I work retail making $15 an hour. My mom gets social security, and we are barely making it financially. I’m also worn out. The house is a mess even with a friend, who is a nurse, coming by to see her once a week. I have no issues there; however, I was told by my mom that state board nurses are coming next week to check the house. Excuse me, why? We haven’t had services here for 6 months or more. Why would they be coming now to check the house. What does that even mean? Could the nurse have hotlined me for having a dirty (not unsanitary) house? I’m stressed out because I have let it go and there is no way with working and taking care of my mom, I could get it spotless in a week. I’ve told my mom we better start packing now because she is probably going into a nursing home and I’m about to be homeless. I’m so exhausted all the time and stressed out and now this.
You need help.
They will guide you to all options available for you.
Tell them just what you told us, that you are working for minimum wage and you and your Mom are no longer making it on her social security and your small income; that you cannot provide her adequate safety, care and there's no time or energy for housecleaning and neatness.
They are experts at assessing. They will know if this is a safety or unsanitary condition, and they are not especially interested in messy unless it is prepresentative of chaos, which sometimes it is. Or unless it presents a safety issue of trip and fall for an elder, or someone no longer safe alone while you work. You have admitted you don't have the time, energy or ability to do all that needs doing.
The nurse is a mandated reporter, even if she is volunteering, and she may have been the one to make the call. However, they will not tell you who made it, so if any others are in or out of your place it could have been anyone who is worried. That a person like this took this risk to call means you need to take seriously what they are seeing and be scrupulous with admitting to yourself what you are seeing in your own home.
This may be the best thing to happen to you. If your mom is taken into state supervision and placement this will relieve you to not be her caregiver, but her loving daughter who visits as she can, and to get your life together, a better job, and clean up your life.
I am so sorry, but, as I said, welcome them, throw yourself on their mercy and tell them you want to continue in care of your mom but have no access to help and don't know where to begin.
Your friend the nurse reported on you because all healthcare people are mandated by the state to report to the state if they see an unsafe situation involving a vulnerable adult or child.
I did homecare for 25 years. You were not reported on because the home you share with your mother is a little dirty and unorganized. You were reported on because a vulnerable elder is living in dangerous filth and squalor. We don't report on people if the living space doesn't pass the white glove test or there's a basket of laundry in a corner. We report when the home is unfit for human habitation.
Think of these people coming as a blessing in disguise. You and your mother both need help and neither of you are getting any.
When these nurses, who will actually be state social workers, show up be honest with them. Don't make excuses about how hard you work to these people. You wouldn't be the first person to work 40+ hours a week. That was most of my life since I was a teenager. Any place I lived in was clean and decent. Some people will do whatever it takes.
The state is coming one way or another. So either you can be honest and work with them, or you can make excuses about how hard you work and how worn out you are, and they will take action and probably put your mother in a nursing home. Ask your friend the nurse to be present when they make the home visit.
Maybe consider talking to social services and see what the options are for your Mom. As others have correctly pointed out you cannot keep this up without a severe cost to your mental, emotional, physical and financial self. There are solutions, but you have to be willing to be flexible and have adjusted expectations for the care arrangement.
No one should live in filth, but apparently it doesn't seem to bother either of you until now that the threat of someone coming to check out the house is in place.
There was a time in my life when I was a single parent working 2 jobs(one full-time and one part-time)and still had to take care of my children and get all my chores done around the house. And later because I worked in retail management, there was one job where I was working 55-80 hours a week, while having to still care for my husband who was disabled, and keep up everything around our house. It is possible, if it's a priority.
Apparently in your case you nor your mom have made it a priority. It's never too late to start making it one though.
Perhaps this just may be a wake up call that things need to change for you and your mom.
Unless your house is a health hazard to either of you, I highly doubt anything drastic will be done. Sadly lots of people especially hoarders choose to live in filth, so you are not alone.
You can also see the nurse visit as an opportunity - you can ask them about the options available to YOU. see if there are any house cleaning services that social services can pay for. there may even be caregiving welfare payments available to you for taking care of your mom, or something like that that can help with the huge burden.
In any case, don't worry -- it will be OK. and you are doing amazing girl hang in there!!