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Has had for at least two years. Now he is confusing/mixing up his conversations; he doesn't know who told him what. He will ask me REPEATEDLY the same question, not realizing he is doing that. He will finish a story and tell it over and over.... yet, he can balance a check book still and can get from point A to point B.... but he will forget what he drove down our 1/2 mile long drive way to do (get the mail).... and he misplaces things all the time and can never find them. When I gently ask him about anything, he LASHES out and verbally attacks me. His moods have changed as he is not like this at all. It is very uncharacteristic of him to have mood swings. He is unrecognizable at times when he is verbally attacking me, and he even told me to GET OUT at one point and shortly there after acted like he didn't remember and told me he couldn't live without me and how much he loved me. So I don't bring things like that up after he lashes out because he seems to forget about it. I am scared and worried, however, I cannot get him to cooperate to go to a doctor to get tested. I don't know what to do. I have called doctors to ask for help and I am hitting a brick wall. HELP....can anyone offer any suggestions as to what to do. Does all this sound like dementia?? I feel so helpless and lost....

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It may be dementia or he may have a urinary tract or some other sort of infection, that can also cause dementia symptoms. That alone is a very good reason for him to go to the doc for a diagnosis. Also if he is stressed about so!ething that can cause dementia symptoms. Another reason to visit the doc? Some things that cause dementia are reversible but only if treated appropriately. So, get him to the doc.

One suggestion, it is time to get all of his elder planning documents in place. Will, Powers of Attornet, etc.
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Thank you for your suggestions. I know he doesn't have any medical problems as he is undergoing treatment for cancer and he has no other problems believe it or not and I've talked to his cancer doctors about testing him for dementia and they are BLOWING ME OFF. I can't believe it, but they are,.....which really upsets me. But he takes NO meds..... and they told me it is not the treatments....they are experimental....and they said it is nothing they are giving him or doing to him ... so sit seems to be pointing in the dementia directions. But I am just stuck as I can't say a word to him as he attacks me. =(
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I would protect myself. Get information on to stay safe.

I would consult with an attorney on Elder Law for estate planning purposes. Powers of Attorney, etc. AND a Family Law attorney to see what your rights and obligations are under marital law. You might find one who does both or has them in the same firm.

Finding out what is causing the bizarre and troubling behavior would be good, but I would protect myself first. I will say that his behavior sounds a lot like my cousin's leading up to her dementia diagnosis. She ran her own household, paid bills, acted normal in many respects until a couple of months before her diagnosis, when she could no longer do any of those things. Hostility came just before she was not able to function.
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8/22/16..... Beachlife, by chance is your hubby on chemo for his cancer. It is not unusual for someone to have "chemo brain" where one's brain is foggy, hard to remember things, etc.

Hubby is upset having cancer, that is one really scary disease, and he probably knows he's not thinking correctly, so that just adds to him being really grumpy. If he repeats a story, just listen like it is the first time you heard it.

And by chance did your hubby have any recent surgery? If yes, for every hour "under" that means one month of recovery... thus a 3 hour surgery would mean it would take 3 months before one's brain become clearer. But if he already had early stage of dementia, surgery could accelerate the dementia :(

By the way, oncologist aren't known for doing a urinary tract infection test. They don't even think about that. Your hubby's primary doctor would need to do that.
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No....no surgeries, no chemo. he has had the cancer since 03. His regular closely watches him in conjunction with the treatments. They work together and he receives a TON of tests and scans EACH month to check his entire body for everything to see the progression and there is nothing. He can't have ANYTHING going on or they would not proceed with the treatments. They are just injections and the memory issues have been going on for at least two years and started getting much worse before these treatments started with extremely severe mood swings. He is a kind and gentle man and I've never seen him act this way before. So that is why I'm concerned. I've tried reaching out to every doc at NIH and can't get any one there to even help me. I'm trying to think of/come up with another way because I can't say a word to him. He blows up. =(
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To put it bluntly, you're not their patient and they have no duty of care towards you. Although frankly they should be interested in any information you can give them about their patient, and they shouldn't be ignoring what you tell them. Are you writing this down and presenting it to them in document form? Headed "Observations of behavioural changes" going back as many years as you've got a record for. I'd do that anyway - at the very least, it will give you a good, clear look at what you're having to deal with; and on top of that they won't be able to turn round later and say they didn't know what was happening.

Next, I absolutely agree with Sunnygirl: you must protect yourself *first*. If the lashings out switch from verbal to physical you will be in harm's way, and unfortunately there might be no warning signs.

So if no one treating your husband is responding to your concerns, take this up with your own doctor and seek advice on your own account. If your husband won't discuss the issues, you may have to consider removing yourself temporarily in order to force his hand: if he is unable to function alone, it will rapidly become clear and his medical teams will no longer be able to ignore you. Is there somewhere you could go?

Also think about what changes would make you feel safer and make you happier about your husband. Would you want him placed in care where you can visit him daily? Would you want support at home, or a helpline to call if there's a crisis?

It sounds as though what you would really like is for someone else to make your husband see sense and get treatment for his issues? That's going to be a problem, I'm afraid. It's in the nature of dementia that sense is the last thing the sufferer will see. However; I agree with you that one of his many attending practitioners ought to be prepared to broach the topic with him. If they too get an angry reaction, then at least they'll understand what you're dealing with.

What does his regular physician say to you? Is he no more sympathetic than the NIH ones?
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Yes, I have been documenting EVERY THING and writing every thing down. For sure. I tell them, show them.... and the problem is that he sees V.A. doctors...who are P.A.'s and they could CARE LESS.... literally. They don't even really SEE him. They push him through and just could care less. It's very, very sad. So that is his primary doctor....not even a doctor.... and that is why I am having so many problems. I have paid to see professionals and seek help and talk to them....about the situation at hand.... and I am just so upset. I'm trying to keep my head clear and it's really upsetting. I work full time and barely have any time to myself...I don't, in fact. I appreciate everyone's help. Thank you all so VERY, VERY much. This is heartbreaking for me. I cry to myself at times....but am trying to keep it together. We just celebrated our wedding anniversary. I love this man....but at times do not recognize him. Thank you all. =)
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Ask for a consult from a geriatric neurologist and get him in as soon as possible. Tell him the cancer doctor made the appointment if that will get him to go. Be prepared for him to deny that anything is wrong to the neurologist, but they are used to that.
Also call the Alzheimer's association in your area; they have a lot of support ideas and they won't care if he is diagnosed with Alzheimer's or not. Best wishes and lots of hugs.
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Your husband sounds just like my mother in law who has advanced dementia. Why he can still balance a checkbook is different-but maybe because it is one of those long term skills he did almost like second nature. Personally-I would not be letting him drive (a danger to himself, others, and could very well get lost. Driving is a skill that requires the full use of one's faculties.) They have found some dementia patients in other states! Plus he is vulnerable and could be easy prey for someone with ill intentions. Also-when dementia patients have good caregivers, sometimes they can appear more functional than they really are. The repetition thing can drive you crazy. With education, there are skills you can use to minimize the negative behaviors. And as my family member progressed she became more resistive and aggressive.
I would get some information on the stages of dementia and maybe find a geriatric doctor who has experience with the elderly. We knew Sheri had dementia and there are many causes and types. At his age it might be good to have a doctor assess him more professionally. Sheri is in her 90's so there are not as many reasons to put her through the hassle if everything else looks good. You should get durable power of attorney before it is too late.
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Or a geriatric psychiatrist.
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Sounds like early stage dementia. Get all the legal aspects handled to your satisfactory conclusion, using an elder care attorney. Switch Doc's to a geriatric specialist. Start learning about behavioral management techniques, trigger recognition and advoidance, etc. Not recognizing you can be easily understood after you learn about "Capgras syndrome", aka "imposter syndrome", aka " misidentification syndrome". You are just starting on your journey along the road of Dementia. Start researching, reading, networking, etc. A small, weak woman taking care of a large, strong man who becomes physically aggressive is very difficult. You need Doc's to figure out the different meds at different doses, at the
different stages. You need to become an expert on the various behavioral management techniques that can be employed to minimize the need for these meds. You will need a lot of help. THE most important thing is to take care of yourself.
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My dad was treated at the VA for a blood cancer and they had social workers and support for both the patient and the family. Check and see if that sort of help is available at your VA. I don't want to scare you, but my mom was treated for lung cancer and started exhibiting memory issues. A few short weeks later she had a seizure and it turned out that the cancer had spread to her brain. That being said, the stress of being treated for cancer can cause behaviors such as lashing out,mood swings, irritability and forgetfulness. If the VA is no help, try outside organizations that deal with the cancer he is being treated for.
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Beachlife...contact a Patient Advocate at the VA and express the fact that the Doctors seem to be ignoring symptoms of another possible problem. I have found that the Patient Advocates are pretty good at helping some situations.
And I agree with everyone else that you should consult an Elder Attorney to get all the proper paperwork for POA's, wills and the like. (Everyone should do this before it it "to late")
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Dear Beachline, I can relate to what you are saying. My husband displayed similar symptoms, was in excellent health except high blood pressure. Five years ago, I insisted on going to the primary care doctor with him. The doctor quizzed me, throughly, figuring I was making it all up since he acted very normal. Two weeks later, after a brain MRI and neuropsych evaluation, they determined that he had mixed dementia of at least two types. The report stated what I already knew: he should not drive, cook, manage money or be left alone. For two years after the diagnosis, he could act very normal in a social setting. He was aware that he was losing his thinking capacity and became very frustrated when he tried to do things which used to be easy. I would get up in the middle of the night and remove frustrating items including his computer.... oddly, he never asked why it was gone.
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First get him to a doctor to make sure its not a medical issue. He is lashing out because at some level he does know he is forgetting things and something is not right. He is frustrated and unfortunatly lashing out at the person closest to him. Try not to take it personally but also don't let him verbally abuse you. You may have to tell him you won't stand for being talked to that way and just walk away for a while. If it is not medical then yes he may have alzhiemers or dementia and if that is the case, you need to get him on medication to slow the progress and just learn to deal with any issues as they arrive. Sometimes you cannot make them stop doing things like repeating themselves. You just learn to say ok and change the subject. Sometimes if you can distract them with something else they will get off the repeated subject. It is not an easy road but I have learned that you just take it one day at a time, cry if you must and try to see the humor in some of the funnier situations. Laughter really helps.
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I will summarize my experience: Buy a journal and document the date, time, and mood changes; have a consult between you and his primary care doctor; show him the journal and ask doctor to call husband for a visit for a "general checkup" and insist that he bring you with him for the results session; document all results; then a plan of action can begin to determine how to treat the problem. I speak from experience of 8 years ago - 7 cm brain tumor caused behavorial changes in husband - documented for a couple of months - contacted doctor - doctor called husband - surgery saved his life - even with residual changes and eventual dementia today he still has great abilities at 86 and we deal with the sundowning with medication that helps him sleep through the night (and so do I) and makes the caregiving a lot easier for everyone. Finally, do research because the more you know the better you function. Best wishes and prayers for you.
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I understand what you are going through. It sounds so much like my journey with my husband. He had throat cancer in 2012 and was treated with radiation (to the head) and chemo and has never been the same since. He has now been diagnosed with dementia. I know the experience with oncologists--they told me these drugs, etc. wouldn't affect his hearing or anything else, but he lost significant hearing and has been slowly losing his cognitive abilities since the end of treatment. So my first response to you is--don't believe everything the cancer doctors tell you when they say nothing they are doing can cause these problems! They are not living with him 24/7 like you are! And they are largely mechanics, using different tools to cure or control the cancer. You didn't say how old your husband is, but that can also be a factor in how the drugs affect him. I agree that they probably would have picked up on a UTI at some point with all the testing they do before giving the cancer drugs, so that leads me to feel like you are experiencing the early stages of dementia instead. Whether it is caused by the cancer drugs interaction in his brain, or just would have happened anyway, you will probably never know for sure. But you really should educate yourself about dementia and Alzheimer's, etc. If you read a lot of the material available on reputable websites (like this one) you may begin to see that he is following the patterns of dementia. This is NOT an easy road you are embarking on--I have to have a minor breakdown about every 2-3 weeks where I just cry and cry--but then I can start over and be a good caretaker for my husband. I agree with everyone else who has mentioned getting Power of Attorney and financial things in order so that you have the ability to manage it all without him when it comes to that. And keep reading things on this forum. It really helps.
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Good morning, So sorry you are having this challenge - and if the oncologist's treating your husband do not want to look into the issue - which BTW it does happen as stated above - called Chemo Brain, you need to go to an independent doctor for yourself - perhaps a psychiatrist, ( need an MD., ) this is for documentation on your behalf. Get your husband to another MD., who will listen - this can be helped with additional meds and should not be overlooked. Anesthesia can cause temporary memory loss and anger behavior. Insist on a review including the Dr. you go to - a phone conference is needed.
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If your husband is being treated at a VA facility you should go to a Patient Advocate and file a complaint. If that doesn't work you can call Robert McDonald who is the Secretary of the Veteran's Administration. You can get his contact information by going to the VA's site. Just type in Veterans Administration on Google
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I went through this with my Mom and now my MIL. It has been much easier dealing with my MIL, even tho my Mom was normally a gentle, loving person and my MIL is normally a very mean spirited person (due to frontal lobe disfunction ) . I have found that learning things with my Mom, has made it easier to understand what is going on with MIL.
1. Try to understand that whatever they think, see, hear, ect. is REAL to them. It's short term memory, so what they did or said 5 minutes ago doesn't exist anymore. Just listen and go on. 2 Change the subject.
3 Understand that they know on some level they are not okay.
4 Contact your Area Council on Aging. They have tons of resources. I was amazed.
5 Take care of yourself the best you can.
God bless you and good luck.
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Often a person can be convinced to see a doctor about a regular health issue such as blood pressure. If you can get him to an appointment for something like a yearly physical or a medication check, then write the doctor ahead about your real concern. This will give the doctor a heads up. There are some subtle in-office things that a good doctor can look for. Don't mention to your husband anything about a cognitive check. Just act like it's an ordinary appointment that one would have yearly.

The checkup could possibly find a reversible reason for his changes. Also, if a doctor says "I want to refer you to a specialist for more testing" the person will do it when if a family member tries this the answer is "no."

Good luck to you. This is a common issue and a sad one since early detection is better all around. Please let us know if you are (or are not) making progress.
Carol
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Many of the symptoms he displays are early signs of Alzheimer's. Oftentimes people with dementia are not aware of it. See a lawyer to find out how to protect yourself.
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Perfect answer, mindingourelders.
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You have had a lot of good answers. I had two additional thoughts to the ones already provided as I read through the answers. 1. You might ask for a copy of his medical records. In these records you should see where you expressed concerns about his behavior. Sometimes what's in the records is informative and any new dr you take him to would benefit from seeing what's been going on with him and allow you to discuss with the dr while you are on the initial appointment. I find if I get a copy of the records it helps me understand what is going on and better understand what the drs have told me in the visits. I can google details for clarity, etc. 2. I wonder if a camera would help? I'm sure the problems don't all arise in the same location but if a good many happen in the kitchen you might put a camera in that area and then watch the footage with your husband after the diffucult occurance has passed. It might enable him to see what is going on. You could also tell him you are concerned about yourself. That you keep thinking you've heard the same thing over and over and other times you are feeling attacked. Tell him you are wondering if it will help you to be looking back over your conversations. It might actually help you both. Plus you would have the tape to show the doctor if needed and you wouldn't be doing the taping without your husbands knowledge. Also tell him that you both need to get your legal documents in order. Regardless of our ages we need these documents in the case of accidents or illness. So I guess I'm saying make it about you. That might feel less threatening to him. I wish you well.
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Many elders repeat themselves without realizing it at all. He is angry at HIMSELF for forgetfulness, but is going to take it out on you. He needs a consult with a geriatric physician.
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The geriatric doctor suggestions are good ones. I took my friend the geri-psych ward in a near-by hospital because she became resistant to all care and would not let the memory care staff clean her up when she soiled herself. There are anti-psychotic drugs that can help calm her down without doping her up. It took a stay of 3 1/2 weeks to find the right combination and dosage but it made her possible to work with and calmed her so she was happier, too. If he is on a mental decline due to dementia, such drugs can help with the different stages and be modified as his needs warrant. If it is dementia, it will only get worse. That the medical doctors don't see this is puzzling. I am assuming you have power of attorney for his health care? If not, get it. Because I had that for my friends, I was in on all the medical decisions and when I wanted something done, it was.
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I'm facing some of the same issues. My wife, whose family has a history of dementia on her mother's side, is still able to drive, cook, and carry on ADL. But she does say the same thing over and over, sometimes asking me "did I just say that a minute ago?" Sometimes I lie and say "no." She also has sudden bursts of anger. I have taught myself to stay calm and remind myself IT'S NOT HER FAULT. If I react with annoyance, even if she's said something nasty, she gets very sad and plaintively says "now I've made you angry. What did I do?" Her sister, 3 years older at 79, has full-blown Alzheimer's and it's hard to tell whether she recognizes her younger sister's voice at all. She apparently, according to her daughter, doesn't recognize her 50-year-old son in the flesh, though she seems to recognize him on the phone. My wife keeps asking me "Will I be like that in three years?" I reassure her by saying "No. You are not an alcoholic, you can still cook, use your computer, and drive, none of which she could do at your age. Plus (I believe) you have a nicer husband than she does." Indeed, my brother-in-law is a real b*st*rd. He may once have been able to fly a 747, but he's an alcoholic and finally admitted that he did fly while under the influence. Back to my wife and me: one of our big problems is that I am physically disabled, so she has to do the heavy--and light--lifting. If I fall, she can't pick me up, and we've had to call 911 more than once in the past year. Whichever of us survives the other will definitely have to go into Assisted Living; in her case it may have to be an Alzheimer's unit.
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Beachlife: IMO, he should not be allowed to get behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. A motor vehicle is a weapon in the wrong hands. What would happen if he had a vehicular manslaughter charge on his record? Since he can't even remember driving down to get the mail, how is he going to remember the way back to his house?
You say "he has no other (medical) problems." Good grief, cancer is bad enough!!! And since 2003 all; they're giving him are injections? What kind of injections? I will tell you that sometimes in the elder care doctor field you have to get loud and say "YOU WILL HELP MY HUSBAND AND YOU WILL ADVISE ME, HIS WIFE, OF HIS PROGNOSES."
The balancing of the checkbook to the penny may be some kind of anomaly. IDK.
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I finally got a hold of the right people ( I hope) at NIH and they got back to me and said they would help him. They are assembling a team of doctors to review his case and put together a plan to help ....so I am very hopeful about this. He has been a very, very healthy man all his life. You would never know he has cancer to look at him.....he never ever gets sick....and the doctors assure me that the injections he receives have nothing to do with what is happening.....and I really do believe them because this was happening way before the injections. The injections just started....but the behavior has been happening for two years plus.... all of the suggestions from everyone are great and I can't thank you all enough. I do not have any Power of Attorney or anything as I wasn't really sure what was going on...and if it might be dementia or just age, etc....I didn't want to believe it was MORE than something normal. I truly didn't and that is why I got in this group to see if it was something more. I didn't want to believe that the man I love....my soul mate....could have dementia..... and he is so combative at times...and the lashing out..... I can't make him do anything because I FEAR him when he gets like that.....I truly walk on egg shells. However,...with the help of this team of doctors, I feel like, together, we can get him the help he needs and get on the right track. At least I am hoping so. I have been worried sick. He has a great long term memory and can hold a perfectly normal conversation that way to where no one would know anything..... but when it comes to short term memory....that is a different story....I help him and cover at times. Thank you all very much for your help. You have made me feel better and now I know exactly what I have to do. None of this is easy. But I thank you all!!
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Beach, is he undergoing chemotherapy? If so, google chemobrain, it will be well worth the effort. Chemo can cause memory loss. My mom was receiving chemotherapy, that is when we all began to notice her memory issues. In fact, the release signed may include a warning about causing memory issues.
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