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My mom has very poor hearing that keeps getting worse. She has many other health problems such as heart failure, mild dementia, and a bad back. Despite these health issues, she LOVES to talk. However, it is very hard to communicate with her because she cannot hear, unless you shout. This is very difficult when we have family over. She wants to be included in conversations and we want her to be included in them, but even when you shout, she still doesn't always hear if it is a group of people. When this happens she gets mad and cries. She thinks that we don't want to talk to her. This is very hard on me. However she will not wear hearing aids. I feel like if she did wear hearing aides, it would be much easier to talk to her and she would be much happier.

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Is she worried about the expense? Would she be willing to try a personal amplifier?
If it is vanity that is holding her back you might try pointing out that her deafness emphasises her age much more than hearing aids would.
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rocketdog Nov 2018
Where can I get an amplifier for her?
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With ALZ and Dementia it may not just be Moms hearing. It maybe how she processes. I found with Mom when you talked to her she was still trying to process the first couple of words and I was going onto something else. People with ALZ/ Dementia get overwhelmed in crowds. Like children, they get over stimulated.
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Point out to her other aides she uses to maintain a level of independence. Glasses, dentures, wheelchair, walker, etc.
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I deal with that problem as well. Extremely frustrating. My solution has been to (shout) at my husband to tell him that IF he wants me to answer him, talk to him, he MUST wear his hearing aids. If he doesn't, I won't. He doesn't like it, but it is HIS decision whether or not he wants a conversation with me. Don't make the mistake of taking on someone else's problem as yours. It isn't yours. It is hers. I realize that older people can become steadfast in their actions/reactions - my husband is 87. But stick with it. if you don't want to be confrontational, you could (shout) to advise your mom, that you will leave the room if she wants to talk to you without hearing aids. Even if she just puts them in for the short time you are talking with her, then takes them out again (they may bother her ears). Hope this helps. Remember, if you are to be there for HER, you have to take care of YOURSELF first.
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Its hard for the elderly to wear hearing aides. Ur Mom has Dementia and its hard to do an eval if they can't follow directions or process. Then they won't wear them and have a hard time adjusting with the small wheels on the aide. As a person who has been married to a man who has had hearing problems since he was 4, even with a hearing aide Mom will have trouble in crowds. Its hard to concentrate on one conversation when more are going on around you. This is true for grandmom now. She needs to be in a small group of people with no background noise. Her and maybe two others. Each person looking at her when they talk. No talking over each other.
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Has she worn hearing aids before? or does she refuse to wear the hearing aids she has now?

If so, the problem might be comfort. Mine -- the behind-the-ear kind, with a tiny cone on a clear wire all that goes into the ear -- came with cones that were too big for me, uncomfortable when in and almost impossible to get placed correctly. My audiologist replaced them with cones from a different brand. I wear 'tiniest possible' in one ear and 'only one size bigger than that' in the other.

I also notice a problem with manual dexterity. When my hands are stiff or trembling I have trouble getting them in right, and changing those tiny batteries can be a nightmare.

If they're adjusted too loud - say, because my hand trembled when I tried to adjust with those tiny controls - they're intolerable. The solution to that turned out to be a device I can wear on my belt or around my neck that has bigger buttons.

Hearing aids, no matter how good, can be unbearable in noisy environments.
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There is a hearing amplifier that can be set on a nearly table or worn around the neck or in a pocket with a outlet for standard ear buds and head phones that can work better than hearing aids for many older people. They are about the size of a transistor radio. The switches are larger and easier to work and they can take the headphones off/on when they want. They are a lot less expensive than hearing aids too - only $30-50.
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I am 81 and have been wearing hearing aids for almost 20 years. Not only are they expensive (although less so than 20 years ago), they are tiny, hard to keep up with, hard to manipulate, easy to lose and step on. The first ones I got were actually the best, but maybe that was because I was younger. They were molded to fit my ear and completely in the canal. And cost $5000 a pair, but I had a good job then. My hearing continues to go downhill, and the last pair of hearing aids I got 2 years ago at an audiology school are already not enough. They are behind the ear, and very easy to knock off if you are always putting your reading glasses on and off as I am. Still, not being able to hear your grandchildren is motivation enough for me.
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gdaughter Oct 2018
When you are ready to get new ones, seriously give Costco a try.  You do have to be a member, but the people at our local one are terrific.  By law hearing aid places must let you try them X number of days, but Costco's policy is far longer, and as the staff is not on commission, they don't care or pressure you to buy or keep them.  My mom's rechargeables are already not the newest, and no playing with the batteries except once a year, and Costco folks will be happy to install them...you just put them in their charging cup at night, and you're good to go in the AM for about 15 hours I believe.  And if it doesn't work out, they will refund your membership as well.  Also a good place to get some walking exercise even if you don't buy...if it's difficult to get to maybe you could trade the use of your membership discount to take someone with you shopping who gives you a ride (but they are on to it all so YOU will have to be the one you hands over the money:-)
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Perhaps you could try making a written notice that says 'You cannot hear us and we cannot keep shouting. You must get a hearing aid. Then we can talk.' Get multiples made, and put one in front of her each time. She will cry a couple of times, but after that she may get it. Cuddle her and point at the notice.
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I already answered once, but reading other replies made me think of something that I did not see mentioned. First, I did not mention that I too wear hearing aids. I do not hear high pitched sounds at all, or so faintly that I don't notice them. My most recent visit to the audiologist gave me some new information, It seems that there is more than one reason for hearing difficulties. One - the most prevalent one - is loss of volume of sound. But a really sneaky one is an inability to decipher sounds. My audiologist told me that the decoding function is not an ear problem, it is a function of the brain. There is NO fix for that malfunction. Sorry to say, that is my problem. I will hear a word like - mile. I hear the long I in the middle of the word, but not the beginning or end of it. So many words I miss whether wearing hearing aids or not. So, often I don't use them. If your mom has been diagnosed with loss of volume - has she also been diagnosed for deciphering words she hears? If that is her main problem wearing hearing aids will not make much difference. The other difficulty might be that they hurt/bother her ears when they are in. If that is the case, see if you can get her to wear them only when she wants a conversation with you. She might be up to using them if she doesn't have to keep them in all the time. Hope some of this - along with other advise given - helps. I live with both sides of that issue and it isn't fun.
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