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I've been living with my mom for 10 years. At first, I barely needed to help with anything but recently she was hospitalized, took a turn for the worse. She's now at home,  I signed her up for home hospice care through Medicare. I also found a caretaker who comes 5 days a week. I'm lucky with all this, really, and I now think my mom could live another 5 years, who knows? She's depressed, though, although tries to hide it from everyone but me. She constantly tells that she wants to die. Emotionally I am hating this "job." I basically try to avoid her because I just don't know how to handle this new situation. I find myself constantly angry, crabby, upset, and taking out my anger on my mom. Gosh, I don't know how you all do this... Anything to add? Or anyone up for some venting? Thank you!

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If I were in your situation, I would feel the way you do. Please don't think that because your mom is receiving hospice care at home and other people aren't able to, you should feel ungrateful or feel guilty about your feelings. I agree with the folks who've suggested that if it's possible for you to move your mom to a long-term care facility, you do so.
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Reply to Rosered6
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You're not happy and she's not happy. Managing home care and getting mom to appointments and absorbing her depression and listening to her night and day will get old soon….like in about 5 minutes from now. Of course you hate it! There's nothing wrong with admitting that we aren't cut out for this job. (We never wanted it in the first place.)

She needs meds. You need meds. If you found a nice facility for her, hospice would still visit her there, you could dispense with your meds and she could stay on hers. She'd have other people around, not just you to be her whipping post. You could get rid of the caregivers at home, which means it's really a home again, not a pseudo-nursing home. You could visit mom in the facility as much as you like, and she'd probably smile when you walk in.

Start thinking about what you're trying to prove with home care and why. Then visit some care facilities where the aides are paid to be cheerful even when mom unleashes on them (and they know how to handle it). They are professional caregivers and many of them love their work. There's a big difference between that and an exhausted daughter who hates being a caregiver. You really need to consider what's best for mom, and home care isn't it.

Good luck, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.
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Reply to Fawnby
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I appreciate your invitation for me to vent. Seems like I am needing this website everyday. I have so nuch resentment. I am a healthy spouse needing a healthy relationship, which I lack now. It sounds so selfish, but a part of me is dying inside. I had a good supportive friend who is a nice man that my daughters strongly judged me for. This was like a lifeline to me. Now we agreed not to text each other until I am a widow. In the meantime, I try to be ok with this, but I really miss the texting support of him.
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Reply to donnabeams
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Fawnby May 7, 2026
Why on earth do you give your daughters power over your life and how you live it? If you want to text, text. Unless you are embarrassing them by setting up a king size bed in the village square and romping all over it with your male friend, they have no right to demand that you not be friends with persons of a different gender.

You’re an adult, so be one. Texting is not adultery. Why do they have access to your texts, anyway??

It’s okay to disobey your children. They’ll get used to it. Good grief.
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Every morning when your feet touch the floor, say a prayer and ask for the strength, endurance, patience and wisdom that you'll need for that day.
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IvyMonica Apr 29, 2026
Thank you!
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You say that your M “tries to hide her depression from everyone but me”. Tell her that she needs to hide if from you too. You are getting it all, for most of the time. If M can avoid upsetting other people, she can do it for you too. Tell her that you know that “she wants to die”, and you don’t need to hear it over and over again.

If M has any gratitude for what you are doing, a very important way she can show it is by putting on a brave face for you, as well as for the other people who don’t need it so much. My own mother managed this, and her strength was a source of pride for her. If M needs to blurt it out to someone, find someone from your Church (or perhaps a counseling service) you she can tell all the negatives.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Move her to a facility. You say she hides her depression from everyone else, so that shows she needs the socialization and to not be isolated at home. It will be good for both of you.
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Reply to MG8522
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It's time to get her doctor to give her something for her depression and look into placing your mom in a facility. You are miserable and she is miserable, so this is the time for a major change. You do not have to live in misery.
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Reply to JustAnon
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You can try to give your Mom an "ultimatum": that she take meds for her depression or she will have to live elsewhere. Caregiving happens on the caregiver's terms or else they get resentful and burned out.

Whenever she starts to lament, walk out of the room. No explanation. Just walk out and go about your day. When my Mom (a former RN) starts to go into detail about her hygiene or BMs, I do just that. Walk out. It confuses her and she doesn't like it but the time saved adds up. Those are not fruitful conversations, mainly because they are one-sided. No thanks.

You may have the option of transitioning her to a hospice facility (or one with LTC that also provides hospice and accepts Medicaid).

I agree 100% with what funkygrandma59 replied to you.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Well let me start by saying what a blessing it is that you have a caregiver coming in 5 days a week to not only help your mom but help you too. Plus now that your mom's under hospice care that means that she's receiving all needed equipment, supplies, and medications for free(covered 100% by Medicare anyway) and has a nurse coming once a week(to start) to check her out and aides to come bathe her at least twice week, again all covered by Medicare. And you can also request a hospice volunteer to come sit with your mom if you're feeling the need to get out for a bit. Most people aren't as fortunate as you with having all that extra care with their loved ones, so not sure what you're wanting us to say here, other than to say you need to keep things in perspective and be grateful for all that you do have with the care of your mom.
And the fact that she's under hospice care in her home means that her doctors believe that she will be dead in 6 months or so, not 5 years. Now that doesn't mean that she won't live longer than the 6 months but hospice will keep you posted on what they think is the time line, but in the meantime, just enjoy whatever time you may left with her, as only the Good Lord knows the day and time that He will call her Home.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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IvyMonica Apr 25, 2026
Thank you! Yes, I just need to put it into perspective because this is all so new to me.
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