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My mom is 62 years old and she has had 3 strokes. Her last stroke was in 2017 about 7 years ago. She is unable to move her left arm and has very little strength in her left leg. I am 29 years old and recently had a child 8 months ago. She had a fall and can no longer stand. We can not afford to place her in a home. She does receive check monthly but I don’t know what to do.. I’m tired of seeing her live this way. It is becoming too much for me as I’m trying to begin my own life too. I miss being just a daughter. I have been her caregiver now for 7 years and she doesn’t do the exercises to stay strong. I know that she is depressed and I understand why but I am just so lost on what to do for her now.

My mother also had a series of strokes. We failed to know that depression is very common in the aftermath. We watched mom’s personality change from a fun loving, active person to someone we didn’t recognize who did little at all. Then a big stroke completely changed everything. Please realize your obligation is now to your child. Your mother is not likely to regain abilities lost after strokes if it’s been more than a year and she’s not actively in physical therapy. Though this is sad, it’s not on you and you cannot change or fix it. You also cannot keep up being a caregiver and a mother without sacrificing something. It was heartbreaking for me to see my mother live in a nursing home, but she received the care she needed. She was kept clean, and received good, kind care. It could never have been kept up in the home. You can become your mother’s advocate and encourager instead of exhausted, resentful daughter. I hope you’ll look into Medicaid for her and make this change. Enjoy that baby, they grow up too fast
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Love, welcome to the forum!

You need to talk to your local Area Agency on Aging or Medicaid office about getting mom on Medicaid. If she needs a Nursing Home, Medicaid will pay for it

It's not up to YOU to afford a placement for her.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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You are in a difficult situation, I wish I had better advice for you, but I think either you are going to have to choose to be her caregiver indefinitely, or seek to place her in a nursing home paid by Medicaid. If you choose to continue being her caregiver, realize she could live another 30 years. Do you want to sacrifice those years of your life for her? If you do that, where will you be in life 30 years from now? Will you be able to support yourself? I don’t know what other options may be available, but you may want to visit your local Agency on Aging and see if they can provide some guidance.
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Reply to mstrbill
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As the others have said, she needs a placement. It's not your financial responsibility. I don't know the procedures for Medicaid placement but there are professionals who can advise you through the process. If you continue to try to be caregiver for both your mother and baby, you'll burn yourself out and feel like you aren't caring for either of them adequately. Your baby needs to be your priority now, and going forward. When your mother is in a safe place, you and your child can visit her as daughter and grandchild and enjoy her company, to whatever degree she is able to be responsive. Don't feel guilty. You've done more for your mother already than most people twice your age or more have needed to.
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Reply to MG8522
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Contact the County to get help to put Mom on Medicaid. She clearly needs it.

You have your own child to worry about! Hopefully the Father is contributing financially. If not, take him to court! You have spent 7 years caregiving your Mom and that is enough!

Mom needs to be placed in the hands of medical professionals, who will keep her safe, clean and fed. They will deal with her depression and physical therapy.
Most important, you have a new baby to take care of. Unless you are a licensed nurse, caregiving a stroke patient is not easy at all. Especially now that she cannot stand. Mom is not your financial responsibility, either.

Do what Mom needs, not what she wants. Good luck!
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Reply to Dawn88
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