My dad has a specific delusion with my mom having an affair with her boss who is more than half her age and now he thinks the store where she works at is a whore house. He would drive her to work and parked there examining these customers who comes in store for lottery and groceries and think that they are paying for sex. We had numerous arguments shouts and fights about this, most recent today where I was driving him pass the store and he wanted me to drive in to catch my mom in the act with this man who comes there regularly for lottery tickets. He even recognizes his car and previously marked down this man’s license plate.
Aside from above, other thoughts, speech, actions are normal. He is independent of all his daily activities and convinced he could and still drive.
His medical history: He was hospitalized last year in November for a bladder infection and was delirious while in hospital. Not until he went home that the delirium was gone but a month later developed this specific delusion. Two months after this I had to call the Ambulance cause he would not stop bothering my mom. They admitted him but only gave him antibiotics for a mild UTI. He was supposed to wait for psych cause my mom said he was threatening her, but psych stood him up two times and he left against medical advice because he began to be delirious if he stayed. The has refused any type of assessment including Geriatric. He drives cause no medical professions took his licence away.
I can’t put him in a home cause he is “functioning” apart from a specific delusion.
I can’t get him assessed because he thinks he is not sick and won’t go.
Every one or two days our family is arguing and yelling and fighting. This is not a way to live.
What can I do?
The next time he starts carrying on, call 911 and have him taken to the ER for a psych evaluation.
Your mom can also call the police if he's threatening her, and they can send him off for an ordered psych evaluation.
I think you've asked this question before and have been given this same advice as well if I remember correctly.
It's a difficult situation and one I hope you can find a solution to.
I did call 911 once. In the ER a Nurse called home and said they won’t keep dementia patients but i told them at the time that he was threatening my mom. She said i have to lock the knives away or if there is a place where my mom could go/leave for a while. NO. They finally admitted him for a mild UTI and only gave him antibiotics. He was a low priority for them so PSYCH kept promise they will come and cancel twice and we left because he was getting more paranoid and delusional then when he was admitted.
Last week he refused to go to a Geriatric assessment and said he is not sick and that my mom and I should stop putting things in his head that he is crazy or threaten to call 911.
Yes i have posted before and you had responded.
The problem is he is “too all there” and “functioning” to be admitted or put in a home, he won’t, except ONLY this one delusion about mom.
It’s one or a few days then he is at it again reminding my mom not to do those stuff and to all the affair off.
I mean if we totally ignore this delusion and we have tried but it is difficult at time like today where i drove him to get food and he tells me to stop when we past my mom’s work place cause he saw “the car” and to catch my mom in the act. I just lost it!!!… so I did. Basically ended up arguing and yelling. Yes i know I know… but i can’t help it. I want to tell him to snap out of it… he is sane in everything else. Sorry but i lost it
He is not violent or threatening but it’s just constant talk of it driving our whole family crazy, more than he is.
- how old is your father?
- what state is he living in?
- are you (or anyone) his PoA?
- do you live with your parents or do they live with you?
If your father has a cognitive problem, you will not be able to convince him he is not acting "normal", so you will need to use other strategies when talking to him, like diversion and distraction. Your mother will have to do the same. If he has dementia, he is losing his ability to use his logic and reason and this is why arguing with him will be unproductive.
If no one is his PoA and if he threatens physical violence against your Mom you must call 911. When they take him to the hospital you will need to tell them what you've told us here and that he is an "unsafe discharge" so that they don't let him go. Talk to the hospital social worker. Don't believe them if they promise to provide help if you take him home -- they won't. See if they can do a cognitive test on him but do everything possible to prevent anyone from coming to get him, even warning friends and neighbors to not go get him.
FYI there is no one who will stop him from driving except his family. If he's a safe driver the DMV won't move to recall him for a renewal test. Stalking your mother doesn't qualify taking his car away by authorities. You'd have to physically hide his car, but I don't recommend this as you could be accused of theft by him.
What solution do you think will improve or help the situation? Your father doesn't see his illness (which is pretty common) and he isn't cooperative and now suffers from a delusion that's causing him to stalk your mother. He can't be "committed" without a diagnosis (criminal offense) that warrants it and someone is his legal guardian. The county can acquire guardianship of him under the right circumstances, so maybe you should talk to a social worker for the county in which he lives. See under what circumstances he can be removed from the home. Get him on their radar.
Thanks.
He is 76
We are in Ontario Canada
There is no diagnosis, last November the discharge was confusion. No medical doctor took his licence away.
Can’t the Police? He was just in an accident last week in which he drove himself in a ditch somehow at night. The Police tow his car and drove him home cause he was unsafe to drive home YET they gave back his licence. Doesn’t make sense at all.
The time i called the ambulance the nurse called from hospital and said they can’t keep him cause they don’t deal with dementia patients. This is without anyone assessing him. They finally kept him for a mild UTI.
He does not go to any follow up assessment or any recommended assessment because he thinks he is not sick. He actually tells me that it’s my mom that needs one and not him.
No one is his PoA because we never set up cause he refuse to talk or sign or deal with anything regarding health and sickness.
Whether UTI, delerium, the start of a dementia or other reason, his delusions are;
1. Safety concerns - both to himself & Mother
2. relatively new
3. ongoing
Proper eval, diagnosis & treatment is needed.
I have a relative that started with delusions. A non-voluntary admit was necessary to gain dx & treatment. (Often called 'Baker Act').
If Dad is resisting & cannot reason, arrange it.
If it is the Doctor/Geriatrician resisting, then maybe another ER drop off is required.
Best of luck. You can only do so much individually. Hopefully your family can rally round & pull together.
Oh, and I'd sneak outside in the night and pull the spark plug wires on his car and toss them somewhere.
Maybe call health line in Ontario, they can possibly give you some advice how to proceed.
ER will not do anything, as they deal with health emergencies. Keep in mind privacy protection is strong in Canada I could not get some form at dr for my husband, all because of personal info protection act so even if dr and specialist get involve if your Dad agree, could be only beginning of long evaluation until some recommendations are made or family involved in decision making.
I also hope someone from Canada can assist before a worse crises arrives.
I think I would be the squeaky wheel - start driving my husband/dad to my Doctor's office every single day (if they would allow) or calling them.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23066764/
There are several references at the end of this article.
If he has a trip to the ER, go prepared with an article or two in hand. It seems he may benefit from a full medical examination because many times these symptoms can relate to a neurological issue. My husband has Parkinson’s and I have a few friends dealing with this.
It’s not an easy suggestion, and it might be possible to warn the people in advance about it. It would be helpful if they don’t just shrug it off. But it’s not right for it to have such a bad impact on your family, while other people just wait for something bad – like a murder attempt.
If you have home health care for dad - like nurse who comes by weekly. Ask the nurse to test him.
Privacy act here does not allow any disclosure of any medical or other info.
Disclaimer- I do not profess to be a medical professional.
Would mom consider getting a restraining order? That would almost certainly trigger a mandated psychiatric evaluation.
Sadly, I think getting law enforcement involved is the only way you can force an evaluation.
You asked previously about medications for paranoia and delusions. There are anti-psychotic meds that can help.
I guess my point is that he could be dangerous (grabbing the wheel) without even threatening you. Any number of things could happen because he is unstable.
https://www.diagnoxhealth.com/product/urinox-10
It is available from Amazon.
This way you can test without running to a doctor each time. If it is negative, retest... especially if there seems to be other symptoms (confusion, burning, smell, etc.) I only consider it a screening but if it is ever positive, I would definitely get him in to the doctor.