How to handle what might be a petty theft at NH?

My mother has insisted from the first signs of dementia that people are stealing from her. Crazy things like the toilet plunger and insisting her caregivers stole her clothes to give to their grandchildren! In the nursing home things get mixed up with the other resident's things. Not saying theft doesn't happen, as I know it does. However I am sure she either misplaced the batteries or they went into her hearing aids and she doesn't remember.

My mother has insisted from the first signs of dementia that people are stealing from her. Crazy things like the toilet plunger and insisting her caregivers stole her clothes to give to their grandchildren! In the nursing home things get mixed up with the other resident's things. Not saying theft doesn't happen, as I know it does. However I am sure she either misplaced the batteries or they went into her hearing aids and she doesn't remember.

I see that you are noticing a change in your mother and at 95 it's expected. When other things start to go missing, I took pictures and showed my mother that everything was still there. See?, there it is! Don't forget that they stash their stuff away too!

Better to let the staff know that she has concerns about her property. The staff might be able to secure her batteries in a locked cabinet for her.

My mom actually has a locked room and a key of her own. She is aware enough to want a locked room, but not aware enough to understand that she misplaced something. When she can't find something that she moved, someone "stole" it. No matter if I ask how, the door is locked, someone stole it.

Recently she asked me if I needed a pillow. "Someone" left a pillow in her room. It's her own pillow from her bed, in one of her own pillowcases. She doesn't even recognize it as hers any longer and stuffed it into a drawer. I'm at the point now that I will slowly start removing a few things here and there that are not needed but hold some emotional attachment for me and which I'd rather have than see disappear.

Its true other residents will wander and Pilfer . I was sitting with My Mom and a woman wandered in and went through her drawers and I said " what are you Looking for ? " and she said " A note book "

Ghosts move things in the night. There's a ghost nun that steals a lot of things. Might even be little people, elves probably, many people have seen them.

Told to me by a lovely lady, living with dementia in an aged care home. ♥️

Hothouseflower: Just leave a few at best of the size thirteen hearing aid batteries with mom at a time. Keep the bulk of the batteries at the nurses' station. That is unusual that the life of the battery is only a few days. Mine last 8 weeks or more.

I learned that when it comes to nursing homes, almost everything WILL disappear at some point. Even if you label things, and notify the staff about the items, they will disappear.

You have to get used to only leaving things that are cheap, and that don't mean anything to you or your loved-one.

Besides the staff, other residents are well-known to roam from room to room.

Consider installing a camera, if it's allowed.

Get them at Costco, they are super cheap and come on a little wheel where you just punch out the two you need. If she only needs new ones every other day, she should leave them in the hearing aids on day one and put them in the storage case. Good chance that she does not remember if its day one or day two when they get changed, so the supply goes down faster while she thinks some one is taking them.

My Mom regularly accuses her caregivers of pilfering. She last accused a caregiver of taking Kleenex from her box. I'm considering installing a video camera. I think this is very common, and they won't let these issues go.
Good luck with this.

Having worked in nursing homes, I would definitely go with having the hearing aid and the batteries placed in the nurses med cart. Doesn't mean it can get lost there either but there is less chance of it getting lost.
I rather think in this case if it is just the batteries that are missing the likelihood is that another resident may be drifting into the room and taking them (not sure what the staff with do with batteries unless they have the same type of hearing aid) although the hallways in nursing homes are pretty empty after 10 pm so a resident wandering the hallway can easily be spotted. Of course, with the current under staffing at most facilities these days....... there are less eyes on the hallways.

The accusation of stealing is not new to the care giving or nursing staff. The real issue is how are you going to deal with your Mom's accusation.

I would approach the problem this way, assuming that you do NOT think someone is stealing them and that your Mom is in good mental health.

First listen to the complaint. Ask a lot of questions to your Mom about it. Be a crime investigator. How does she know that someone stole the batteries? Do you notice that a lot of the batteries are gone? Did she personally see anyone take it? How many did they take? Why does she think it is the night staff? Have the batteries moved locations? Is there a trash can nearby?

Then, go to the head nurse and tell the story. My Mom is saying that someone stole her hearing aid batteries. Do you have any idea why she is saying this? This is what she thinks. What can I do?

Then go back to your Mom and tell her. Mom I reported the problem. They suggest that we do xxx. Can we do xxx?

If she is memory impaired, a slightly different tact would be to give the batteries to the nurse and then make your Mom go to the Nurse's station to get the batteries.

My suspicion is that your Mom is putting in a battery, think that it is not working, then tossing the battery and putting in a new battery all within 30 minutes. With hearing aid batteries, one usually has to pull the tab, wait 3-5 minutes for air to fully charge the battery, then use it. If you put the battery in and use it immediately, it shortens the life of the battery immensely.

Another possibility is that your Mom's hearing occasionally is getting worse. In other words, she either cannot hear or cannot understand what someone is saying, and she automatically thinks it is the hearing aid battery (It isn't...hearing is like your eyes...some times, your ability to hear and comprehend is worse than other times...and usually worse when you are tired)

The other possibility is that your Mom is accidentally putting in the battery upside down, finding out that her hearing aid doesn't work, tosses the battery, and uses another one. I'm assuming that her hearing aids are custom fitted to her ear, therefore, it isn't possible for her to accidentally put the hearing aid in the wrong ear.

If you are unsure about if you have to wait to use the batteries, talk to your Mom's audiologist. When I started caring for my Mom, I talked to the audiologist about how many batteries my Mom was going through as I didn't think we should be using a set of batteries in a day.....then I found out about the wait time on the battery.

At my Mom's MC, the batteries for my Mom's hearing aid were kept with the prescription drugs. Each week, they changed the batteries on everyone's hearing aid. My Mom's batteries lasted 7-10 days per charge, and she removed the batteries from the hearing aids at night.

I highly suggest you talk to the nursing staff about your Mom's accusation about the stealing. There are behaviors they can modify, that will help your Mom feel safe and your accusations are not unique to them. However, your response to your Mom will build trust between you and your Mom, that she is being heard.

My grandmother in MC was careful about her own purse--to the extent that if she saw a purse, she assumed it was hers, and she'd "put it back where it belonged." One day they found a pile of other people's purses on her bed.

The staff is not stealing her hearing aid batteries. If anything another resident is taking them if they're being taken at all.

The batteries should be kept at the nurse's station in a box with her name on it. Then an aide can change the batteries daily if they need to be. Or get her a hearing aid where the batteries last longer than a day. Or the kind that don't run on batteries at all and have a recharging station (this should be kept at the nurse's station too or in a locked drawer.

If your mother does not have dementia, she should not be around people who do. I'd talk to the administrator of the nursing home she's in. Dementia residents belong on a locked floor with no access to the other nursing home residents who are there for medical reasons.

Have her tested for dementia. It could be that she's giving the batteries away then accusing people of taking them. This happens all the time.

When I was a supervisor at an AL we had a resident who would try to hand out pieces of hard candy to all the aides and anyone who walked past her. Then she'd accuse the aides of stealing her candy. Probably for attention or to stir up trouble.

Keep the batteries at the nurse's station.

It isn’t unusual for people with dementia to become suspicious and paranoid, often accusing others of stealing from them. My mother’s first signs of dementia were exactly as yours - someone at AL is stealing my hearing aid batteries. It progressed to books and magazines, etc. and now includes hallucinations. Your mother needs a cognitive evaluation. It’s vital to remember that, in her mind, her claims are true, so she’s feeling vulnerable and possibly scared. There are medications that can help calm that. Logic won’t work so just tell her you’ll look into it. I’m sorry you have to deal with this; it’s heartbreaking. Blessings and strength to you.

Since you visit her every day, tell her that you will be in charge of keeping and changing the batteries. 🤗

Even though your mother may not have dementia, other residents with mild to moderate dementia who are on the floor may have gone rummaging through her belongings. It happens. It is part of the disease process.

My suggestion is that you keep the extras with you to avoid this mishap in the future.

Put the hearing aid batteries in a pill dispenser and mark the days with dates. This will help keep track of the batteries and be a reminder to change the batteries. Do not remove the stickers on the batteries until they are being put in the hearing aids.

Someone stole the new pajamas and Pants I bought my brother . I reported it to his social worker . Really made me mad 😡 after he psssed someone took half his belongings or threw his things out .

I replaced Mom’s batteries more often than the normal time frame due to my mother having excessive wax in her ears.

Mom’s audiologist said that her batteries would have to be replaced often because she would not be able to hear when there was wax buildup in the device.

Notify someone at her facility to check on this and have them change the hearing aid batteries.

When my mother was in rehab the staff told me that they would change mom’s batteries.

Momma told me one day during a conversation that somebody stole her bottle of Chanel #5 perfume. About $200.00 a bottle. She told the administration and they offered to replace it but momma said no. I think she hid it and then forgot where she placed it. Another time momma called me and said that somebody stole $200.00 out of her wallet. We have no way of proving it. Momma could have given it away to bro and somebody else for that matter and does not remember. She has never been good about money. Then on the other hand bro and any other family member could have taken it because that has happened many times before. Dad bought her alot of beautiful peices of jewelry and when momma when into assisted living she wanted all of them with her so she could where them. She never wore them that much before and dad always had them locked up because family members would steal them to be pawned off. I have had to explain and explain that it would not be a good idea to keep all of your good jewelry in assisted living but it doesn't do any good. I have taken most of her jewelry and have it locked up in a safe.

Yes, her hearing aid batteries should be lasting, according to my DH, ten days. And these batteries are not cheap. If Mom is changing every other day or so, she is changing them too often. When she takes them off, is she opening the battery dept so the battery is not being used. Is she keeping them in the case they come in. DHs Aunt did not think the batteries were working so kept getting a new one. Leaving the others with no orange tab so they wore down.

Maybe its time for someone else to put her batteries in. If your there often enough, you could do it. Keep a pack in your purse. You should not need to leave several packs. There are 6 to 8 a pack. Even if need changing once a week, thats enough for 2 months.

If your Mom is showing some cognitive decline, check her room to see if she has placed them someplace else.

It's completely plausible staff took them to change batteries for another resident.

Just as staff will 'borrow' pads, shampoo, toothpaste. (Not right, but believeable)

I'd leave only a small supply. Replace when you come. Although this depends how often you visit.

Alternatively, the larger supply could be kept locked up in the NH Manager's office.

HH,

I think that I would let this complaint from your mom slip through the cracks. I don’t think it’s worth complaining about.

I understand that she was upset. I understand that you don’t want her to be upset.

For me, it’s all about ‘pick and choose’ what’s worth it.

My mother was always ‘Miss Fashionable!’ You should have seen what I had to pack for her to enter rehab in a facility.

Mom didn’t own any ‘house’ clothes. Honestly, she missed her calling. She could have been a fashion designer!

Well, she entered rehab. I was told not to pack my mother’s best clothing, but as I said she didn’t wear what most people would consider to be ‘everyday’ clothing.

The staff placed a sign in her room saying that I would do mom’s laundry. Oh my gosh, they accidentally took her laundry off to be washed and her ‘favorite’ blouse was missing. I actually went to the laundry area and by some miracle I found her blouse!

At first I thought that the blouse was at our house and that she was mistaken about it being missing. Nope! She insisted that I had packed it. When I opened her closet I saw other people’s clothing in there. Mom took one look at them and said, “Those are so ugly! I would never wear those. Take those clothes out of my closet!”

Things do get mixed up in the laundry. Yes, I put mom’s name on everything but still, sh*t happens!

I was in a generous mood the day that I walked into the laundry area to search for mom’s blouse. Actually, it stuck out like a sore thumb because no one else there wore fancy clothes like my mother did!

My mother was insisting people were stealing her things long before she had dementia! It was part of her Trust Nobody mentality, unfortunately.

Tell mother what I used to tell mine when she carried on about all the STEALING that occurred at her AL: tell the Executive Director about it, mom. One time she did. He told her there was nothing he could do about heresay....if she didn't see anyone take the heart necklace with her husband's ASHES in it, then she'd need to call the sheriff. Mom had gotten a whole bunch of old ladies worked up about all the THEFT that was going on, so one of THEM called the sheriff. The sheriff and the Executive Director knocked on moms door that night to ask her about the THEFT. She was furious and closed the door in their face! The next day I went over to moms apartment and found the stolen necklace in her jewelry box, right where she left it 🙄

On second thought, tell mother you found the hearing aid batteries,....they were under the bed. Save yourself all the headache and aggravation of trying to convince her of anything, and just "find" the stolen items. They are SO valuable after all....just like cremains in a necklace.

My mother used the claim the the "cleaning girls" were draining her bottle of baby shampoo, little by little.

Encourage her by telling her that most people don't even understand what those little teeny batteries are FOR, let alone have any kind of a use for them, and tell her to put them somewhere else.
Honestly, my bro was so good, but I will say that the most common thing those with some dementia do is get paranoid about "their stuff" and when he started saying cash (he should not have kept in his room) was missing (it wasn't; he changed out the book hiding place for the white towels and then forgot) I more or less read him the riot act. I told him I would NOT have him accusing people of things as I knew what it was like to be accused of something I didn't do and not be able to prove my innocence. He was an incredibly sweet man, and this pulled him back into reality a bit. When he found his stuff he said he was afraid to let the admins know he had as they would think him ready for MC, and I told him best thing he could do is tell them of that fear and admit his error.

I don’t think she has cognition problems or dementia. She knows what day it is and has not had any issues that I notice. I sit with her everyday for an hour or so.

Will wait and see if this is a one off.

It's not a theft unless you can prove it.

Has she ever had her memory or cognition tested? Paranoia is one of the symptoms of dementia. People with dementia regularly accuse others (mostly their LOs and caregivers) of stealing from them. Stealing irrational things. My 94-yr old Mother is doing this more and more. There's no reasoning with her or using logic.

Buy more batteries and tell your Mom the good news that they've been found.