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Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I just read your other post about his mental issues. It sounds like you've been going through it with him for a couple of years now. You have my strong support for whatever you feel you need to do for yourself. There are always other options for your husband if you need to get away. Let us know how it is going.
Speech, what form of mental illness does he have? If he is abusive to you, you don't have to subject yourself to it. Anger and abuse can make your life miserable. Your husband is in the early stages of dementia, so I imagine he can still do many things by himself. Do you think you could talk him into moving into independent or assisted living if you do need to leave? Do you think he would do okay by himself, at least for a while?
Jeanne gave some excellent advice on things to consider. If you will let us know a bit more about your situation, some people may have some suggestions. If the abuse is frequent, I understand your need to get away from it. Yes, you can leave in the US, but you have to consider all the things involved before making that decision.
I have to add on that you need to take care of yourself. You are as important as your husband, so be sure to do what you need to do for your happiness.
I'm sure you can. But you'd want to do it in such a way as to not be open to charges of neglect. Discuss this aspect of the situation with a lawyer.
Assuming you had a good marriage before the illness, you probably want to see that your husband gets good care. So you'll want to notify authorities who can take over that responsibility. Again, talk to a lawyer.
Would you leave the house and move somewhere else? Do you have the resources to do that? I think in another post you talked about large credit card debt. Has that been resolved? What assets exist? What can you claim as yours? Talk to a lawyer.
Even if you leave, you might have some financial obligations to him. My granddaughter left an intolerable marriage to a man on disability. The court awarded him alimony, which she is struggling to pay with her two jobs at low wages. Talk to a lawyer!
I'm not sure whether you are seriously considering leaving or if you are having a particularly bad day and you are fantasizing. But if you are serious, you are definitely going to need the guidance of a lawyer.
And if this is mostly venting after a bad day, is your husband taking any medications to calm him?
I think what happen was he forgot I was his wife and started to think of me as his caregiver he lose respect for me talking down to me in front of people the bullying and control it's just to much I am now by my daughter he's in hospital wanting me come back and he loves me I don't believe him anymore it's like he will say anything to get out of hospital and then I will pay for leaving him
Burnout stay where you are. You need to protect yourself. And you need him to get the proper, sustained support he needs. Don't do a thing, just sit tight and see what develops. Don't even think about going back to being your husband's caregiver or living with him until you are completely confident that everything is properly under control.
Hugs to you, what's happened to your husband is not your fault and not in your power to put right. He's in the right place, let them sort him out.
Thanks everyone. We have had our ups and downs in our marriage. His health and at the same time, my breast cancer diagnosis and then chemo and radiation ( I am fine now ) have put a great deal of stress on both of us. Yes I posted about his huge credit card debt. It hasn't been resolved as yet- it is in the hands of our elder atty. He goes to a medical adult day program 3 days a week. He has had some problems there too- outbursts, not getting along with some people etc. most days he is on there but I have gotten a couple of phone calls from the director about his moods there too. He has depression , OCD and anxiety. Is on meds for these. Also on Aricept for the Alzheimer's. I was so overwhelmed when I posted 2 days ago. I doubt I would ever really " walk out" but it is so upsetting some days I often wish I could. I have called crisis a number of times in a year. Last spring I called 911 bc he kept saying he wanted to die. It scared me. The paramedics took him to a psych ER late one night. They evaluated him, said he was just depressed and sent him home. Almost 2 years ago he fell , broke his shoulder, went to ER- our daughter and family were in town then. My daughter came w us to the ER. My husband was treated for his shoulder fracture, was ready to be discharged, he started screaming at the doctor and staff bc he wanted hydracodone for the pain. The Dr said it could cause cognitive issues so gave him Tylenol w codeine instead. My husband literally had a breakdown , was taken to another hospital to their psych ER. Was kept in that ER all PM, sent home the next day. They too said he was just depressed. This was after he yelled all PM about wanting to die etc. he manages to calm down enough so they release him. I was hoping they would admit him for further psych eval. Neither hospital did. Thanks for letting me vent. Some days are ok but when they aren't- it is pure agony ::: for both of us
I hate to tell you this, but Aricept may be causing part of his behavior problems or increasing his problems. And does not actually really help if he's on other medications. However please understand that his brain is dying and it has nothing to do with you. Yes it may not be easy but if you really want out then that is what you have to do. However depending on the type of dementia he has the behavior will not last long. But there will be one point when he won't recognize you at all so you have to decide how much you are willing to accept. Again I repeat it's not about you his brain is physically dying and he will not be able to control what is happening to him or his behaviors. I would recommend getting some assistance and go to see some counseling this is an overwhelming disease. But if you truly want to divorce him honestly this is one of the biggest conflicts that married couples have as one deals with dementia and their loved one. You may also look into talking to a care manager
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Jeanne gave some excellent advice on things to consider. If you will let us know a bit more about your situation, some people may have some suggestions. If the abuse is frequent, I understand your need to get away from it. Yes, you can leave in the US, but you have to consider all the things involved before making that decision.
I have to add on that you need to take care of yourself. You are as important as your husband, so be sure to do what you need to do for your happiness.
Assuming you had a good marriage before the illness, you probably want to see that your husband gets good care. So you'll want to notify authorities who can take over that responsibility. Again, talk to a lawyer.
Would you leave the house and move somewhere else? Do you have the resources to do that? I think in another post you talked about large credit card debt. Has that been resolved? What assets exist? What can you claim as yours? Talk to a lawyer.
Even if you leave, you might have some financial obligations to him. My granddaughter left an intolerable marriage to a man on disability. The court awarded him alimony, which she is struggling to pay with her two jobs at low wages. Talk to a lawyer!
I'm not sure whether you are seriously considering leaving or if you are having a particularly bad day and you are fantasizing. But if you are serious, you are definitely going to need the guidance of a lawyer.
And if this is mostly venting after a bad day, is your husband taking any medications to calm him?
Hugs to you, what's happened to your husband is not your fault and not in your power to put right. He's in the right place, let them sort him out.
Yes I posted about his huge credit card debt. It hasn't been resolved as yet- it is in the hands of our elder atty. He goes to a medical adult day program 3 days a week. He has had some problems there too- outbursts, not getting along with some people etc. most days he is on there but I have gotten a couple of phone calls from the director about his moods there too. He has depression , OCD and anxiety. Is on meds for these. Also on Aricept for the Alzheimer's. I was so overwhelmed when I posted 2 days ago. I doubt I would ever really " walk out" but it is so upsetting some days I often wish I could. I have called crisis a number of times in a year. Last spring I called 911 bc he kept saying he wanted to die. It scared me. The paramedics took him to a psych ER late one night. They evaluated him, said he was just depressed and sent him home. Almost 2 years ago he fell , broke his shoulder, went to ER- our daughter and family were in town then. My daughter came w us to the ER. My husband was treated for his shoulder fracture, was ready to be discharged, he started screaming at the doctor and staff bc he wanted hydracodone for the pain. The Dr said it could cause cognitive issues so gave him Tylenol w codeine instead. My husband literally had a breakdown , was taken to another hospital to their psych ER. Was kept in that ER all PM, sent home the next day. They too said he was just depressed. This was after he yelled all PM about wanting to die etc.
he manages to calm down enough so they release him. I was hoping they would admit him for further psych eval. Neither hospital did.
Thanks for letting me vent. Some days are ok but when they aren't- it is pure agony ::: for both of us