I've been living with my mom for 10 years. At first, I barely needed to help with anything but recently she was hospitalized, took a turn for the worse. She's now at home, I signed her up for home hospice care through Medicare. I also found a caretaker who comes 5 days a week. I'm lucky with all this, really, and I now think my mom could live another 5 years, who knows? She's depressed, though, although tries to hide it from everyone but me. She constantly tells that she wants to die. Emotionally I am hating this "job." I basically try to avoid her because I just don't know how to handle this new situation. I find myself constantly angry, crabby, upset, and taking out my anger on my mom. Gosh, I don't know how you all do this... Anything to add? Or anyone up for some venting? Thank you!
If M has any gratitude for what you are doing, a very important way she can show it is by putting on a brave face for you, as well as for the other people who don’t need it so much. My own mother managed this, and her strength was a source of pride for her. If M needs to blurt it out to someone, find someone from your Church (or perhaps a counseling service) you she can tell all the negatives.
Whenever she starts to lament, walk out of the room. No explanation. Just walk out and go about your day. When my Mom (a former RN) starts to go into detail about her hygiene or BMs, I do just that. Walk out. It confuses her and she doesn't like it but the time saved adds up. Those are not fruitful conversations, mainly because they are one-sided. No thanks.
You may have the option of transitioning her to a hospice facility (or one with LTC that also provides hospice and accepts Medicaid).
I agree 100% with what funkygrandma59 replied to you.
And the fact that she's under hospice care in her home means that her doctors believe that she will be dead in 6 months or so, not 5 years. Now that doesn't mean that she won't live longer than the 6 months but hospice will keep you posted on what they think is the time line, but in the meantime, just enjoy whatever time you may left with her, as only the Good Lord knows the day and time that He will call her Home.