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My dear mum is 86 yrs young, has an identical twin approx 50 miles away. My mum continues to drive up there just daring anyone to tell her she cannot. Have had the gentle conversation citing consequences/heartbreak/ liability/injury/death, etc...as well as intermittent discussions/statements. I feel she is ok in close proximity/familiar territory...she does carefully/responsibly schedule her drive time according to traffic & available daylight/weather—unless the twin is in need. I have driven her up recently, then she snuck another trip in from my sisters house [she lives between the two/similar to shared custody & she pretty much gets to hang out wherever she likes unless one of us needs intense/quiet/work time.
My question:
I am accompanying my mum to an eye appt [NEXT WEEK], our 2nd together of recent.
I did not go inside previously due to covid 19 BUT need facetime w/her MD [who treats both twins w/same challenges]. I know HIPPA guidelines & am NOT seeking private info, but rather share info & state clearly whether she is safe 'from the doctor' to drive/back me up @ VERY LEAST! I know this 'dance' all too well, my dear mum likes to give her best 'report' to ALL doctors, I then step outside & wait & 'share'/fill in complete information when necessary [ER/surgery].
Is there something legal the doctor can 'prescribe' such as restricted driving???


My father's estate is about to be distributed...if she hits/hurts/kills someone while driving we could all be wiped out! Those lawsuits are not a pretty industry, a very close friend just happen to bring this up as 4 of us were having a social distance coffee. This happened to her brother-in-law's family...after he snuck the keys out in the rain!

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From your description I can't tell if you think her vision is so bad she shouldn't be driving or if you just hope that it might be used as the reason to have her stop driving. I can tell you that my dad in his mid 90's and legally blind managed to pass his eye exam at the Motor Vehicles and was issued his license. I managed to get him to stop driving (long story) but the doctor and Motor Vehicles Dept were of no help. I agree with everyone that suggested you communicate with the doctor prior to her visit to let him know that she is still driving, including night driving, and lay out your concerns including any incidents you are aware of.

This is a chart explaining each state's vision requirements: http://www.mdsupport.org/library/summarychart.pdf
and another fuller explanation of vision requirements by state:
https://lowvision.preventblindness.org/2003/06/06/state-vision-screening-and-standards-for-license-to-drive/
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Fiffi77 Jun 2020
THANK YOU from the depths of my being!
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My Mum is an 86 year old healthy twin, she and her sister both drive safely.

You have not completed your profile, and other than eyesight, you have not given any health details about Mum.

My Mum has her driver’s physical every 2 years and had cataract surgery a few years ago. Last winder she had an eyelid lift as it was impacting her peripheral vision.

What other than age is a contributing factor to you not wanting Mum to drive?

This time last year Mum and Auntie went on a road trip. They drove a big loop visiting friends and family over 10 days and about 800 Miles.
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Fiffi77 Jun 2020
My mum is a twin also!
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I always wrote a note and asked the receptionist to please give it to the doctor before he saw Mom. This does not go against HIPPA. Actually, it helps in their evaluation. Its so much better coming from the doctor when it comes to having the license taken away or restricting.

Just state in the note what you are seeing or your fears, like her driving 50 miles. My Mom and my stubborn Dad saw when they could no longer do distances anymore. Dad would drive alone but if Mom was with him he allowed her. Eventually, it was always her. Just before Mom was told not to drive, she had already was just driving around town. Same with my MIL.
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Fiffi77 Jun 2020
Perfect! That is precisely what I had planned to do...my background is medical & educational graphics/communications soooooo, I am hooking up my new printer this very day & will be prepared while NOT violating HIPPA.
When I DO attend w/my mum, I ALWAYS take our info spiral/notebook-take names, notes, etc...
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Can you message the doctor prior to the visit? An email maybe. Some doctors have a way that patients can communicate with the office in a secure way.

Not sure where you live but there are Restricted Licenses or Limited Licenses also sometimes called Hardship License. Typically it is for people that have been convicted of DUI (Driving Under the Influence) But I would think that the doctor could put any restriction he or she felt was necessary.
Daytime driving only or no driving in rain or snow and possibly driving only between the hours of 10 AM and 3 PM (hours stricter than daytime only but this would prevent rush hour driving as well.) But it would be something that you would have to discuss with the doctor. OR the other option would be that he says she can no longer drive.
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Not sure what country you live in, but in the U.S. if she passes her eye and cognitive exam given by her doctor I doubt he/she will suggest even restricted driving. Is it possible to drive behind her to see how she actually drives? Check her car for dents, dings, scratches which will tell you her eyesight or judgment is in decline. My mom is 91 and is a fair weather driver (even in our MN winters she only goes out when the roads are dry and clear). She has been self-limiting to this point, no evident of problems on her car and sometimes I drive behind her on some fictional errand I needed to tend to. She is driving shorter and shorter distances. But I'm not stopping her just because she's reached some random age. Just keep a wary eye on your mom. Good luck!
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Fiffi77 Jun 2020
Brilliant! Follow behind! BRILLIANT! Many scratches & dents-adding to concern.
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