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We do not, nor have we ever, co-mingled money. Nor do we have any notion of each others estates. We keep all money matters to ourselves. Should he need out-of-home care before me, must I pay for it?
Those who choose to live together instead of marrying need to check out the impact that will have on their old age, care, and inheritance after spending many years together with no legal status.
If spouse served in the military, you could receive benefits based on his/her service. For instance, an annuitant for military benefits can receive up to 55% of a spouse's military pension when he passes. For social security retirement benefits, if married at least ten years and meeting other conditions, your SS benefit gets bumped up to his larger one when he passes. If they have a company pension, you may have rights to that or a portion of it when she passes.
Cohabiting has its perks, but anyone considering it should think about the downside. No one wants to be sitting alone at age 80 thinking, "Hmmm, if we'd only married, I'd have three times my present income and could be planning a trip to Hawaii with my handsome physical fitness instructor."
No, he not automatically entitled, especially since he is not a close relative (which is how most inheritances go when there is no Will).
Most states do not recognize "common law" relationships. He will need to be named as an inheritor in your legally created Will or be named a beneficiary on your investments, been joint on your bank accounts, joint on your titled properties, etc.
Neither you nor he will not be financially responsible anything for of your debts except if you are joint on things, like a credit card or mortgage -- but it doesn't seem like this is your situation.
If something happens to him first and he requires facility care, you will need to know how that will impact your ability to continue to live in your shared residence, if it is a house or condo (or even an apartment if the lease is only in his name).
He needs to assign someone as his PoA now before a crisis hits and while he has "capacity", because having the money to pay for something is different than someone being able to access that money to pay for his needs, and only a legally recognized representative will be able to do this. If he doesn't assign a PoA, then if a situation occurs where he is incapacitated, *someone* will need to be his legal guardian (either you or the county) in or to make his decisions and manage his affairs.
FYI, I personally do not think it is wise to make your PoA someone who is the same (or close in) age as yourself since there is no guarantee the PoA won't have problems first. There should be a back-up named who is at least a generation younger (and hopefully local).
We did everything through a CELA (certified elder law attorney). Every state has unique laws and rules. Trusts can be a good solution but are more expensive and complicated to create (we have one). There is a lot to know and it is worth the price of a consultation. Sometimes the consultation is free if you continue to work with that attorney.
You're a wealth of information! Although most of my estate is in order, I wanted to be sure of this aspect. I've made an appt for the near future! Thanks!
AmbChicago, I'm glad you're checking in with a group as well-versed as this one usually is.
Here's the thing about lawyers and other professionals. They don't know what they don't know.
A lawyer who specializes in taxes will tell you that you can gift $17k per year without penalty. But that doesn't apply to Medicaid regs. An elder law or Trusts and Estates attorney would be the better person to ask that question of.
My DH was recently in the hospital with a very serious case of internal bleeding. This happened after urological surgery. No fewer that FOUR highly qualified MDs at one of NYC's teaching hospitals said "oh, and we'll start him on Drug X tomorrow". I have been warned about drug x over the years because people with artificial heart valve can't take it. The valve will cease to function.
So, 4 docs and not none of them knew the right answer, including the one whose 85 year old FIL is a cardiologist. HE at least had the good grace to come back the next day and say that he was wrong.
No. You are not married. Whether this is a male or female doesn't figure in it at all. You are free to choose to marry, become domestic partners, or have other legal arrangements and so far you have declined doing that.
As I understand it, you are not domestic partners. So neither of you has any more rights to anything that a roommate, which is what you will be considered if you don't marry.
Now, you CAN share estates, make one another your POA, or anything else simply as FRIENDS. All it takes if seeing a good attorney and doing POA papers as well as wills.
Your relationship has lasted many years. May I ask you why the two of you would not choose to protect one another should the other of you die?
Thank you Alva. Your reply is appreciated. Yes, you may ask...it goes back to him not wanting to become entangled financially, and the fact that our relationship has cooled, not dead, but cooled. I've encouraged him many times to be sure his "house" is in order with his daughter. I can't force it. But thanks!
Just my opinion...but if you have never claimed yourselves as husband and wife and never co-mingled ur money or done taxes together, you would not be responsible to pay for his care. Actually its been said on this forum that even as a spouse there is a form you can fill out saying u will not pay for the other spouses care. If you want to protect each other, thats what Wills are for. Also beneficiaries.
Thanks, JoAnn. Your opinion counts just as much as anyone's. I believe you're right, but wanted to hear others' opinions. As I said below, I don't trust all professionals, so wanted opinions from we real people!
Each state has its own laws and criteria that define what is and isn't a "common law marriage". If you have good reason to believe that your relationship would not fall under your state's criteria, then solidify your gut feeling by stating clearly in your Will that you are NOT leaving your partner any of your estate. If you wish to state the reason why for this decision, that is entirely up to you, but it often helps in preventing litigation of a Will. Discuss these considerations with the attorney who is preparing your Will. Here is one hypothetical example: "Twenty years ago, my partner John and I decided to be financially independent from one another and so each of us is solely responsible for our own care and our own estate after our respective deaths. My estate is left solely to those named in this Will, and no others." Like I said, consult with an attorney - it will cost you for the advice, but it will bring you peace of mind.
I strongly suggest that you and your partner sit down with an Elder Care Attorney and make sure that all his papers are in order as to what he wants. You would not be responsible for paying for his medical costs nor caregiving expenses. If your partner is a Veteran the VA may cover quite a few of his expenses. Check with your local Veterans Assistance Commission and see if he qualifies for any benefits. It might be a little, it might be a lot. And the VA may pay you to care for him if you wish to take that on.
I am not an expert on this, but my memory is that Louisiana law on inheritance and matrimonial issues goes for ‘community property’ because it is based on the original French law the state was founded on (the Napoleonic Code). Hence Igloo’s comments. Most US states laws around this topic are based on English common law, hence Alva’s comments (and as is the case where I am in Australia). I seem to remember being hauled over the coals about this some time ago. Just in case my memory is correct, it would be worth checking what applies in your state.
Whatever the law, if both you and your partner as still alive and legally competent, you should be able to make the provisions you want, not just leave it up to the law talking in a vacuum.
Good advice, Margaret. Over time, I have made certain to have POA, health directives, beneficiaries, etc, done to my liking. But some of what you say requires investigation. Thanks!
It appears you live in Connecticut. In any case, I agree with others that you would be best served by talking with an attorney. While you are providing some info, there will likely be considerably more questions that an attorney will ask. IMO: It would be foolish to just guess or rely on people unfamiliar with CT family law.
Thank you, E in ny. I will be doing that, but I don't fully trust anyone, because it's been my experience, one professional with say one thing, and another something else. Good advice. Thanks!
Some states recognize common-law habitation while other states do not. Since you live in Connecticut, you will have to check to see if your state recognizes common-law habitation. If your state does not recognize common-law habitation, then you don’t owe your partner anything. It will be up to you if you want to pay for his out-of-home care out of the goodness of your heart, but you don’t have to do it if your state does not recognize this type of habitation.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If spouse served in the military, you could receive benefits based on his/her service. For instance, an annuitant for military benefits can receive up to 55% of a spouse's military pension when he passes. For social security retirement benefits, if married at least ten years and meeting other conditions, your SS benefit gets bumped up to his larger one when he passes. If they have a company pension, you may have rights to that or a portion of it when she passes.
Cohabiting has its perks, but anyone considering it should think about the downside. No one wants to be sitting alone at age 80 thinking, "Hmmm, if we'd only married, I'd have three times my present income and could be planning a trip to Hawaii with my handsome physical fitness instructor."
Most states do not recognize "common law" relationships. He will need to be named as an inheritor in your legally created Will or be named a beneficiary on your investments, been joint on your bank accounts, joint on your titled properties, etc.
Neither you nor he will not be financially responsible anything for of your debts except if you are joint on things, like a credit card or mortgage -- but it doesn't seem like this is your situation.
If something happens to him first and he requires facility care, you will need to know how that will impact your ability to continue to live in your shared residence, if it is a house or condo (or even an apartment if the lease is only in his name).
He needs to assign someone as his PoA now before a crisis hits and while he has "capacity", because having the money to pay for something is different than someone being able to access that money to pay for his needs, and only a legally recognized representative will be able to do this. If he doesn't assign a PoA, then if a situation occurs where he is incapacitated, *someone* will need to be his legal guardian (either you or the county) in or to make his decisions and manage his affairs.
FYI, I personally do not think it is wise to make your PoA someone who is the same (or close in) age as yourself since there is no guarantee the PoA won't have problems first. There should be a back-up named who is at least a generation younger (and hopefully local).
We did everything through a CELA (certified elder law attorney). Every state has unique laws and rules. Trusts can be a good solution but are more expensive and complicated to create (we have one). There is a lot to know and it is worth the price of a consultation. Sometimes the consultation is free if you continue to work with that attorney.
Here's the thing about lawyers and other professionals. They don't know what they don't know.
A lawyer who specializes in taxes will tell you that you can gift $17k per year without penalty. But that doesn't apply to Medicaid regs. An elder law or Trusts and Estates attorney would be the better person to ask that question of.
My DH was recently in the hospital with a very serious case of internal bleeding. This happened after urological surgery. No fewer that FOUR highly qualified MDs at one of NYC's teaching hospitals said "oh, and we'll start him on Drug X tomorrow". I have been warned about drug x over the years because people with artificial heart valve can't take it. The valve will cease to function.
So, 4 docs and not none of them knew the right answer, including the one whose 85 year old FIL is a cardiologist. HE at least had the good grace to come back the next day and say that he was wrong.
You are not married. Whether this is a male or female doesn't figure in it at all. You are free to choose to marry, become domestic partners, or have other legal arrangements and so far you have declined doing that.
As I understand it, you are not domestic partners.
So neither of you has any more rights to anything that a roommate, which is what you will be considered if you don't marry.
Now, you CAN share estates, make one another your POA, or anything else simply as FRIENDS. All it takes if seeing a good attorney and doing POA papers as well as wills.
Your relationship has lasted many years.
May I ask you why the two of you would not choose to protect one another should the other of you die?
I would see that elder lawyer though.
Thanks!
You would not be responsible for paying for his medical costs nor caregiving expenses.
If your partner is a Veteran the VA may cover quite a few of his expenses.
Check with your local Veterans Assistance Commission and see if he qualifies for any benefits. It might be a little, it might be a lot. And the VA may pay you to care for him if you wish to take that on.
Whatever the law, if both you and your partner as still alive and legally competent, you should be able to make the provisions you want, not just leave it up to the law talking in a vacuum.
https://www.bpslawyers.com/practices/family-law/common-law-marriage/
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