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My Mom of 88 is in rehab going into long term care and my sister keeps calling and begging her even after she told her no it is illegal to buy food for her with her snap card. She has also threatened her to call the police on Mom because of she gave one of her neighbors one pill of her medicine. Because the person needed something for pain. I don't think Mom realized it was against the law to do so. At her age she probably didn't think nothing of it. Even though it is. She also is telling Mother that I am going to jail because I'm using Mother's money and snap. I don't use either unless mother needs food or other things. Mother calls her bank and finds out about her own account. I have no access to her account. She trusts me and I will not or ever have misused her money or snap. She also tells her that she is going to have me arrested because of throwing her food out of the refrigerator at moms apartment when we went to clean out the apartment under the manager agreement. She is accusing us throwing out 150 dollars of food and their was nothing in there but a pack of ham opened ham, opened cheese, one qt milk, one qt coffee creamer half used and one qt buttermilk and some condiments that were almost empty that we threw out. Sister was not paying rent and was already told by manager to leave. Do I need to talk with the social worker and explain the situation? Mom is afraid for her to come in the facility where she is.

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Block sisters number on moms phone.
Tell the facility to disallow calls and visits from sister.
Speak with the social worker also to alert her to the abusive behavior from the daughter.
Shame on her.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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With your mother going into long term care, why does she need this apartment? It seems your priority is to move moms personal belongings out before returning the property to the landlord. It’s up to him to evict your sister once moms gone into an ltc.

Mom should inform the rehab and the ltc that she doesn’t wish to see sister. Sister may in fact disappear herself as it becomes clear that mom will no longer be able to unofficially share her public housing, food, drug or other benefits with anyone. Every penny of mom’s income minus 50-100 for haircuts and toiletries will go to the home. In fact, you may as well tell sister that has happened already and that the card has been canceled.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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Butterfly62 Apr 12, 2026
PeggySue2020
Mom told the manager of the apartment she would not be back to live in the apartment anymore. She gave us permission to clean her things out and also the Manager. That's why We cleaned it out. Mom will not tell anyone how sister treats her or report her. Mom has been under this abuse for years and we have not done anything because mom thinks something bad will happen to sister. Sister is blocked on my phone, we do not talk, because of her abusive behavior. I won't tolerate it. All of the processing will take a least another month during that time mom is still in control of her bank account.
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You asked this question about your sister and your mother's SNAP benefits a few days ago and received many responses. Why are you posting it again?
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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I mostly am asking what to do about the harassing that sister doing to mother. Not about mom buying food with snap card. Maybe I should have asked differently.
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Beedevil66 Apr 12, 2026
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As already suggested I agree that you can report your sister's abusive behavior to social worker/APS -- and tell sister that you'll be doing this. Then an investigation will ensue. She will likely counter with her lame "report you to the police" nonsense. Call her bluff because I promise they don't deal in civil issues. Unless there's an actual crime that was committed or someone's in danger, the cops are not who it gets reported to. "Roommate" issues are not the purview of the police.

You can get your Mom's permission to "temporarily" block your sister on her phone.

You can discuss getting a restraining order on sister.

If you aren't her PoA then you won't be able to ask the facility to block her visits.

You Mom needs to know that she has "loved" her daughter into dependance but that it's not too late for a little "tough love" to get her detached.
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Reply to Geaton777
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You need to start thinking about who has POA when your mom is no longer able to care for her own finances or make her own medical decisions. Even without POA you can alert the facility that your sister is difficult and they need to keep a watch out for her upsetting your mother. Your mother is not going to jail because she gave a neighbor one prescription pill.
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Reply to JustAnon
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Loaning one precription pill is not going to put Mom in jail unless...the person died because of it. Or maybe an adverse reaction?
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Geaton777 5 hours ago
How would anyone prove this? It's not theft, the cops will not come because there's nothing to report.
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Yes, speak with the SW and administration if you fear that the sister will make a scene at the facility. They need to be aware and the safety of all residents should come first over your sisters desire to visit if it is only to create a hostile situation with you and your mother. Seems like you and your mother have to deal with your sister hostile behaviour and are victims of her verbal abusive nature.

Who has POA? This should be done ASAP if your mother is still competent. And authorizations on all of her bank accounts too.

If your sister is so abusive and your mom is in fear a restraining order may be needed but should be the last resort approach.
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Reply to AMZebbC
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Now that your mom/you have told your sister no and it stuck your sister is going to have to come to the realization that you set a firm boundary and your mom/you mean what you say and will hold this boundary.

1. tell your sister that she can file any type of police report that she wants and give her the number to make the report. Any charges that your sister makes is going to require Proof. Since your sister would have to get that proof she will drop this.
2. Block your sister on your mother's phone.
3. Block your sister from visiting your mother in her new place. You can give them her full name and a description/picture.
4. Your sister will likely be evicted from her apartment. This will be traumatic for her and your/your mother.
5. When your sister is evicted that needs to be between your sister and the Manager etc. Don't enter into that fiasco.
6. Your sister is about to learn some hard lessons, let her.
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Reply to Jhalldenton
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Thanks to all of you!!!
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