My father threw me out of my home at 18 when I told him I was gay. He told me never to call or come back and I obeyed. My mother kept in constant communication through mail and phone calls for 35 years. She then became progressively worse with Alzheimer's and Dementia. One day she broke her hip and my father called to tell me but wouldn't give me the hospital so I had to call the police to try to find her. I did and through none of my fathers help. I moved to Chicago and got settled in and recently my sister in law sent me a link to my fathers obituary Jan 4 2020. He was my mother's legal guardian and now that he's passed I need to find my mother to bring her to Chicago and take care of her. So how can I go about in doing this? She lived in Scottsdale AZ
I have two children and if I found out they were gat I would respond like your mom. I would not abandon you. I might abandon my husband though!
No one in your family can tell you where your mom is? Do you have any relatives or old neighbors that could help?
I would try Long term Care facilities and Assisted Livings in the area she lived. Do not ask if she is there. Its a privacy thing and they won't tell you. Ask for her room number because you want to send a card or visit. You will either get the info or be told there is no one there by that name.
Before you make any decisions about bringing her to live with you, you better see how she is first. Its is not easy to care for someone with a Dementia. Its very unpredictable and even in the early stages, the person should not be alone. I don't want to be cruel here, but Mom may not even know who you are. If she has been in an AL or LTC for a while, then that's her home and what she is familiar with. Taking her out of that environment may do harm not good. Her brain is dying little by little, Her reasoning, the ability to process and short term memory were probably the first things to go. As the desease progresses, their reality becomes screwed up. TV and dreams become part of that reality. They are no longer who they were. Some become violent. Dementia is not what they portray on TV and ads where the person is sitting staring out in space. Its so much more involved in caring for them. Bathing, dressing, toileting (they become incontenent) and needy. And then you get her to your house and they want to go home.
Your mother must now have a replacement guardian. Do not rush in and think you can just take over, it will be MUCH more complicated than that. But I do wish you all the best of luck in re-establishing contact, and I hope it's not too late to be a blessing to your mother as well as to you.
Spot on!!
Some one has to be managing or paying for her care!
However, without POA or HIPPA release it may be more difficult!
First off, I am so sorry that you have to go thru this! God bless you!
Surely your father had records of payments to your Mother's facility.
Bank records, tax returns or credit card statements?
Your father's home may hold the clues you need. Having said that, there are investigations sites online that you can pay for. Do research before paying for any of them!! You may be able to find your Mom's last known address.
If you have the means, hire a private investigator.
God bless!!