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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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You can't reason with dementia. Period. Full stop. The person you are caring for can not change their compulsion no matter how you try to explain it to them so what you have to do is change something else. Other than finding tissues crammed in every drawer, pocket and crevice what exactly is the problem? - more details will get more specific answers. If they are plugging the toilet disconnect the chain in the tank so they can't flush, it may be necessary to supervise them in the bathroom. Don't leave more tp/tissues out than is needed and hide the extras.
The only thing I've seen work was a complete change of scenery that keeps the habit from fitting into the current scenario.
My mom squirrelled Kleenexes under her pillow every night -- dozens of them -- and it drove my dad nuts. There were hundreds of them under their bed when we finally moved it away from the wall, too. My folks likely went through 3-4 boxes of Kleenex every week just from Mom plucking them from the box in the night and tucking them under her pillow and no amount of reasoning with her worked, nor did simply not having a box of them next to her bed ("I NEED KLEENEX IN THE NIGHT!!").
The only thing that worked was when she was moved to a nursing home. She barely ever touched a tissue in seven months. However, when we moved her there, we brought along her comfy chair that she'd snooze in during the day when she was at home and unwittingly set her up in a new habit. She refused to sleep in the bed in her new place because it was a twin-sized hospital bed instead of the king-sized bed she was accustomed to. She NEVER slept in that bed in seven months, but she slept in the chair because it was familiar. She developed terrible edema in her legs because she wouldn't give up the comfy chair even for a recliner ("I'm going to fall!"), so when we moved her to a memory care facility, the comfy chair didn't go along. Out of sight, out of mind, and she's slept in a twin-sized hospital bed ever since.
Unless this 'hoarding' is ruining your life or your wife's life in some way, leave her alone. Or buy less toilet paper and tissues so there's less around for her to hoard. Trying to change an OCD issue with a person who has dementia is literally impossible, so work WITH it instead of fighting against it. If she was scratching herself until she bled, THAT would be an issue. Unless she's plugging up the toilet with too much TP or tissues, then it doesn't sound like there's much of a problem. If there is a problem in the restroom, accompany her in there and keep the room locked otherwise. Or disconnect the chain in the tank like Cwillie suggested........or provide more details about what the problem is that you're facing with tp and tissues!
Is she insisting on buying more when the cupboards are full? Did this start a year ago when TP was in short supply?
My Dad is a hoarder. There is no reasoning with hoarders even those who do not have dementia, it is a mental illness.
If she is leaving a trail of used Kleenex, you could try giving her hankies. If she is using to much TP that it is damaging the plumbing, give her some each trip to the toilet.
No plumbing problem. It is expensive using a roll a day and a box a day but I get it that there is no attitudinal change to expect as logic has been flushed down the toilet too.
Thank you all for the advice, I appreciate it on this long journey of care to the one I love.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The person you are caring for can not change their compulsion no matter how you try to explain it to them so what you have to do is change something else. Other than finding tissues crammed in every drawer, pocket and crevice what exactly is the problem? - more details will get more specific answers. If they are plugging the toilet disconnect the chain in the tank so they can't flush, it may be necessary to supervise them in the bathroom. Don't leave more tp/tissues out than is needed and hide the extras.
My mom squirrelled Kleenexes under her pillow every night -- dozens of them -- and it drove my dad nuts. There were hundreds of them under their bed when we finally moved it away from the wall, too. My folks likely went through 3-4 boxes of Kleenex every week just from Mom plucking them from the box in the night and tucking them under her pillow and no amount of reasoning with her worked, nor did simply not having a box of them next to her bed ("I NEED KLEENEX IN THE NIGHT!!").
The only thing that worked was when she was moved to a nursing home. She barely ever touched a tissue in seven months. However, when we moved her there, we brought along her comfy chair that she'd snooze in during the day when she was at home and unwittingly set her up in a new habit. She refused to sleep in the bed in her new place because it was a twin-sized hospital bed instead of the king-sized bed she was accustomed to. She NEVER slept in that bed in seven months, but she slept in the chair because it was familiar. She developed terrible edema in her legs because she wouldn't give up the comfy chair even for a recliner ("I'm going to fall!"), so when we moved her to a memory care facility, the comfy chair didn't go along. Out of sight, out of mind, and she's slept in a twin-sized hospital bed ever since.
Trying to change an OCD issue with a person who has dementia is literally impossible, so work WITH it instead of fighting against it. If she was scratching herself until she bled, THAT would be an issue. Unless she's plugging up the toilet with too much TP or tissues, then it doesn't sound like there's much of a problem. If there is a problem in the restroom, accompany her in there and keep the room locked otherwise. Or disconnect the chain in the tank like Cwillie suggested........or provide more details about what the problem is that you're facing with tp and tissues!
Is she insisting on buying more when the cupboards are full? Did this start a year ago when TP was in short supply?
My Dad is a hoarder. There is no reasoning with hoarders even those who do not have dementia, it is a mental illness.
If she is leaving a trail of used Kleenex, you could try giving her hankies. If she is using to much TP that it is damaging the plumbing, give her some each trip to the toilet.
Thank you all for the advice, I appreciate it on this long journey of care to the one I love.
Thanks!