She has vascular dementia. She permanently stays in a nursing home now, since her boyfriend decided it is too much work to care for her within their home. I live 3 hours away and I'm the only Daughter caring for her, so it gets costly getting hotel rooms. My Mom loves my pets too when she sees them so this is a bonus for her. I started bringing her for 1 week at a time visits last year; 3 to 4 times per year. Now this year, her boyfriend thinks these visits are more harmful for her because she gets reluctant to return to the facility, or even back to my hometown. Advice on whether it's still healthy to bring her for these visits within my home?
What do the staff at the NH say about her behaviour when she returns? How long does it take her to settle back into the routine?
Many years ago when I was a single parent my son spent every other weekend with his father. I would warn his teacher on the Friday, so she would be prepared for the following week. It took him until Thursday to get back into his home/school routine. You can imagine how disruptive this was to his schooling. Yet, we did it every 2 weeks until he was 14. Even at 14 it was hard on him and he was gaining maturity and coping skills.
Your mother is losing cognition, coping skills, etc, each time it will be harder and harder for her to make the adjustment, each way.
Do you respect that her boyfriend realized he was not capable of providing the care she needs and arranged a placement where she gets care 24/7? Just reading your words, which is a very small part of communication it is hard to know, if you feel he should have kept her home, or agree with the placement.
MsCheeks, I certainly understand your position and if I were in a similar position, I also would want to share my home and pets with my parent. I guess the question is what's best for your mother, and that's not an easy question to answer.
Does the facility have visiting or resident pets? That could help your mother with the desire for interaction with animals.
Another possibility is exploring the Ronald McDonald programs of housing for families with ill members. I don't know if it extends to respite for any kind of illness, but it's worth exploring. I believe the stays are free.
You could stay there, perhaps with your pets, and visit your mother w/o incurring more extensive costs.
The main goal here to keep your mother's best interests at heart. What do YOU think, in YOUR heart, is the best thing for your mother, in all honesty?