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I am a live in care giver for husband who has alzhiemers and his wife who is emotionally and physically disabled herself and gotten worse over the ast year and a half.
It's sad. I thought I could help, and for the first year I did. But the last 6 months, the wife has gotten more dysfunctional in her way of care giving. She has cancelled drs. appointments for herself, does not take showers, obsesses over how to take care of him and doesn't take care of herself at all. She sleeps a lot. I am left doing more then my share and the extra caregivers who have been coming are not that good. And I need to train them etc. It's exhausting! I basically take care of the house, cooking shopping etc etc. She does very little except book work. I gave the family my notice of leaving the situation today. The family totally understands and wanted to change the situation a year ago, but the wife has POW and all finances in her name.
If the wife would take care of herself, try to get help with her own physciaal issues, depression and codependency, I might stick around, but the way she is dealing with the situation leaves me taking care of 2 fully disabled peoplI have learned to love them, but lately I do not like them at all.
I gave the family notice today that they will need to make arrangements different care for I need to move on. It is wearing on me way to much to remain. It may take a month or two, but at least I see light at the end of the tunnel.
I need to find a way to manage the burnout I do have now. That is my main concern. Because until the family finds a way to manage this situation, I am here doing my best to stay safe and sane.

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Visit your doctor for guidance about how to successfully treat your burn out, and to see if counseling and antidepressants are recommended. The best thing to do is to quit this job by a certain date, period, whether they've found a replacement or not. It sounds like you've been caring for TWO elders with dementia and that's way too big a burden for one person to bear. Decide when your last day will be, let the family know (otherwise it could take them a year to find a replacement......) and then plan a nice vacation for yourself.

Best of luck to you.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to lealonnie1
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There are plenty of caregiving jobs out there. If this gig is not working, find another. Give two weeks' notice and leave. The family needs to better manage this situation. Happily for you, that is not your problem.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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"It may take a month or two..."

Are you saying you gave the family a month or 2 to replace you? I hope not! You give them 2 weeks and then leave whether they have a replacement or not. Sleep on a friend's couch if you have to, but leave asap.

Few participants on this forum ever recommend or support a live-in arrangement because of just what you are experiencing. I hope you get 100% of yourself back!
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Reply to Geaton777
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The best solution for your burnout at this point is to give your 2 weeks notice and not a 2 month one. That way you can leave this overwhelming situation sooner than later, and can actually see the light at the end of this very trying tunnel.
So call the family today, and tell them that you're leaving in 2 weeks. Make sure that you put it in writing as well, so you have a paper trail.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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You give notice.
Tell family I am leaving on June 1. DO NOT WAIT A MONTH OR TWO. if you wait they will drag this on for longer.
The rest is up to them.
On June 1 you leave and you make a call to APS and report Vulnerable Seniors living alone. (you could also make the call to your State's Elder Abuse hotline number) As a matter of fact if the wife is abusing the husband in any way verbal, physical, emotional, financial you can and should make a call to the Elder Abuse number.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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The family does not need to find a way to manage their situation before you can leave.
You have given notice. How much time did you give? Did you leave it open-ended, and say that you will stay until they make other arrangements? That will not happen as long as you are still there, and continuing to do the job.

You are right - this is more than you can handle. Give them 2 weeks, then at the end of the 2 weeks, LEAVE. Don't look back, don't call and ask how they are doing, don't change your mind and stay because they don't seem to have a good care plan in place. This is not your problem.

This is the answer to managing your burnout. Stop doing this job. This has gotten way beyond your capability. Don't wait a month or two - or more!
Two weeks Max!
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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How much training did you have in caregiving before this job? It may not be what is best for you. You may want to rethink your life choices and career path. I agree that you should give the family two weeks notice and then just leave.
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Reply to JustAnon
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