I have picked very a nice facility out. I do not live in the same town so it very hard for me to care for them. I have been traveling from texas to South Carolina every month for last 1 1/2 year and this just about made me broke. Neither can live alone. My step mother can not drive, use the phone, nor has she ever paid a bill in her life. My dad took care everything. She speaks very little english. She also suffers from undiagnosed mental problems. I know she cant live alone. But she refuses to leave the house. I dont want have to remove her with force, but will i guess.
I don't know that you can put her in a facility if you don't have the right to. You may have to contact APS to see what to do.
As for your dad, assisted living is not where he belongs. He needs to be in memory care.
You cannot force her to do anything if she has not been found incompetent by a doctor. Even with POA in effect, you may have a hard time placing her. Guardianship would be an option but its time consuming and expensive. Can she understand enough that if she doesn't go with your Dad that the State may step in and that means they make the decision where she will go. Maybe knowing that will change her mind.