My dad spends most of his time at home watching TV, dozing off. He does not leave his house, never socializes or talks to his neighbors, especially after 2 pm as he gets lost without GPS or multiple reminders in text messages. If I visit with grandkids I bring home cooked meals as he does not cook. My dad not a willing participant in his dementia treatment. We don't bother him very much as he became paranoid.
A homeless squatter hoarder woman with schizophrenia has manipulated him the last several months with the phone. She texts him, calls him, pressures him to drive to her, meet her, move her stuff out, wants to move in with him after her last eviction from an estate where she squatted for years. I had many calls from the police about this, and witnessed some pretty bad "sundowning" and "showboating" from my Dad during that time. This homeless woman convinced my dad to rent a uhaul minivan, move in with her on the street as they slept in their cars in pouring down rain, saw him wander, pee in bushes several times, take falls and they yell at each other on the streets for several nights. My dad now disoriented to person, place and time as without constant text messages with addresses or reminders he does not remember anything. He does not act like this if left at home in peace. I live in fear of the next phone call as to what his disease made him do now.
The sheriff told me to file a vulnerable adult protection order on his behalf. The order said a hearing needed to get held first, and I would arrange to serve both the homeless woman and my Dad first. I could not serve the homeless woman as I did not have an address after she got evicted. I did not want to upset my Dad, and he ignores the woman the last month, and does not leave his house anymore. I went to the first hearing, I said I have trouble serving both of them as my Dad due to Dementia will just get really angry with me which I fear and the homeless woman I don't know where she lives. So the judge ordered that the homeless woman get served by the sheriff which they served her.
She showed up at the last hearing on zoom, and said she needed more time to hire an attorney, claiming to be my long lost aunt. The judge said that my Dad needs to get served, and the homeless schizophrenic woman argued with the judge about how she has known me for 37 years, and had relations with me since I turned 12 years old. The judge said could you wait to argue that at the next hearing and he set a hearing out in 3 weeks. I doubt the homeless woman has the funds to hire an attorney to dispute.
The sheriff called me on Friday and asked if I wanted them to serve my Dad or if I wanted to make personal arrangements to do so. My dad unpredictable but knew well enough to involve me in this situation because he reported it to me. Because I did not want to deal with a homeless squatter moving into my Dad's property (as squatters have more rights than tenants or property owners where I live) I made them sign month lease for nominal amounts designating me as the landlord. The police (and the last estate executors) told me she has a history of exploiting elderly estates, squatting in their houses for years, and turning my Dad into her next target. They urged me to not let her move in and my Dad did not let her move in, she lives on the street or in shelters now about an hour from my Dad, although she has a car, storage unit, po box and a phone. I have not received any notice of her address with the court even though she showed up at the hearing.
I don't talk to him very much as his untreated Dementia makes him miserable, and making him socialize, work or do chores increases his symptoms. I lean towards having him served by police, so that we may all go to court and get judged for these choices. This got recommended by the sheriff who evicted her from the last estate. I need to confront the painful process for setting boundaries with both this homeless schizophrenic woman and my Dad.
Do know, if you seek and GET guardianship you cannot resign.
The only way to resign from guardianship is to get a judge to allow you to do so, and often they will not, even if you are ILL and unable to serve.
I would allow my father to have guardianship of the state if that can be arranged.
That leaves them responsible for his care and his assets and placement and diagnosis and allows YOU to remain the darling daughter. Who visits him.
Also, a restraining order against the elder abuser/predator (and this is how you should ALWAYS refer to her).
If your Dad still has a car, try to convince him to sell it or get his driving virtually assessed through OT at a medical clinic (this is how my Mom got her license finally cancelled) or make up a therapeutic fib that his car is having a problem and you will take it to "get fixed" then do not return it or tell him where it is... it is now always "in the shop, they're waiting on a part", etc.
Block the predator's number from his phone or change his number so the predator can't contact him. However, do know that she will fly over on her broom to continue to attempt to manipulate him. She won't be able to once your Dad has a guardian.
You've done lots of protective work on his behalf but dementia is a progressive disease and you/his guardian will not be able to stop protecting him from the predator (and others) until he is in a facility getting all the care and healthy socialization he needs.
I wish you 100% success in carrying out whatever you're willing to do on his behalf.
Based on your description, I would agree to let Police serve him. You have decided that filing the vulnerable APS report was the right thing to do, so go ahead with it. Then let the courts decide things as you mention. If they find him incompetent and needing a guardian, from your description of mentioning boundaries, letting them assign a court appointed professional guardian sounds best.