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I am raising my grandson. I don't know where to start because before my father-in-law progressed into the Alzheimer's my grandson and my father-in-law were buddies.
Just remember that 5 year olds also do not have their executive problem solving and reasoning abilities fully developed. When my sister was 5 years old, our mother died after a drawn out battle with cancer. My sister’s biggest worry was that the other people she loved would get sick and die. Or that others would die in a car accident, or somehow also “be gone”.
Telling her that no matter what happened she had many people that loved her helped. Telling her she would never be alone, and would always be loved and taken care of helped.
I think that is why it is a good idea to keep extended family in a child's life. That way they know there are people they know who love them and will care for them if their immediate caregiver's are gone.
My children were about 8 to 10 when my dad died with lung cancer. It was awful and when he started having hallucinations because of the morphine I just told them it was like he was having a nightmare but he couldn't wake up.
I teach preschool to children about that age. I also faced telling my oldest grandson about his great-grandmother ( my mom) when she had dementia. The best advice I can give is to keep the explanations simple and in the moment. Children that age are very self-involved. They will remember that Grandpa said something silly, but they won’t ponder and worry about it. Legos capture their attention much more frequently at this age then why Granla called him Jimmy instead of Bobby.
Interactions between them will require more and more supervision. My mother could say inappropriate things and I always supervised their time together.
Encourage interaction between them, but stay close-by and be prepared with a simple and short explanation; “Grandpa’s brain is broken. That happens sometimes when you get old.”
My guess is that there are bits of your own body that are wearing out. Perhaps you could show your grandson the difference between your own bits and his (tough skin on back of heels is fairly easy), and say when you are very old, some things wear out or break down like old cars. Then say that bits of FIL’s brain are getting very old, and sometimes they don’t work properly any more. Most of it works, and you just have to help a bit sometimes. Probably best to do a general outline first, and then more detail at a later time when that has sunk in. Don't forget that your grandson is very likely to raise the topic with FIL, so use words that you think will go down well to him.
Two things: First, I’d stress the ‘very’ old, because kids can worry about death and you want to distance the possibility of it happening soon to the people he relies on. Second, this of course depends on how the Alzheimers is affecting FIL. If it’s memory lapses, this is quite appropriate. If it is anything that could lead to danger, it’s a different matter.
Excellent point! If the child is already computer-savvy, a comparison between an old brain and an old computer can be made. The brain can get "bugs" that cause it to malfunction (but perhaps a different word should be chosen so the child doesn't think you mean there are insects in the head of your LO.
Try your local Alzheimer's Assoc. They have a vast library of information. Sure their are many other small children you need age appropriate information.
There are several good books available for preschoolers and early elementary available that deal with dementia. I don't recall the titles, but go to Amazon and search for dementia in the book section and I'm sure they will show up. I think one of them is called The Memory Book. They will help open the discussion.
I just bought one called "What's happening to Grandpa?" that is pretty good. I also bought one called "Weeds in Nana's garden". You can look online and find several others I am sure.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/telling-children-grandma-grandpa-has-alzheimers-disease-147667.htm
When my sister was 5 years old, our mother died after a drawn out battle with cancer.
My sister’s biggest worry was that the other people she loved would get sick and die. Or that others would die in a car accident, or somehow also “be gone”.
Telling her that no matter what happened she had many people that loved her helped. Telling her she would never be alone, and would always be loved and taken care of helped.
My children were about 8 to 10 when my dad died with lung cancer. It was awful and when he started having hallucinations because of the morphine I just told them it was like he was having a nightmare but he couldn't wake up.
ponder and worry about it. Legos capture their attention much more frequently at this age then why Granla called him Jimmy instead of Bobby.
Interactions between them will require more and more supervision. My mother could say inappropriate things and I always supervised their time together.
Encourage interaction between them, but stay close-by and be prepared with a simple and short explanation; “Grandpa’s brain is broken. That happens sometimes when you get old.”
Two things: First, I’d stress the ‘very’ old, because kids can worry about death and you want to distance the possibility of it happening soon to the people he relies on. Second, this of course depends on how the Alzheimers is affecting FIL. If it’s memory lapses, this is quite appropriate. If it is anything that could lead to danger, it’s a different matter.
I hope it goes OK.
I also bought one called "Weeds in Nana's garden". You can look online and find
several others I am sure.