Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
It’s very hard to replicate what a nursing home would do for mom. You’ve never done it before. They have professionally trained caregivers who know how to deal with every bump in the road. You don’t have that knowledge.
As far as family pitching in to help, that lasts for about 5 minutes. Don’t count on it. Scheduling caregivers around the clock in your home is a big hassle. If you’re planning for wife and daughters to care for her, think again. It’s your mom. You deal with her poop and pee.
You need to find a different facility if this one’s not working. Bringing her into your home is a terrible idea.
I will say this as someone that strongly considered taking my mother home after her current facility threatened her removal. In theory I could have, and you don't understand I wanted to so bad. I know my mom would have loved it, and honestly so would I.
Here lays the issue our feelings blind us from the truth. Harsh truth our parents are placed for a reason. Please do not let emotions cloud your better judgment. Your mom is where she is for a reason. It may not be ideal and I 100% get that, but often when it comes to medical issues ideal is just not possible.
Think long and hard about this not only for your sake but also your moms.
Thought something similar until got food poisoning twice from facility I'm in less then a month apart.
Others must have caught something as well, since the kitchen was sanitized and now there is hand sanitizer at the front desk when there was none before
I would rather ask what is in the best interest of your Mother?
What are her care needs?
Can these be met in a home setting? (Either with family only or family + staff). Will she have supervision, assisitance, activities & socialisation at the level she needs?
If you give us more information (like, why you are thinking of removing your mom from a NH, if that's we here she is living right now), you'll get better answers.
Your profile says your mom has dementia. Think carefully about how you will provide her with care before you commit to taking her out of her current situation.
Naturally the answer is no - they can't force you to keep her in a nursing home.
But, the real question is - are you prepared for the realities of bringing her home?
A nursing home has multiple staff members 24/7 to cover her needs. The facility is designed to support her needs (large doors for wheelchairs and walkers, bathrooms designed with no thresholds and walk-in showers, no carpet, handrails, elevators, specialty beds, different therapies and doctors available to come to HER onsite.)
While response times may not be immediate - she can push a button 24 hours a day 7 days a week and get help without anyone having to schedule someone to take care of her while they leave for a few hours. Vacations are covered by other staff members - not by having to hire individual help to cover shifts. And people can actually TAKE vacations. Staff are trained to deal with things like changing incontinence underwear/diapers when they are soiled - SAFELY. They are trained to assist someone up from a fall - SAFELY and can quickly get more help if needed. They have hoyer lifts to pick residents up if needed.
So my first question is - is it just you? Are you intending to be your mother's 24/7 caregiver? Also, all due respect - if you are married - have you talked to your spouse about this? Are they onboard with this decision? Are they going to be able to help? Do you have backup care arranged? How will she be transported to doctor's appointments? How will you help her if she falls? What is her sleep schedule like?
Do you have children? If so, how will this impact them?
I completely understand the reaction to want to pull a loved one out of a NH if they aren't happy but a quick reaction to just bring them to live with you is often a bad idea and knee jerk at best. And once you do it, then you stop to think about it. And then it's too late to figure things out.
Stop and think about it now. If you are still working - you should not stop to be home 24/7 to become a caregiver. If you have a spouse they should NOT become the primary caregiver. If you have children, you should consider THEM and your own family first. Don't make this decision quickly or lightly.
The first sentence of your 3rd paragraph, When I couldn't get up out of bed to get water, I thought so too, until the nurse told me I'd have to wait because she was the only nurse on the floor and had to deal with several patients.
I didn't get water until much later that day. I'm so glad the only things the nurses do for me is bring the food, set up the shower and change the sheets on to the bed. If accesd to these were available, I wouldn't call the nurse at all
Actually, yes, in some cases they can. But it is not directly the Dr., but rather the Dr. referring the case to APS. If the Dr. (and nurses involved) believe that mother is not thriving at home and is possibly being neglected or kept at home for financial gain, they will call APS. APS does have the power to prevent family from taking LO into an environment they deem abusive or unsafe.
There is a reason people are telling you not to do this. I think people don’t realize how detailed and hard it’ll be. Really think this through.
-Any sort of schedule you have now will be out the window.
-Can you lift her several times a day?
-Being male, you will need a female aide for things like bathing and toileting. And possibly a female aide to help her get dressed. Are you okay with workers (strangers) in your house?
-Can you handle pee or poop accidents on her bed or anywhere else in the house?
-Are your toilets, bathtubs, etc handicap-ready? Will her bed have safety rails? Are meds stored safely?
-If you have pets, will she adjust to them or the pets to her?
-There will be no more dinners out, no vacations. Friends and family will say to call if you need anything, but you'll find almost none will volunteer to stay with her if you want or need time out.
-When do you plan to get things like errands and grocery shopping done?
-If she worsens, how will you handle the medical needs? If she keeps you up at night, how do you plan to handle work the next day?
-If you get sick or hurt, what plan do you have for her care?
Finally, consider she is set in a routine at NH. Taking her out of that and into a whole new one is a rough transition on an elder. If you end up having to place her again, that's another round of transition and newness she'll have to adjust to.
I've said before that people think they can "love their way" through caregiving. That love will be enough to sustain their energy and will. It isn't. Most on here loved their elder dearly and wanted to care for them. They had to place their elder to save both of their lives.
Grandma1954 August 2, 2023 7:31 am In theory they can. If you can not provide an environment that is safe. If you can not provide the help that is needed in order to safely care for mom then to discharge her to your care is not possible. If you can prove that you have the means to provide safe care then there should be no problem having her discharged to your care.
That out of the way I have to ask why do you want to do this? Caring for someone with dementia is not easy. It is a 'round the clock job. You will either have to hire someone to come in and help or you will be doing this all yourself and I can tell you that is an almost impossible task. Caregiver Burnout is real. If mom is eligible you might want to get Hospice involved. The Social Worker can help and if the facility/doctor knows that Hospice will be involved and you will get all the equipment and supplies you need and you will have Hospice Team in helping each week that may go far in showing that you can manage this.
But if this is what you want to do and the facility and the doctor is resistant you may have to get the Attorney involved that dealt with your mom when the papers for your POA were made.
I think you need to seriously reconsider this. Visit mom, spend time with her, be her son not her caregiver.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
As far as family pitching in to help, that lasts for about 5 minutes. Don’t count on it. Scheduling caregivers around the clock in your home is a big hassle. If you’re planning for wife and daughters to care for her, think again. It’s your mom. You deal with her poop and pee.
You need to find a different facility if this one’s not working. Bringing her into your home is a terrible idea.
Here lays the issue our feelings blind us from the truth. Harsh truth our parents are placed for a reason. Please do not let emotions cloud your better judgment. Your mom is where she is for a reason. It may not be ideal and I 100% get that, but often when it comes to medical issues ideal is just not possible.
Think long and hard about this not only for your sake but also your moms.
Others must have caught something as well, since the kitchen was sanitized and now there is hand sanitizer at the front desk when there was none before
Cover909
What are her care needs?
Can these be met in a home setting? (Either with family only or family + staff).
Will she have supervision, assisitance, activities & socialisation at the level she needs?
If you give us more information (like, why you are thinking of removing your mom from a NH, if that's we here she is living right now), you'll get better answers.
Your profile says your mom has dementia. Think carefully about how you will provide her with care before you commit to taking her out of her current situation.
But, the real question is - are you prepared for the realities of bringing her home?
A nursing home has multiple staff members 24/7 to cover her needs.
The facility is designed to support her needs (large doors for wheelchairs and walkers, bathrooms designed with no thresholds and walk-in showers, no carpet, handrails, elevators, specialty beds, different therapies and doctors available to come to HER onsite.)
While response times may not be immediate - she can push a button 24 hours a day 7 days a week and get help without anyone having to schedule someone to take care of her while they leave for a few hours. Vacations are covered by other staff members - not by having to hire individual help to cover shifts. And people can actually TAKE vacations. Staff are trained to deal with things like changing incontinence underwear/diapers when they are soiled - SAFELY. They are trained to assist someone up from a fall - SAFELY and can quickly get more help if needed. They have hoyer lifts to pick residents up if needed.
So my first question is - is it just you? Are you intending to be your mother's 24/7 caregiver? Also, all due respect - if you are married - have you talked to your spouse about this? Are they onboard with this decision? Are they going to be able to help? Do you have backup care arranged? How will she be transported to doctor's appointments? How will you help her if she falls? What is her sleep schedule like?
Do you have children? If so, how will this impact them?
I completely understand the reaction to want to pull a loved one out of a NH if they aren't happy but a quick reaction to just bring them to live with you is often a bad idea and knee jerk at best. And once you do it, then you stop to think about it. And then it's too late to figure things out.
Stop and think about it now. If you are still working - you should not stop to be home 24/7 to become a caregiver. If you have a spouse they should NOT become the primary caregiver. If you have children, you should consider THEM and your own family first. Don't make this decision quickly or lightly.
I didn't get water until much later that day. I'm so glad the only things the nurses do for me is bring the food, set up the shower and change the sheets on to the bed. If accesd to these were available, I wouldn't call the nurse at all
Cover909
Really think this through.
-Any sort of schedule you have now will be out the window.
-Can you lift her several times a day?
-Being male, you will need a female aide for things like bathing and toileting. And possibly a female aide to help her get dressed. Are you okay with workers (strangers) in your house?
-Can you handle pee or poop accidents on her bed or anywhere else in the house?
-Are your toilets, bathtubs, etc handicap-ready? Will her bed have safety rails? Are meds stored safely?
-If you have pets, will she adjust to them or the pets to her?
-There will be no more dinners out, no vacations. Friends and family will say to call if you need anything, but you'll find almost none will volunteer to stay with her if you want or need time out.
-When do you plan to get things like errands and grocery shopping done?
-If she worsens, how will you handle the medical needs? If she keeps you up at night, how do you plan to handle work the next day?
-If you get sick or hurt, what plan do you have for her care?
Finally, consider she is set in a routine at NH. Taking her out of that and into a whole new one is a rough transition on an elder. If you end up having to place her again, that's another round of transition and newness she'll have to adjust to.
I've said before that people think they can "love their way" through caregiving. That love will be enough to sustain their energy and will. It isn't. Most on here loved their elder dearly and wanted to care for them. They had to place their elder to save both of their lives.
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/if-you-are-going-to-become-a-caregiver-480769.htm?orderby=recent&page=1�
In theory they can.
If you can not provide an environment that is safe. If you can not provide the help that is needed in order to safely care for mom then to discharge her to your care is not possible.
If you can prove that you have the means to provide safe care then there should be no problem having her discharged to your care.
That out of the way I have to ask why do you want to do this?
Caring for someone with dementia is not easy. It is a 'round the clock job.
You will either have to hire someone to come in and help or you will be doing this all yourself and I can tell you that is an almost impossible task. Caregiver Burnout is real.
If mom is eligible you might want to get Hospice involved. The Social Worker can help and if the facility/doctor knows that Hospice will be involved and you will get all the equipment and supplies you need and you will have Hospice Team in helping each week that may go far in showing that you can manage this.
But if this is what you want to do and the facility and the doctor is resistant you may have to get the Attorney involved that dealt with your mom when the papers for your POA were made.
I think you need to seriously reconsider this.
Visit mom, spend time with her, be her son not her caregiver.
See All Answers