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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Alexander4, with dementia in the picture I'm afraid this is your new normal. It is not how you pictured your retirement years, and it certainly is not what your husband pictured. But it is what you have to deal with. I'm so sorry for you both.
My husband wanted to continue to do things he could no longer do safely. It helped some to remind him "you are retired from putting up curtain rods, and so am I! I'll get a handy man to do it. Meanwhile, let's you and I do something fun." My husband did understand that he had dementia and sometimes I would remind him that that was the reason he couldn't do something. But generally the idea of being "retired" was a little less discouraging.
If he has Alzheimers (which your profile says he does), you're expecting too much of him. His brain is broken. Expecting him to come up with chores is not going to be beneficial to either of you. You need to start watching the Teepa Snow videos on Youtube. She has a bunch of short videos on dementia. One thing she talks about is how with dementia, people lose initiative. It's just a part of their brain. They can't help it. Your husband can't help it. Here's a video of hers on the ways to recognize dementia:
youtube/watch?v=pqmqC-702Yg
You can also start reading the threads on this site about Alzheimers and how to deal with someone who has it.
This isn't nuch info. This is common with many retirees or elders where they lose the will, or their stubbornness becomes more pronounced and they are obstinate about everything.
Have a frank conversation. This is a marriage and therefore a partnership. If he chooses not to participate, he can't stop you from taking measures to make house or whatever livable or investing in keeping the house up. Also, you need to foster your own relationships with friends, families, community --if he chooses not to, that's his choice, but make it clear you will continue to live and do and take vacations etc with or without him.
If he gets mad, ask "well, Jim, what would you want me to do if you weren't around anymore? Do you want me to be alone, no friends, no family, a house I can't take care of or that's falling apart because you won't let anyone come in and fix anything?"
"Sorry Jim, we may be retired but we still have phase 2 life to live, and by God, I intend to live it to the fullest....I deserve this!"
sunflo2, yes, he has always been that way to a certain extent, but now it is worse, since he has Alzheimer's. I keep hearing that we shouldn't argue with the patient and upset him, but is this realistic?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My husband wanted to continue to do things he could no longer do safely. It helped some to remind him "you are retired from putting up curtain rods, and so am I! I'll get a handy man to do it. Meanwhile, let's you and I do something fun." My husband did understand that he had dementia and sometimes I would remind him that that was the reason he couldn't do something. But generally the idea of being "retired" was a little less discouraging.
youtube/watch?v=pqmqC-702Yg
You can also start reading the threads on this site about Alzheimers and how to deal with someone who has it.
Have a frank conversation. This is a marriage and therefore a partnership. If he chooses not to participate, he can't stop you from taking measures to make house or whatever livable or investing in keeping the house up. Also, you need to foster your own relationships with friends, families, community --if he chooses not to, that's his choice, but make it clear you will continue to live and do and take vacations etc with or without him.
If he gets mad, ask "well, Jim, what would you want me to do if you weren't around anymore? Do you want me to be alone, no friends, no family, a house I can't take care of or that's falling apart because you won't let anyone come in and fix anything?"
"Sorry Jim, we may be retired but we still have phase 2 life to live, and by God, I intend to live it to the fullest....I deserve this!"