Hello. I am an active 57 year old living alone but also have a physical and mental disability. I am now living in Manchester,NH where I grew up and my children and grandchildren live. I hate it here. This is the "drug capital of the country" now. All our resources go to drug recovery even though there is a "safe house" where people can do their drugs. I hear sirens every night because people are always over dosing. There are many prople here that want to move. I live alone and want to be more social but there is nothing to do here. All the events cost money and go to drug recovery. People in Manchester are rude and disconneced. I have the chance to move to the Rockland/Camden/ Belfast areas. The populations are small and they are community oriented, tight knit where people tend to help each other out. Maine is a more laid back, less stress environment. Living on disability, I have a very tight budget and presently have no car. Maine's cost of living is lower and I can get an apartment for less than my Manchester apartment with all utilities included right by the ocean coastline. With the cost of living lower I most likely could afford a car. My question is: Would I regret moving away from my grandchildren (even though I only see them once or twice a month because my kids are always busy). I would be a 4 hour drive away. I hope to be able to get involved with community activities instead of sitting home feeling lonely and bored. I want to be outside and active and maybe even find a significant other someday. My kids tell me "I will only bring my problems with me." I also work at Hannafords and most likely can trsnsfer to Hannafords in Maine. Thank you for your input.
I would say go for it. Your current environment is obvious causing you anxiety and you stay home because that is a safe place for you. If you are happy with hanafods as an employer definitely put in for a transfer
It is going to be difficult to change your life style and you may wish you had not moved. Find yourself a nice apartment close to the ocean if possible with two bedrooms so the family can visit. You may be surprised how often they visit if you live on the coast. As you are low income and over 55 you may be able to find low income accommodation and have the security of someone on site for emergencies.
I agree that everything does cost money but you may be old enough to take some free classes or at least audit them. The local library is also a good source for free entertainment and meeting new people. Many churches in my area of NYS host multiple free meals during the year with just a free will offering. You will find other single women there who would be glad to strike up a conversation.
I don't know what your disabilities are but there are usually ample opportunities for volunteer work. Maybe a thrift store, helping in the church, visiting shut ins, volunteering for hospice or a hospital. During a recent surgery there was a volunteer who brought refresments for patients and relatives. Hospice volunteers can work with patients by doing things like keeping them company, reading and writing letters helping people finish projects they are anxious to complete before they die. One woman needed a typist to help her complete a book. Another was making quilts for the grand children and the volunteer helped by cutting fabric. If you are able helping in the garden or going for a walk with you pushing a wheelchair in the neighborhood.
You sound as though you are looking forward to starting a new life. Anything is possible if you put the effort into it. Good luck go for it.
There will always be (in the back of your mind) that living close to relatives is best. For example, in your old age, for medical reasons, if there are good relationships, etc.
Well, for a person such as yourself, wanting a real life, one that makes sense, and away from the drug culture, you moving to the coast is a good idea, imo.
I say that because, sometimes having a coastal home allows family to visit and enjoy the beaches. Maybe if you are happier, they will come. If they NEVER come, you can still have a happy life, because it is what you want. You have a plan!
Keep in mind the transitory nature of beachgoers and drugs, be careful where you end up. As far as the old admonition, 'wherever you go, there you are' offered by your adult children, I just need to ask you....are they on drugs too? Borrow money from you? Say they will call you back but never do? To me, it sounds like judgment or condemnation coming from them. Almost a putdown, but maybe not-it could be just a careless statement from those not wanting to think about it or get involved.
Be sure to move to a place with good medical care for your disability, and access to a well-designed support system-as a multitude of counselors can be better than adult children if they are selfish or too busy. The best thing you can do is have your own life.
Have a secure, affordable transportation plan. Call the nearest senior center to hire a private driver once or twice a month.
Test the waters by arranging an air bnb visit, renting a room in a home for a visit in the area you like. Call a realtor to show you around while you are there. It is good to dream.
If you feel that you may be a vulnerable adult subject to exploitation (as in maybe dating, poor decision making issues, etc.) then move anyway, add AgingCare members as one of your supports, get some counselors for finances, etc. You are still very young and need an environment that will be conducive to making a happy life.
Now, here is the test: If you can rent/buy and move to your dream place BY YOURSELF, without your kids help, then go!!!
Do they drive you places now? Reluctantly?
Are you stable living with mental health issues, or are you often hospitalized?
Have hope, it sounds like a good plan. You work, you can buy a car, wow, that says it all!
Share-renting is another possibilty. People love to rent to working, employed persons!
Imo, you will not miss your grandchildren more. Waiting, longing for a visit IS already missing them, and it hurts when you don't have your own life to keep you busy.
You've got two options.
1. Move to Maine, transfer your job, enjoy the facilities. Only a) be ready to hear constant complaints from the children and b) beware the saying that "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."
2. Stay put, be more proactive and/or assertive about seeing the Small Ones regularly - if you want to! - and when it comes to activities and resources for people of our age who don't do drugs... start something! What sort of thing would you like to do? I bet you're not the only one in your town who feels left out and disconnected.
I live 3+ hours' drive from my children and grand baby; but I don't want to move closer to them for all sorts of good practical reasons. And I miss them, and I don't see them from one moon to the next; but hey, you cannot - must not - build your social life on your children or your happiness on their attention to you. It's not fair to them and it's no way to fulfilment, either.
Personally I'd go for Option #2. And why not start at work? - put up notices inviting people to join in with whatever you think would be fun - poker night, book club, sewing circle - endless possibilities!
But these are days when communication in person can be by Skype. There's always the telephone, and some folks like me still use old fashioned cards b/c I've seen how much they cheer a person up.
In addition, younger people these days (as I did when I was younger) aren't barred by a 4 hour drive. They'll drive much farther than that, sometimes even up to a 10 hour drive in one day.
Do remember that as your grandchildren grow up, they'll follow their own lives and might spend less time with you than they do now. Would you be comfortable with that?
But, given you intense dislike of the Manchester area, I would say go for the change. Why continue to be unhappy if not miserable in an area that sounds like it has so many problems that aren't correctable easily.
Go for the new lifestyle; it'll cheer you up. You've thought it out well, make your plans and enjoy a new lifestyle.
Personally, I've always wanted to visit more of the NE coastal states; there's so much history there, and such beauty.
I have gotten know know quite a few older people (70s and up). What I hear all the time is...I should have..... I could have...why didn't I.....
Do your research. Be sure the greater social interaction there is as good as you think. Make sure you have the job, social involvement, etc all set so that you know it will be real when you get there. Then decide
Our neighborhood changed decades ago after a very good mayor retired and less qualified one gained and held office for years. Another good one has been elected, but not w/o some less than qualified tailgaters.
When I moved in, police services were top notch; they've been deteriorating for years. Yet they think they're the greatest, and the publicity the city engages in is to the effect that they are the greatest.
I used to feel that I could rely on the police if need be; now I have no confidence in them at all. And that makes me want to get out w/o looking back.
So, Aries, I understand your desire if not need to get out of that area.