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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Of course it's the best thing for them and for you and your family, you wouldn't have done all of this preparation for your LOs if you didn't know that it is for the best.
They'll have eyes on them, meals provided, all the same amenities as home with the added benefits of socializing with people their own ages and the choice to go on organized outings and other activities.
Naturally, the loss of home and their independence is something that they and all of the family will grieve, but consider also that this may come as a huge relief to them. It takes at least 3-5 months for adjustment to these changes so don't be worried about some initial drop in cognition as they adjust to a whole new way of living; they will adapt, it just takes time.
You can celebrate the holiday with them, by visiting and sharing a meal, whether food brought from home, a delivered holiday meal with all the trimmings, or by bringing dessert to share with them after the main meal of the day.
Help them set up the apt. with their chosen items and make it feel familiar and homey for them. Their best-of Christmas or other Holiday observance decorations will help to make the place feel more like home for them and everyone else.
My folks were reaching the point where they needed help, Dad was caring for Mom in her increasing dependence and we had planned to place my house on the market and move to their locale to help them. We lost Dad to Covid and the script got flipped and now Mom is in a MC unit. Once I arranged for the sale of their home contents, sans bequests and a few chosen items, I saw the extent to which Dad had been downsizing their possessions and I know it was mainly an effort to simplify their daily life and also his effort to make my eventual job easier. Tools sold, closets cleared, excess items donated, etc.
I think that your parents will find a sense of relief once adjusted to the AL facility because life will so very much easier for them. You are doing the very best thing for them and allowing for the period required to adjust, I think you'll see their overall wellbeing lifted as they dig into this next phase of their life together.
ValleyTB, welcome to the forum. Yes, your decision that your parents move to Assisted Living is the right thing.
There comes a time where it now take a village to care for one's parent(s), Staff that is familiar with different issues and how to handle said issues. The facility probably has around the clock Nurse on site.
My own Dad moved into senior living and he was so relieved not to be dealing with maintaining his house, no more climbing ladders at 94. Dad, even though he wasn't a social butterfly, liked being around people of his own generation. The facility would have someone come in to play songs from that era which Dad really enjoyed. He also enjoyed the restaurant style menu meals and not having to wash the dishes afterwards :)
Are your parents on board with this? Or are they giving you a hard time? I hope they are on board, as that will make it easier. Also easier since they will be together. It'll be an adjustment, but they'll be OK. My mom just moved into AL (against her wishes) but has adjusted nicely and is participating in some activities, etc. Walking down to meals 3 times a day is almost enough to keep her busy!
Absolutely. Their needs will be addressed by professionals, they'll have lots more to do than sit around and looking glum, and you can back off and let them adjust. Happy holidays!
they may say they are being treated badly, the food is terrible, no one is nice to them,
and then over time, come to learn that there are lovely pleasant things happening where they are, and come to love where they are living.
Talk to staff about how to handle problems, make yourselves scarce for a few (or several) days to give them time to adjust, do NOT stick around if they act up, tell them you love them whether they listen or not.
For yourself repeat the mantra “……safety and comfort and structure and help…..” which is what they will receive as AL residents, and remember that decisions you have made WITH LOVE and CONCERN will always be on the right track.
They have each other. That is fabulous. Go see them a few times a week to make sure they are adjusting. There is no perfect AL. Some have decent care, some have decent food, and some have decent maintenance…you just can’t have it all. Keep that in the back of your mind. Have a presence there, especially in the beginning, to let the staff know you will be checking in on your parents. Set your expectations to be reasonable, and help your parents do the same.
Post-pandemic, many AL communities are understaffed. Keep that in mind.
According to your profile, your mother suffers from Alzheimers/dementia. If so, AL or Memory Care AL is often the best choice. My folks were both living in AL for a time, and they really loved it. After dad passed, mom continued living in AL until her dementia progressed, and then I moved her into their Memory Care building where she thrived for nearly 3 years.
If I had it to do all over again, I'd do it the exact same way, if that's any consolation to you. While AL/MC is not perfect, it offers elders on site care management, doctors, nurses, medication management, 3 hot meals a day, activities, crafts, socialization, outings on the mini bus............so many amenities, it's impossible to list them all. But above all else, it offers your folks a safe environment and that's the most important feature of all.
Yes it is for the better, if they are going to the right reasons. Long term, very much for the better. The ALS will take care of the incontinence, any other odd behavior, the cooking, the cleaning, and someone is available to ensure they have help when they need it.
Best of all, if you should get upset with them, you can walk out and know they are in capable hands. Then go back for a visit, when you are mentally ready.
However, this does NOT mean that you can completely step away. You are now a manager, instead of a doer, of their care. You have the responsibility to ensure they are treated well and properly cared for. You will become the "treat" that they look forward to.
Make sure you label everything they take. Take as much/little as you can to the new room to make it be like a home...pictures, chairs, furniture. Don't take anything valuable (e.g. money, jewelry) as it may go missing. We let my Mom have an old iPad so that my sister can Facetime her. I haven't seen the iPad in months, but I know that my sister occasionally will Facetime with my Mom.
It can take more than 2 months for them to get used to a new routine. Don't be afraid of their complaints. It is expected as this is a huge change for them. Visit them often as it really does help them feel like you are not abandoning them and it helps you to know what is normal and what is not. I investigated all the complaints and made changes when I thought they made sense. Most of the complaints were really because it was a change.
Be confident that you can mediate between them and the facility.
For me, one of the best decisions I made (and others will not agree), is that I did NOT turn over any medical responsibilities to the facility and I do NOT use their preferred pharmacy (they promoted it as weekly wellness checks and convenience, however, the fine print made me sign over PCP care to their facility. As for the pharmacy, every refill comes with a $35 delivery fee which is not covered by insurance.) I take my Mom to all appointments, I want to talk to the doctor about any changes in her health and medication, I take her somewhere else for flu shots and COVID vaccine shots, I arrange for her PT (they go to the facility as a home visit). I have to be consulted before she is transported out of the facility for medical reasons. Yes, more work for me. However, as a result, I know that I've saved her from over medication and several rides in the ambulance to the emergency room. For me, it is peace of mind that I'm doing my best for her.
So, moving your parents to an ALS near you, allows you to choose how involved you want to be. That is a big plus for them (because they will always have assistance near by) as well as you (because you know they will always be in capable hands).
You are doing the right thing.
P.S. Just because the facility has the reputation of being top notch, doesn't mean that every detail is top notch. Listen to your parent's stories and complaints. Take action if needed. Keep an open mind.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
They'll have eyes on them, meals provided, all the same amenities as home with the added benefits of socializing with people their own ages and the choice to go on organized outings and other activities.
Naturally, the loss of home and their independence is something that they and all of the family will grieve, but consider also that this may come as a huge relief to them. It takes at least 3-5 months for adjustment to these changes so don't be worried about some initial drop in cognition as they adjust to a whole new way of living; they will adapt, it just takes time.
You can celebrate the holiday with them, by visiting and sharing a meal, whether food brought from home, a delivered holiday meal with all the trimmings, or by bringing dessert to share with them after the main meal of the day.
Help them set up the apt. with their chosen items and make it feel familiar and homey for them. Their best-of Christmas or other Holiday observance decorations will help to make the place feel more like home for them and everyone else.
My folks were reaching the point where they needed help, Dad was caring for Mom in her increasing dependence and we had planned to place my house on the market and move to their locale to help them. We lost Dad to Covid and the script got flipped and now Mom is in a MC unit. Once I arranged for the sale of their home contents, sans bequests and a few chosen items, I saw the extent to which Dad had been downsizing their possessions and I know it was mainly an effort to simplify their daily life and also his effort to make my eventual job easier. Tools sold, closets cleared, excess items donated, etc.
I think that your parents will find a sense of relief once adjusted to the AL facility because life will so very much easier for them. You are doing the very best thing for them and allowing for the period required to adjust, I think you'll see their overall wellbeing lifted as they dig into this next phase of their life together.
Best -
There comes a time where it now take a village to care for one's parent(s), Staff that is familiar with different issues and how to handle said issues. The facility probably has around the clock Nurse on site.
My own Dad moved into senior living and he was so relieved not to be dealing with maintaining his house, no more climbing ladders at 94. Dad, even though he wasn't a social butterfly, liked being around people of his own generation. The facility would have someone come in to play songs from that era which Dad really enjoyed. He also enjoyed the restaurant style menu meals and not having to wash the dishes afterwards :)
they may cry or yell,
they may tell you you’re a terrible person,
they may say they are being treated badly, the food is terrible, no one is nice to them,
and then over time, come to learn that there are lovely pleasant things happening where they are, and come to love where they are living.
Talk to staff about how to handle problems, make yourselves scarce for a few (or several) days to give them time to adjust, do NOT stick around if they act up, tell them you love them whether they listen or not.
For yourself repeat the mantra “……safety and comfort and structure and help…..” which is what they will receive as AL residents, and remember that decisions you have made WITH LOVE and CONCERN will always be on the right track.
Be at peace.
Post-pandemic, many AL communities are understaffed. Keep that in mind.
If I had it to do all over again, I'd do it the exact same way, if that's any consolation to you. While AL/MC is not perfect, it offers elders on site care management, doctors, nurses, medication management, 3 hot meals a day, activities, crafts, socialization, outings on the mini bus............so many amenities, it's impossible to list them all. But above all else, it offers your folks a safe environment and that's the most important feature of all.
Wishing you the best of luck.
Best of all, if you should get upset with them, you can walk out and know they are in capable hands. Then go back for a visit, when you are mentally ready.
However, this does NOT mean that you can completely step away. You are now a manager, instead of a doer, of their care. You have the responsibility to ensure they are treated well and properly cared for. You will become the "treat" that they look forward to.
Make sure you label everything they take. Take as much/little as you can to the new room to make it be like a home...pictures, chairs, furniture. Don't take anything valuable (e.g. money, jewelry) as it may go missing. We let my Mom have an old iPad so that my sister can Facetime her. I haven't seen the iPad in months, but I know that my sister occasionally will Facetime with my Mom.
It can take more than 2 months for them to get used to a new routine. Don't be afraid of their complaints. It is expected as this is a huge change for them. Visit them often as it really does help them feel like you are not abandoning them and it helps you to know what is normal and what is not. I investigated all the complaints and made changes when I thought they made sense. Most of the complaints were really because it was a change.
Be confident that you can mediate between them and the facility.
For me, one of the best decisions I made (and others will not agree), is that I did NOT turn over any medical responsibilities to the facility and I do NOT use their preferred pharmacy (they promoted it as weekly wellness checks and convenience, however, the fine print made me sign over PCP care to their facility. As for the pharmacy, every refill comes with a $35 delivery fee which is not covered by insurance.) I take my Mom to all appointments, I want to talk to the doctor about any changes in her health and medication, I take her somewhere else for flu shots and COVID vaccine shots, I arrange for her PT (they go to the facility as a home visit). I have to be consulted before she is transported out of the facility for medical reasons. Yes, more work for me. However, as a result, I know that I've saved her from over medication and several rides in the ambulance to the emergency room. For me, it is peace of mind that I'm doing my best for her.
So, moving your parents to an ALS near you, allows you to choose how involved you want to be. That is a big plus for them (because they will always have assistance near by) as well as you (because you know they will always be in capable hands).
You are doing the right thing.
P.S. Just because the facility has the reputation of being top notch, doesn't mean that every detail is top notch. Listen to your parent's stories and complaints. Take action if needed. Keep an open mind.