a tough time clearing himself.
Believe me these folks know how to be drama queens and manipulative.
I live in Ontario Canada. If anybody knows what rights live in caregivers have and web sites please help me out with their web site.
As for this situation, if he is doing the same amount of work he should be compensated.
Another thing to note is that being a caregiver is the most stressful thing you can do. Anybody want to challenge me on that I dare you to take of an aged parent for a year and see what it takes out of you.
I would say we are the silent suffers in society.
It might be a better long term solution
If he plans to continue rotation, but with payment, there's going to be issues later on that you would never think would happen in your family. To avoid the nastiness that will arise when the estate has to be settled - he will have been draining the finances and will still get his share of the leftovers. The rest of you get leftovers and that's it - talk to an elder attorney and set up the same payment arrangement for all siblings Everyone gets paid the same and everyone will get the same split when estate is settled.
Of course, this arrangement will spend her money up faster so you have to consider what will be done when/if her cash money is all gone and she still needs care. Will everyone go back to free rotation work? Will mom go to a facility?
The elder attorney can do a legal contract and help you with paperwork to report these earnings to IRS because everyone will need to report the earnings to prevent problems for mom later on if she needs a Medicaid bed (if she ran out of cash money). Otherwise, it could be viewed as gifting to a child and all of you would have to figure out how to pay for a facility during her penalty period that Medicaid does not pay anything.
There always has to be that ONE person who figures out how to make a buck off mama, isn't there. At least your rotation deal worked out for a while. Many of us on this site have plenty of siblings and they don't even do that much. Just remember that hired caregivers (not w/an agency) are going to make about $15 an hour (maybe more/less in your area) and brother might be wanting 24/7 pay. If he moves in and saves on his own rent or mortgage/utils, those things need to be considered as part of his payment, in my opinion, all of the bills for the house (cable,phone,utils, etc)
I hope you will clip My2cents answer and show it to your siblings. They may balk at having to go to an Elder Attorney and report income on their taxes, but the more formal the arrangement the better.
Three additional reasons to support paying your brother and wife:
1) Leave mom's estate plan in place. Feelings that he is due more, because he cared for mom is compensated on a weekly basis, not from her will or trust after her death.
2) Don't know how old your brother and his wife are, but if getting paid a modest amount allows your brother to hold off taking Social Security until 70 1/2 for the higher benefit amount, then that can be a win for your mom and them.
3) If they are not yet of retirement age then it may be important to continue to pay into Social Security for purposes of calculating future benefit. $0 years can drag down the average.
Are both you/ husband and brother/ wife retired ?. Is that what gives you freedom to do what you have been doing ? You have eluded to the fact that brothers does not always deliver what he says. I suggest you listen to his proposal and go from there . I might also run it my an elder attorney..
Detailing what he or his wife will do in the contract.
I would suggest adding in that the contract should be reviewed every 6 months. The reason I suggest that is as your mom declines the work that they will do will increase.
Are you going to continue to go down and help with the rotation or will it be just your brother and his wife? If you go down to help out where will you stay? Will it be at that house with them or are you going to have to rent a place? If so who will pay for that?
Who will take over for your brother and his wife when they need a break. No one can do this 24/7/365 they will need time off. And if they are to be actual employees legally they can not work 24/7.
Their income will have to be reported. Taxes will have to be taken out.
"Room and Board" is not part of their pay.
If you check the cost of what a caregiver gets in the area your mom lives that would give you a base as to what they should be compensated. If BOTH are caring for your mom. But if it is the wife that will be caring for her and your brother is going to have an outside job then he would not get paid for caring for her. Unless he did either caregiving or work on the house to keep it maintained.
An agency would charge less for a caregiver that is a "basic" caregiver. In some areas a caregiver can not give medication so if your mom is taking medication an agency might charge you ore because a nurse would have to be assigned. Although hiring privately you can instruct a caregiver to give medication. There are different regulations that an agency has to follow.
Again, whatever contract you come up with I would review it every 6 months because the work will increase.
You're entering a minefield, and no sooner have you taken the first step than you're facing a fork in the path, even on just the amount of compensation itself -
1. compensating the caregiver for lost earnings (which could vary from 0 to sky's the limit, depending on each person's employment status AND potential, which is even more complicated when there's a rotating schedule as you have among you);
2. comparing rates with those of commercial/professional services, but in that case - as you've already spotted - you have to nail down what's included. And you may find that that in itself is a bit like nailing down blancmange.
Please let us know how the discussions go, I think you may become a valuable case study (in a good way!!!).
Explain to him that payment for in home care over $600.00 has to be reported to the IRS as income. Since he has not been paid in the past, what has changed now? Actual work that he might be expected to do?
otherwise look for outside caregiving either in her home or
assisted living....
Good luck
The $600.00 a month may be based on staying under the income level to have to file a tax return?
Siblings have nothing to do with any agreement between you and mom. Maybe you are misunderstanding? Maybe it was a keep the peace concern?
On the other hand, a gift of $600 does not.
Grace + peace,
Bob
Are you receiving state benefits or disability or something, and is that why you are limited to only being able to receive $600/month?
https://www.irs.gov/businesses/small-businesses-self-employed/family-caregivers-and-self-employment-tax
Some elderly have lots of cash and do not need to think about future need for Medicaid, then fine, they will never have to provide Medicaid five years of financial account information. If there are gifts detected then the Medicaid eligibility is denied until those sums are repaid or a penalty period is up.
What is the gift amount now? $15,000.00? The care that bro will be providing is certainly more than that! The gift amount has absolutely nothing to do with Medicaid qualification. In fact, in the IRS bulletin about gifting, tax free, there should be mention about the impact on Medicaid qualification if gifting is done. This catches many families off guard.
When Medicaid denies a claim due to gifting some other option is needed for the elder until the amount gifted is worked off or paid out of someone's pocket based on your states cost of nursing homes. There needs to be a care agreement in place and medically necessary care provided and all taxes and other deductions withheld for Medicaid to grant coverage when money has been doled out, even if it is for legitimate care.
https://www.elderlawanswers.com/how-gifts-can-affect-medicaid-eligibility-10006
https://www.elderlawanswers.com/medicaids-asset-transfer-rules-12015
You need a contract to maintain mom's Medicaid eligibility in case that becomes an issue. Mom will become an employer so taxes, etc will be deducted from any payment.
If bro is paid, you should be too.
Good luck!
You'll get a variety of answers on this idea, because some people are opposed to paying family members citing family duty, and others are very clear that the sacrifice to your own personal life and savings make paying for care for a family member absolutely ok. I'm on the side of paying for care if your mom has the means, but everyone needs to be transparent about expectations and reimbursements because when siblings and spouses are involved there's always the chance of feelings getting messy...
this is probably more formal than what you need, but you could create an official care plan and compare the costs of rent something like this article lays out.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/hiring-a-live-in-caregiver-pros-and-cons-462329.htm