He is only going one day a week. I was hoping to get him into the two days a week so I could have some free time for myself. He has expressed that he doesn't like it. Says the others are all goofy! Most are more severely disabled than he is. He has gone a total of four times. Yesterday he got up at 5 AM to tell me that he is not going again. He says, "This is my house, right?" and I said yes. He says, "I want to stay here. I'm not going!" Then he swore at me and stamped his feet on the ground. He has always been very gentle and never violent. He has never hit me and this is the first time yelling at me. We have been married for 35 years. I was actually scared of him yesterday and just backed away from him. He barely talks to me because he has lost most of his vocabulary. He is not logical about anything. I said you are going so I can have some free time. He said he would just stay home alone. I told him he can't be alone because of having run down the highway, fallen and was helicoptered to Washington DC hospital center about five months ago. It took me three hours to find him because he was a John Doe. He now has a GPS Bracelet on at all times. He cannot remove it or he would have done so by now.
What should I do now? Can I make him go? I do not know how to handle this. He did not want a person here watching him either. He said, "I am not a baby and I don't need a babysitter. I really need these few hours of time to myself! He is in his 9th year of Alzheimer's. But really getting bad this past year.
Start calling it The Senior Center instead of what it is. There can't help but be a stigma to the name. He might (might!) react a little better. See if he responds to, "Honey, just try it for a half-dozen times. If you really don't like it after that? I won't nag you anymore about it." Then hope he loses track of how many times he's gone. ;)
Still, outside of tricking him, I don't think there's much hope. But perhaps look at it a bit this way: throw some money at the problem. Insist on home care givers so you can get some respite. That's not his choice. PAY distant family if close family isn't available. Or pay CLOSE family. Try to arrange this family/friend care giving so that HE thinks it's a visit -- and you have to run out.
Think of what it will cost to put him in a nursing home, spending down half your assets, etc., and figure spending them to keep him OUT of one is a better option. It makes sense to at LEAST spend his Social Security check because should he have to be placed, you'll lose that anyway. And more.
Pay professionals at home. Make sure that you suggest things for her to do . . . play cards with him . . . work a jigsaw puzzle . . . anything he now uses to occupy his time. You're the expert. Pass along what you know to a caregiver. And not in his presence, by the way.
I would suggest you see an Elder Law Attorney to see what you can/should do to partly insulate yourself from nursing home costs. There are ways. Probably eventually, no matter what you do, he's going to become too much to handle at home. Sooner the better on that consult.