My uncle with ALZ & Parkinsons, is still at home with my aunt. He cannot be left alone due to serious short term memory loss and instability. My aunt is full time caregiver and 3 of us show up PT to give her respite breaks. When we step in to cover her, he gets upset and insists he doesn't "need a babysitter." He is very angry (with her, not us) that he cannot have time alone, and rants about this for some time after she leaves. We know not to argue, but i'ts taking longer to cool his anger. The fact that he doesn’t think he has a problem, is a very big problem.
She stated, "I'd move the pan to a different burner and get the door". When the lady asked her if she would turn off the burner, she said "No, I'd be right back".
When asked "What if the person at the door took a long time?" (or "What if she forgot about it?", I was thinking), she had no response.
That was plain scary. People with cognitive impairment just think of things differently (or flat DON'T think of things....), and that's why they need someone with them.
Funny how they all tend to think they are independent when, in fact, everyone is propping them up. Their brain doesn't process that part.
Then call the doctor for calming meds for DH. The vast majority of dementia patients need them for their own mental health. Antidepressants too.
I have a counselor who helps me over the hurdles I face. She reminds me that there are things I can’t fix- I just need to learn the best way to cope. (This website is a good aid too!)
It is challenging to know how to proceed. And, it is often a hit or miss, and each episode could be different.
I sense the ranting will continue.
He is confused and scared.
I would ask MD to assess need for medication.
Perhaps try a massage - with a licensed therapist.
Leave the room and put on calming music.
If no one there to 'receive' his anger, it may slow him down.
Somehow you need to either:
1) accept it'll take as long as it takes for him to calm down.
2) Shift his attention - if possible, but likely not until he's calmed down.
3) Shift how you (others) respond - you ['we all'] need to learn how to let this go and not take it personally. Not easy for sure.
4) Do not feed his anger by 'explaining'. It will add fuel to this already ignited fire.
5) Discuss options with MD
6) Discuss if time to go into a facility.
Gena / Touch Matters
maybe everyone can visit and leave him to have some personal air space- go into another room/ clean something - leave him alone in a room
everyone needs their own space or if they were I dependant prior may feel suffocated
maybe visit and pretend to get in with other stuff
in another room
’ shout if you need anything’
my dad got uncharacteristicly rude to staff saying why do you keep asking me if I’m ok
they just want to feel normal
If he likes TV, maybe watch his favorite program. When he starts I don't need a babysitter. Tell him you are there to keep him company and to help with things he needs.
No one wants to lose their independence and feel like they need assistance. Some people are not all gone yet, and can still tell elaborate stories about their military days, their childhood days and other things they like to talk about.
It's just a matter of finding a niche that is workable so your uncle can still feel like he is able to have some autonomy over his life.
Medications may help for the agitation and anxiety.
Dementia care requires creativity and preemptive strategy.
Your uncle probably needs meds for his anxiety/depression. What is your Aunt's sustainable plan for this situation? Surely she doesn't expect everyone else to orbit around them just because she doesn't want to deal with his anger? For example: she can *hire* someone to come weekly on the pretense they are cleaning the house, then she slips out for a few hours.
Sadly you cannot reason with someone with a broken brain, so best to not even try.
Some kind of calming medication may be helpful prior to your aunt leaving, but there are no guarantees.