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Mom has no money after buying groceries and gas. She owns her home and the sons living with do not pay rent. Only one son brings in income and it is $600/month in Social Security. They say they help pay food bills when needed.


Desperate requests are sent to other children when eg. no food in refrigerator pictures are sent out.

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Sounds like mom has set up the situation exactly as she wants it. She’s allowed two sons to live with her for free, and have only minimal life responsibilities. The power to change this dynamic lies with her, until and unless dementia sets in. Does one of her adult child have POA for medical and/or financial decisions for the time when mom can’t soundly do so for herself? I personally wouldn’t participate in their bad financial decisions by propping them up with money until the mooching brothers contribute adequately for living with mom.
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What sort of 'financial plan' could you come up with when your mother's son makes $600 a month in income, and the other one is unemployed? If the one son gave her his entire SSI check, she'd still not have enough to live on. These sons can 'say' they 'help pay for food' but an empty refrigerator says otherwise.

It's up to your mother to put her foot down HARD and let her sons know that they either find a way to pay X amount of money each month in rent, or they MOVE OUT by February 1st or whatever.

I would say the BOTH of these sons need to go out and get real JOBS in order to pay fair market value RENT to their mother who is putting them up in her home for FREE. Mooching should not be allowed. These sons should be helping their mother in every possible way instead of acting like grifters. Sad situation, is what this is. There are plenty of jobs out there right now, so there is no excuse as to why this pair can't work. Even with SS, he'd be allowed to earn a certain amount of income each month, which is OVER $1000.

If they can't reach a reasonable agreement, then mom can sell her house and use the proceeds to move into AL and let the 'boys' fend for themselves.

Best of luck.
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Is your mother competent?

If she chooses to have her sons live with her to provide care, there's not much you have to say about it.

Has mom applied for Medicaid? Are either of the sons getting paid through a Medicaid waiver program?

Has mom (or either son) applied for SNAP benefits?

Have they explored what local resources are available through the local Area Agency on Aging?

Has mom considered selling her home and moving to an AL where she would need her sons to provide care?

Are there addiction issues or dementia in play?
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There is no financial plan if they don't have money. The two sons should get a job. Sending photos of an empty refrigerator to the other children is tacky. They shouldn't have to buy groceries for two who don't work.
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Palzestmp951, welcome to the forum. Before your two brothers had moved in with Mom, did she manage to pay the real estate property tax, plus paying the homeowner's insurance. Plus all the utilities? Was she able to pay for house repairs?

Just trying to figure out how your two brothers have caused your Mom to run out of money? I realize groceries for two more people can be expensive, but not to have any funds left over after purchasing food and gas? Something doesn't sound right.
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The ages of these brothers would help in answering your question. One is on Social Security? So he is 62 or older or is he disabled? So, the other son is living off his brother and Mom?

My nephew was on Medicaid for health, he is disabled. He lived with my Mom. He got a renewal form every year. That form said he may qualify for food stamps but only if my Mom was eligible for them too.

If these two men are capable of working, they should be. Even on SS and SS disability you can make a certain amount a year until 67 and so many months and then earn all you want. I see no problem with you and other siblings helping ur Mom but I would not be supporting your brothers if they are capable of getting some kind of financial help. I think ur problem will be if Mom ever needs to leave the house or passes. What are u going to do about the brothers? Looks like they aren't capable of paying for utilities, taxes, or upkeep. Thats what I would be planning, how to get them independent now. They could easily share an apt.

I have never, since my girls were 19 and 20 going to College, supported anyone but myself and DH. I have had a daughter come back to live after losing a job but she was getting unemployment. All I gave her was a roof over her head. My nephew I helped him find resources so he could be on his own. Your brothers should be taking advantage of what is out there for them not living off Mom.
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