Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Do you still go to therapy ? Sounds as if you are grieving the type of parents , ( future grandparents ) that will never be .

Do you spend a considerable amount of time on social media ? I would limit that until you are feeling better . Comparing your life to others is not helpful to you .

You need to honor yourself first .
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
SeekingPeace1 Jul 2023
I am actually off of social media for that reason. My husband and I have a really great circle of friends, so we are aware of how our friend's parents show up for them.

And I sometimes fall into the thought pattern of realizing that we will have to have children the hard way.

No built in support from grandparents on his side (his mother is pretty young and still working) and my side (my parents can barely take care of themselves).

We will most likely have to find a baby sitter or daycare. Definitely grieving what could have been and realizing my husband and I will be the parents and grandparents our parents should have been. But part of me longs to be parented as an adult now, but that won't happen. I'm still figuring things out. My mom gives advice here and there, but she's usually coming from a limited perspective.
(0)
Report
See 2 more replies
Not all things can be fixed or changed. To me I read you accept where your family is at well, with some sadness for now & even grief at the future that wasn't to be.
That's understandable. Totally valid to feel however you do feel.

Someone once said to me "That is the hand you were delt". That simple statment helped me (not sure why) & has stayed with me.

A friend of mine lost one parent as a child, the other as a young adult.
When she became a Mother she did have sadness over what could have been. However, when she married, she gained a set of wonderful active Grandparents to be. She also used daycare & had a wide circle of friends so there were plenty of 'Aunties' & 'Uncles'.

Look for good 'Aunties & Uncles' to add to your life. I know they will not replace your parents, but may help fill some of the gap.

Once a month visit seems a good comprimise to me. Balancing the heaviness & awkwardness of the day VS guilt at not going at all.

Keep up your social connections, hobbies & activities that enhance your life, add enjoymenr, support & fun. The Black Dog can be a bearable life companion if it is trained well & isn't the boss.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report
SeekingPeace1 Jul 2023
Thank you! And yes that's what my husband and I are doing now, building a circle of friends so we can do life together. And I do have siblings as well. So a great family legacy will come from us, but working through our own trauma and learned dysfunction can be exhausting.

I had to look up Black Dog. That's a way to describe depression. Never heard of that before. Thank you for your advice.
(7)
Report
See 1 more reply
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter