My ex-mother-in-law, who I rent a place from on her property, has recently declined. She is 88 years old and she has been a dirty house keeper for the last 15 years. I mean filthy. She is a cat lady and has anywhere from 40 or more at any given time. There are holes cut in every door so the cats are not locked out of anything, and thanks to the holes, the skunks come in and eat all the food, defecate and spray all over the house. I had to pay a friend to come help me clean and we threw up about 6 times while cleaning just the living room. There is dirt in her roman tub so she can grow poinsettias and her washer is filled with dirt. The house is falling apart. She flooded it by leaving the water on for hours for no reason. The cops were called on me after cleaning her house, she said I stole her guns. Her son actually took them after she threatened to kill herself. Money has never been an issue for this women yet I paid her electric bills and fed her dinner for years to make sure she was eating right. There is an ex-girlfriend from high school that my ex dated who befriended my mother in law and has soaked her for bucks and tried to grab my ex's inheritance, but failed. She got mad so I know her and her daughter called APS to flag and started all this crap we're going through. There was no one who would accept her checks because she messed up her accounts and quit paying her bills. So, she wrote me checks to pay for her groceries, feed her animals, taking them to the vet and cover my gas for running all. APS froze her account and took the money from my account. They took back 1,700 dollars she owed for her care over the last 3 months, said I was committing fraud. I have no more money, the animals are starving. I do my best, but they won't release funds for their care. I took her to the doctor, her lawyer said to, and the minute we got there everyone was looking at us like a criminal. The doctor was rude. They took 5 tubes of blood and tried cognitive tests. Then she insists I take her to the hospital takes me out some back door and I have to wheel her across the street in a huge wheelchair. I asked her what do I tell them and she said they will know by the time I get there. The nurses followed me over only to take the chair back to the doctor's office. They took 5 more tubes of blood 20 minutes after they first did her vitals. Blood was fine and they said she could go home tomorrow, but it has been three days and they won't allow us to see her. They have been monitoring her account because all they want is her money. APS has told everyone that we are criminals so they look at us with a glare. It's so embarrassing. If it wasn't for me she wouldn't have had clean clothes, food or personnel needs met. I’m not the caregiver and not related anymore, but now I am an abuser. I can't take any more. I did my best for a women that has been nothing but cruel to me and taken the inheritance my grandparents left for me. That ex-girlfriend got a facelift and a boob job. I have no means of support. We went to a lawyer but he wants $2,500 just as a retainer. My mother in law gave POA to her son, but not for medical decisions because she did not wish to be in a home. They are not honoring her wishes. I have pictures of her reading and signing a paper stating she does not want APS involved and wants her funds released immediately, but no one is listening. They are trying to commit her as we speak. They have not even tried helping or talking to us. I'm learning as I go what I should have done, but I did not know this would happen. I hate no good nosey people who have no right at all to but in someone's life. I’m sick to my stomach every day and regret helping her out because of all this.
To be honest, I can't believe that you yourself didn't call APS years ago and report this woman for the absolute filth she's living in, and with all those animals. No one should live that way, and I'm glad that someone has finally stepped up to help get her out of this situation, as she obviously has a mental illness.
This is a hot mess in more ways than one, but you're best to let APS handle things from here, and learn from the mistakes made along the way.
Or you can move and walk away from it all.
It sounds as though APS has been called and has done an intervention.
It sounds to me as though her current living conditions are considered now unsafe for her.
It does seem that the state will take guardianship of her now and place her for her own care and safety. This is hard for her and for all involved; I am very sorry for it. But she will receive care; it is clear no one could safely intervene for her. I hope you will be able to visit her.
As to the animals please call the Animal Control, sheriff or police; let APS know that they are starving and alone.
Better late than never I suppose.
Your “helping” was just enabling the filthy and very unsafe lifestyle.
Where is the son, your ex, in all this? Who is the “we” you refer to in this post?
Since the authorities have gotten involved, MIL will have a difficult time getting out of this w/o a state guardian and that may be for the best.
She doesn’t get to decide if APS gets involved. However a judge does get to decide what happens.
If you look up ADLs and IADLs, you will see that MIL does need a guardian. The judge might appoint you but the problem is you take direction from MIL, such as taking the wheel chair out the back door and taking her to the hospital.
MIL has used you as her willing accomplice when what she needed was a governor on her worst inclinations. (Dirt in the washer and bathtub, holes in the wall, 40 + cats). You were able to help with the scammers just to be accused yourself.
You knew you weren’t scamming her but the paper trail has to be wherever money flows. This makes it difficult for the authorities to know what really was going on.
You have been looking out for her w/o any legal authority to do so and little thanks.
Is MIL’s attorney you mentioned one who was appointed to her by the state to defend herself?
As you said, you know now that things could have been done differently and protected you from being accused of fraud.
Perhaps the best you can hope for at this point is that MIL will be cared for, that you will be released from any fraud charges and you can find a new place to live. Hopefully you can visit MIL if you wish to after all this.
My very limited experience with APS is they don’t take action without a LOT of evidence that they need to. They simply don’t have the staff or funds to do so.
In time you may be able to appreciate that someone else caring for her has allowed you to live your own life.
Try to find legal aid in your county to help defend yourself from these charges and recover your funds.
I guess you kept no receipts to prove what the checks she gave you were for? No good deed goes unpunished. APS got the money back. They really should not be discussing findings with anyone IMO. They can block you from seeing her. Like I said, back off. Start getting your ducks in a row. You may have to leave her property if they want to sell it. Don't wait. Start packing up and find a place to live. No job, get one. My GF waited to long to get outbof her house that was being sold in a sheriffs sale. They put a lock on the door before she was done getting her things out.