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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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He has lung cancer stage 3 and he understands our conversations most of the time. But there are times when we just don't connect. Even when I talk slower and plain. He is 84 this month. He has coped emphysema also.
I am so sorry that the two of you are dealing with such serious health issues.
Keep trying to connect with him and cherish the times you have success. Even if he cannot respond or understand you, he knows you are there and paying attention to him.
I feel I don't necessarily have to talk with my Mom who has dementia in order to connect with her. I just go with whatever the words are, even if they don't make sense. This is what it's like :myalzheimersstory/2014/03/04/alzheimers-alphabet-soup-is-a-sentence/
When my mom could no longer carry on a conversation, I would do the talking and tell her anything and everything. I would tell her stories about trips we went on to Disney world, etc. even if she didn't remember they were good stories to her. I would have my dad tell her about the first time they met, when they got married. I know my mom couldn't answer so I did my best not to ask questions or say things like "you remember, you know". I would just talk continuously. This was not easy for my dad.
I am sad for you as I feel your grieving at how your relationship has changed. I like what jeannegibbs said to cherish the times you do connect. Try not to 'let on' that you are sad, or anything negative. Talk to us, or a close friend or counselor as you need to be able to talk about how you feel. Caregivers need to take care of themselves... VERY important! Big huge strong hug to you from me!
It may make him short of breath to have conversations, you can converse with him but ask him questions or ask for responses that are shorter or yes/no. He may also not feel like carrying on a conversation. If he didn't talk a lot before, don't expect him to now. I'm so sorry he is so ill, just do the best you can; sometimes the best moments are when we are silent and together.
I brought a CD player and some favorite CDs when my husband was in the hospital. Listening to music together was easier than trying to converse while he was recovering.
I keep talking to my husband and read him stories although he often does not even understand simple requests any more, like "please lift your foot", It makes me feel better to keep communicating and his smiles seem to indicate that he enjoys the attention and closeness of me.
Sorry that you are going through such a difficult time and kudos to you for wanting to continue meaningful conversations with your husband. My husband has advanced dementia so very difficult to communicate with and he tends to mumble his responses. I have learned to just dominate the conversation and rather than to ask him questions that require a more involved response, I pretty much formulate my sentences to him with a yes or no response required. Example - rather than say what did you have for dinner, I will ask did you have a good dinner? Your talking to him is I am sure very comforting to him, so just keep it up .
I often wondered why my mother wouldn't speak if things didn't go her way. But then I understood she was becoming more like a child and I was now her parent. As I've said before, roles reverse.
Mt husband (89) has COPD and dementia, and he has wandering thoughts a lot of the time. I just ask him to repeat what it was I said so I can determine what he understood. Don't worry about it. Much of what is said is dribble anyway when you are facing death. My best to you both.
I'm praying for your situation. I have worked with Elderly people, and Developmentally Disabled Elderly and love it. For you husband, always remember, even when he is confused he know you are there. Try using "one word" sentences, or questions. If it appears that he is hungry say, "eat, or hungry" if it appears he is sleepy, say "nap, or sleep". Hope that helps, and God bless you both.
With your husband's issues it is possible that the cancer has spread to his brain or the lung issues make it difficult for enough oxygen to reach his brain. it is my understanding he does not have dementia so he probably does understand most of what you are saying as long as you don't ask difficult questions, but he is just too tired to make the effort. Keep talking and loving him that is the best for him. Keep him up to date with events but don't expect him to remember or even answer but the sound of your voice will be very comforting.
My mom is going through this with my dad. He has dementia and pretty much lives in the moment or in 1960. It's breaking her heart. And he's getting stubborn about every little thing. She's 84 and it's hard for her to learn how to steer him, validate thoughts etc., but she's doing pretty well. I'm out of state but I talk to them both every day and try to help her navigate his dementia. I've learned so much from this site. I wish you the best with your situation.
I'm sitting here now watching TV with Mom. It "is" hard to have a conversation with her. Her thought process is slow. Not sure if its her hearing (won't wear her aids) or she doesn't understand the words but a lot of repeating. I just don't have the patience when I have a husband extremely hard of hearing. Have a hard time dealing with both.
It is very difficult. I talk a lot to my mom when I visit, so she doesn't have too. I try to be cheerful and upbeat. I think she is just happy I am there. But I also think she understands a lot more then it seems at times.. If it is something important, I just say her name firmly and look at her and she snaps out of it. But I feel her drifting father away. I just want her with me as long as I can. It's very hard.
Even though we really can no longer converse, my husband still enjoys his Benny Hill tapes (yes, we still have a VCR) and loves tape of Roy Orbison in Black and White..
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Keep trying to connect with him and cherish the times you have success. Even if he cannot respond or understand you, he knows you are there and paying attention to him.
Ava
very comforting.