If a parent is in an assisted living, why are you not allowed to visit to check on them at any time?

Wwhelp, never heard of that. I could visit my Dad when he was in Assisted Living at any time, same with my Mom who was in a nursing home.

Is someone in your family telling the facilities not to let you visit?

I agree that restricting visiting hours is not the norm (at least where I live), however I know that staffing ratios are lower at night and the main doors may be locked for security reasons so you may have to buzz or call to get in, so if the person in charge of the door is busy you may have to wait a while for a response.

Well, think about security a minute - if assisted living is your home, would you be happy that just anyone could wander the halls whenever? After all, you know that you are legitimately visiting your relative, but how would other residents know you were a legitimate visitor? I can understand some real controls on who and when - especially when you consider that many facilities are not heavily staffed with security people and the caregiver staff are generally busy caregiving. (Hint: good security staff are a different breed - they are not lobby greeters. I worked for a time in hospital security so I do know something about this issue.)

I would not have entertained the idea of my loved one staying in a facility where she did not have freedom to come and go as she pleased (if only in theory) and where she could not welcome anyone she wanted at any time of the day or night - again, in theory. In practice, of course, one is considerate of staff and other residents and does not barge about the place making a racket at unsocial hours, or demand attention when they're trying to get breakfast served, for example.

Nor would I have considered a facility which did not have adequate security in place. It's not that difficult to staff and monitor the lobby. The facility where my mother did stay for respite breaks and the three we looked at as permanent prospects were fine on this point.

They lock the doors at 6 p.m. in this nice AL, but at a recent visit, anyone could walk in, go anywhere.

A friend had her Mom in a AL where you signed in and out at the lobby, residents too.

So, it varies.

At my Mom's AL you can come in and out up to a certain time, then after hours like a previous poster said you would need to buzz to be let in. At any time you visit though you are required to sign in, indicate what room you are visiting and then you are given a color coded name badge to worn. I do try not to visit at night after hours though out of respect to the other residents.

One reason the doors are locked after a certain time is for security. My daughter lingered until 8:30 pm one evening and as she went down the hall a resident asked her, “What are you doing here? It’s past bedtime!”

I posted the original question. And I wanted to tell everyone the following. At the assisted living my mom is at, they say they are going to start locking doors at 8 pm which they were suppose to be doing anyway, and saying only employees can go in or out after 8:00 pm. I agree except the part that a family member can not come in randomly, it is understandable as long as the resident can still be checked on randomly and the family member who mainly takes care of things can have a pass or code or something where they can come in. In this case it is myself. I am 66 years old and I do not disturb anyone. But I have brought several problems to their attention and I feel that they do not want me to see and know about things that happen or complain about what is not being done. Medicine was not given correctly. Directions were written out specifically the way they were supposed to be given per pharmacy after my mom was in ER the night before RX was written for the next day back in January. Pharmacy wrote out specific instructions because of the age of my mom and the time a medicine was given in ER the night before. The medicine was given that morning instead of 4 pm in afternoon. I had also noticed that her medicine was not given at 8 am (regular medicine) it was given sometime after 10 am. I brought it to the director's attention. He said the person was counseled. This happened about a month ago. Yesterday medicine was put in her cup to take and she told the med tech that she does not take this medicine and my mother told me it was a long purple pill. She said the med tech said Oh no, give me that medicine back that is not yours. When my mom 1st moved in I had told them I need to be there late with my mom until she goes to sleep they said that is ok. Months later, they changed it said they only meant that for a while and I was told I could not stay as late as I did. I know it was because 3rd shift did not like it. I had walked up on a med tech (sleeping/dosing off) and I turned around and went back to my mom's room and I think she knew I saw her. Another time on 3rd my mom told me she asked the caregiver to take a curler out of her hair because it was tangled. I roll her hair at night around the front and top. My mom could not get it out. The 3rd shift told her we can not do that we need permission. So a couple of nights later I went to the 3rd shift and asked either for a MAR which shows the medicine when it is given and what is given or either I gave them a note to make sure my mom was ready to go to the doctor the next morning. The 3rd shift Med tech says what's up with the curler? I thought what a way to address this. I said since you asked, my mother asked someone to take her curler out because it was hurting her and not one person helped her and I said whether it was one curler or more or all of them if they start hurting take them out. She said we can't do that we need permission. I said no you do not need permission if someone asks you to help them and they are in pain & hurting, you need to help them. She called someone after I left. Next day I was told they should have helped. I feel animosity against me. Also another time I had to take my mom to the ER because her calf was scraped all the skin curled up in a circle about 2 inches wide and 2 inches long was torn and hanging on and her flesh was like a raw steak. I had a local facility send in a nurse to take care of this. I bought leg protectors that were $129 from a medical supply. The assisted living did not pay for them which I feel they should have since they did it. On Her hand the other day it was black on top from someone holding her hand to tight. Bruising which I know happens because if someone is on Coumadin. But she has been on 2.5 mg and her hands have never been bruised but legs were always bruised from hands being to rough or being hit by the legs of a wheel chair when taking them off. The leg protectors have helped. Another time she was not getting her furosemide (lasix) the times she was suppose to take it. I had to bring it up to the director he said he talked to them, later she was not getting it again finally she started getting it correctly. Another time I asked them to make sure my mom elevates her feet for an hour in am and 1 hour in pm. I had a hard time trying to get that done. My mom had to have help because of her hip replacement. I took care of my mother for 8 years prior her hip replacement. Her Medicare check is not enough for assisted living even with a small VA dependent check she recently was able to get but she still does not have enough monthly. I pay for the cost of diapers, pads, briefs, AARP plan F supplemental insurance is $294.00 a month and her Rx Plan part D is $62.00 a month which does not pay for the monthly medicines. Medicines run $65 to $100 monthly which I pay for and I pay the difference in the cost of her room that her money is not enough for. Other assisted livings cost more. I feel that she should be able to get Medicaid. Online it says you have a limit of income, her $$ may be over a little so that makes her not qualify. I love my mother and have helped all I can now with this problem not being able to be there when I want to check on her and all of the costs higher at other facilities what can you do? I feel boxed in and it is not right to me that an assisted living can tell you not to come in after certain hours. I think all assisted livings should have security and they do have a machine you enter your name in and get a ticket to wear with your name on it when you are there. I like having locked doors which there have been many times outside doors were left open about an inch that I have seen near my mom's room or they were closed but not locked. I had to get them locked before I left because I worried someone could come in. I can rely on a certain person when she works the doors are locked near my mom's side of the building, but I do not know about the other area's even though I have heard other's say they have been open. But they always said they will make sure they are locked several times but it always ended up unlocked again and again, so having doors REALLY locked is a good idea but the person who takes care of everything such as me and then being told I can not come in after 8:pm that really bothers me. Yesterday I was told by a caregiver in the future there will be new visiting hours but it is not new. It has always suppose to be that but was not enforced. So this is something I feel is toward me but they told me it was for safety and security of all which is ok but I feel a family member should be able to go in or someone let you in when you want to come in and not have an attitude about it. The family should be able to check on their loved ones at anytime. I am the one that does it all and the one that only checks on my mother to make sure she is ok. Brother and sister do not help at all. Even if these Assisted living facilities all are run by different companies they all should have a state requirement that the family member who is usually in charge or designates someone else can come in at anytime and be with their family there! It is not right especially when you hear of all that is going on everywhere in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. If your loved one isn’t feeling well, you may want to stop in at random times to check on their health. It’s also a good idea to visit unannounced. This surprise visit lets you see how things are going with your family member when you aren’t around. Any facility that doesn’t allow random visits or overnight guests may be trying to hide something an assisted living or a nursing home.

Just recently in Florida I read about the following: https://www.cnn.com/videos/health/2017/12/28/retirement-home-attack-florida.cnn/video/playlists/treatment-in-nursing-homes/

Wrong Medication given in facilities: www.nursinghomeabuseguide.org/mediccation-errors/wrong-medication-given

Overdosing in facilities & abuse: www.nursinghomeabusecenter.org/types-of-abuse/overmedicating-wrong-medication/

I read this below on a blog about med techs who give out medicines: http://allnurses.com/lpn-lvn-corner/whos-license-do-372677-page2.html

I personally do not favor med techs in any institution and I am glad my facility doesn’t use them....although they did talk about it at one time but all the nurses were so against it that it quickly got dropped...in my nursing school I was taught that if you are the nurse in the bldg and a med tech messes up..med error or whatever that you are the responsible one...it goes up the chain...the nurse in charge/or in the bldg...then the nsg mgmt..don etc....not to mention policies. I think that 2 wks of training is a JOKE and I would not ever trust a med tech to give ANY med whether that pt was mine or not. I told my DON that if she started using a med tech that I would not be held accountable for them in any manner and that I would not assign them to anything...she would have to...I think they are unsafe. They dont know when not to give a med or what its for...they dont have the knowledge or the assessment skills it takes to make proper judgement calls....esp with bp meds, cardiac meds, coumadins, narcs, diabetics..etc...I think that places hire them and use them b/c its cheap labor. Plus...a med tech cannot assess jack....they cant take or write orders from a doctor much less know when they should even contact one....that is all put on the nurses plate which is a crock. I would never go for a med tech giving a member of my family any type of med..not even mylanta! I would want a real nurse. I guess it all boils down to how a place can save a buck and cut corners any way they can. Ive had cnas ask me if they could give some of my meds....and ive always said no. They have asked other nurses and those idiots let them give some meds so they automatically think its ok and kosher. The way I see it is its their license...not mine. Also....alot of assisted living places do use med techs b/c the state licensing requirements are totally different and allow it.

Facilities have open house / visitor hours set for the security of and consideration to staff and ALL residents. My experience is 9AM - 8/9PM.

All the places we’ve gone to from IL to NH, even a CCRC, all have had signage with hours posted with either a keypad code needed or security called to buzz you in after hours. Observering facility rules was a line in the admissions contract for my mom’s IL and NH.

Residents can move about as they wish. My MILs NH had a card group that played afterhours. I’m sure residents watch movies, etc in others rooms after visitor hours as well. Residents need to be assured that there’s some level of security for them which “open house hours” helps to provide.

WW, is there a reason why you cannot visit during more traditional time?

All AL's and MC's have visiting hour limits. Some are strict, some are lax.

In mother's first facility (Rosarito, Mexico) they had visiting hours 10 am-6pm. Seemed reasonable but when we came early, she was doing activities or getting a bath. Waits of over an hour were common if we came in the morning .

The new MC in Tijuana only has visiting hours from 3 pm to 6 pm. I hate it because it's rush hour traffic. I believe their reasoning is they need the mornings for breakfast, potty, bathing and dressing. Being a nurse, I completely understand the timing. How can you have 28 people fed, bathed, dressed and ready to visit by 10 am? You can't.

Hubby pushes the time issue and gets us there by 2 pm. No one has said anything about it yet. We always pay before the due date, bring whatever they ask within a day or two and have given little treats to the staff. Maybe they'll let us keep coming at 2 pm.

I used to hate when hospital visitors would come before visiting hours. The patients would want to stop whatever I was doing and visit. I'd have to come back and that threw me off schedule.

I try to be cooperative for the staff's sake. I see them work hard. Mom is well taken care of and she is a "challenging" old gal. Fiesty and stubborn, she scratched the aide on the arm. Time for us to cut her nails again!

I don't believe they are hiding anything. We call every two days to check up. Monday's are no visit days because the doctor does his rounds. He's given good treatment.

Wow, those are really restrictive hours Sue! We are talking Assisted Living here, not skilled nursing (although mom's nursing home does have a 24 hour open door policy too). I don't buy that visits would be interrupting care, baths are on a schedule that we know in advance, so are naps, I'm welcome to help in the dining room (although I've never gone for breakfast) and if mom needs personal care they draw the curtains or ask me to step out. Of course you need to be a courteous visitor: if mom's roommate is in the room we visit in the lounge, I don't bring in special treats in front of other residents, and of course I wouldn't make a lot of noise that could disturb others. This is people's home, and IMO as long as their visitors are not disturbing others they should be free to have company whenever they want.

I’d suggest you get her evaluated to move into a NH where she can have skilled nursing care. She applies for Medicaid. As she’s been in AL for quite a while, there should be a pretty clear pattern as to where her $$ has been spent so hopefully no major issues for eligibility.

Between Medicare and Medicaid (a “dual”) and living in a NH all of her health care, medication and daily room & board costs should be covered. There will be clothing, toiletries and beauty salon costs by all her major expenses taken care of by her being a “dual” but should be less than what the costs now are. Plus skilled nursing staff, therapists, social worker, regular podiatrist visits.

wwhelp2017, my Dad was in Assisted Living and because I wanted him to be in some place that is safe, so I wouldn't need to keep running back and forth to "check on him". And the only time I would visit Dad after 6pm is if he was being transported to the ER.

I have a feeling that your Mom won't go to asleep until very late due to the fact you are there. She might feel she needs to stay awake to entertain you. Have you tried not visiting so very late in the evening? Since its been a few months, a routine has been set that might be very hard to break :( Did you set up Mom's bedroom identical to what she had at home? I did that for my Dad, so it made him feel like he was still at home.

As for Mom's hair rollers, have you tried the sponge rollers? The sponge rollers tend not to grab onto the hair like brush roller do, ouch !!

With you being a nurse, you are familiar with triage. Assisted living facilities have triage situations on a regular basis. It might be on another floor or in the next building. Thus, if a resident request help with a hair roller, that will be placed on the back burner until the triage is complete.

If you and Mom are not happy with the facility/staff, time to start searching for a new facility. I couldn't tell from your post if Mom was self-pay or if she was on a Medicaid program or something similar. If the latter, open bed spaces are sometimes limited.

Hope everything in the future works out for the best for your Mom.