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I’m 56 years old and due to a brain tumor, I live at home. When they die, I will go into assisted living. Mom and I have always been best friends, but in the last year, Mom’s focus and fear about her age (she is 80), she is sad and withdrawn. My parents are very active, although Mom has severe rheumatoid arthritis, but the fear of the end of life colors all of our lives every day. I want to be supportive and positive, but it’s hard not to obsess about death too. We are spiritual people and I want to bring my faith into this situation so I can adapt to the changes in my life and those in Mom and Dad’s.

Jules, what a difficult situation for you all. I’m very sorry about your illness. I can totally understand and admire your desire to concentrate on the good things happening right now (for instance, the strength of your faith and the love and care for each other that you and your parents apparently share).

You mention Mom’s mood and attitude seems to have taken a nosedive in the past year. Has anyone talked about this with her doctor? Maybe there is an issue with her medications for her condition. Maybe she could benefit from an antidepressant?
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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I would recommend family counseling with an EXPERIENCED Licensed Social Worker in private practice. This is about life transitions and plans in place so well as you can put them in place. It is about addressing what you can, and rolling with the punches of what you CAN'T make plans about, which is most of it.

For yourself you are very articulate. You can assure mom you will be OK, you will negotiate things when the are gone, or should they need care, and you will avail yourself of the system for care as best you can. And that stuff WILL happen. It already HAS, right? And it will continue to. But you will all muster on best you can.

The Social Worker will decide about referral perhaps for some mild medication, anti-anxiety or anti-depressant.
We want to think we can get ducks in the row. But when what is coming is the UNKNOWN, we can't, and it makes us a bit desperate. I call that NORMAL. But there needs to be some help TALKING IT OUT and WORKING IT THROUGH, and accepting that even when all that is said and done, you will be right back here, expecting the unexpected.

You have my very best wishes, all of you, and I am so thankful for you to have this mutual love and support.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I suggest you read this book together:

To Heaven and Back: A Doctor's Extraordinary Account of Her Death, Heaven, Angels, and Life Again: A True Story 

by Mary C. Neal (Author)
4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars
 
 
In 1999 in the Los Rios region of southern Chile, orthopedic surgeon, devoted wife, and loving mother Dr. Mary Neal drowned in a kayak accident. While cascading down a waterfall, her kayak became pinned at the bottom and she was immediately and completely submerged. Despite the rescue efforts of her companions, Mary was underwater for too long, and as a result, died.
 
To Heaven and Back is Mary’s remarkable story of her life’s spiritual journey and what happened as she moved from life to death to eternal life, and back again. Detailing her feelings and surroundings in heaven, her communication with angels, and her deep sense of sadness when she realized it wasn’t her time, Mary shares the captivating experience of her modern-day miracle.
 
Mary’s life has been forever changed by her newfound understanding of her purpose on earth, her awareness of God, her closer relationship with Jesus, and her personal spiritual journey suddenly enhanced by a first-hand experience in heaven. To Heaven and Back will reacquaint you with the hope, wonder, and promise of heaven, while enriching you own faith and walk with God.

https://a.co/d/dn7I0Ec


Once you begin to take the fear out of death, then you begin to truly live and enjoy your lives. This is one of several books I highly recommend to get you started on the path of realizing that life is eternal.

Best of luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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