Is believing someone has stolen something a sign of memory issues?

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Is believing someone has stolen something a sign of memory issues?

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How have people handled their LO's believing someone has taken something?
What was your experience? Did the problem get better? Go away? Was there something really missing or misplaced.
I feel very sad that my LO believes this, because I just to hug them and say no has taken anything and say we'll find it, because I see how much stress it causes, thinking something has been stolen, but this seem to upset them more.
Is it common issue in old age?
Does anyone know what's at play when something like this happens? I don't mean scientifically, just psychologically. Why does it happen?
What if it was happening long before reaching old age?
I've decided I don't want to get old, can I stop it? This last comment is just humoring myself, but I'm not looking forward to stuff happening to me as I age.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Memory Loss Paranoia Signs of Dementia

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This may sound terribly mean - but I've tried different responses. Believe it or not I act annoyed and say no one is stealing anything. Which cleaning person do you think stole your nail file? You just forget where you put it and that's ok. I'll find it.

Now after my responding this way over and over, she doesn't ask me anymore. She just tells me that she can't find something. And I say, I'll find it.

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@Venting. there's no reply button on your messages.

I think that's a wonderful reply (your latest reply) and suggestions. Thank you!

ps. Anyone heard from @bundleofjoy, tried PM days ago. bundle, was really active on the jokes discussion and other posts.

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(((Hug)))

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Becoming 'paranoid' about thieving is a sad common feature of dementias; try to reassure her by saying something like, "We'll look into it and make your things safe" or something similar. Don't try to deny what she believes to be true/possible. Part of this is the anxiety that comes with losing one's cognitive abilities; it is fear and the scary loss of control of one's life. As for your/our cognition: do everything recommended to retain brain health, including nutrition, exercise, no smoking, brain stimulating activities, etc. All the best for all of you.

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Hello Santalynn, You're word are compassionate and good advice on brain health. I think you're right about providing comfort more than denying it, it just aggravates them more, stresses them more.

Has any one done any research on how long you have to eat certain foods that are good for health? There's the age old one about eating carrots being good for eyes and vision, is it true? how long before someone says I got 20/20 vision again. Same for garlic & ginger being good for circulation how much do you have to each before noticing health benefits.

I mean how long before people see benefits. Are vitamins a scam for instance? because the first bottle will not change anything, it's only through maybe 20 bottles later and plenty of $$$$, if they're good people start noticing a difference.

Thank you.

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Short answer - yes! When somebody can't remember where they put items and then accuse others of theft - it is a memory problem. Please have your loved one checked my medical doctor for cognitive decline. The medical doctor may make a referral to a neurologist for more accurate testing/evaluation and treatment. In early stages of cognitive decline, medications can be helpful.

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Thank you Taarna. This is a good suggestion,

How do you approach this kind of situation, when the person is fully aware that you are taking them to a see someone, because that can cause trouble too. For example, they say things like "what give you the right to say this about me?" or simple "No not going, there's nothing wrong" the person trying to do something about it it can also end up being disliked.

For instance if some said that about me, my instant reaction would be, how dare you think something like this, go take a running jump off a cliff. I pretty much have the same reaction.

Thank you for your reply.

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When my mother was about 2 years into her dementia journey, she insisted the "thieving caregivers" at her AL had stolen the sterling heart necklace I'd given her with dad's CREMAINS inside. She told all the gossiping old ladies at dinner the horrid story of the theft, and suddenly, they too had "stolen" items missing from their apartments!!!! They all marched themselves into Jeremy's office, the poor Executive Director, and told their story of being ROBBED by the staff, with my mother speaking for one and all. Jeremy told them there was nothing he could do personally about heresay w/o evidence, but they should call the sheriff for an investigation.

The old ladies all left in a huff and mom thought the matter was finished. It wasn't. One of the other ladies DID call the sheriff, who came to the AL and knocked on my mother's door with the ED in tow. She had a meltdown and sputtered that nothing was missing from her apartment and proceeded to slam the door and call ME.

I told her nothing was stolen, who'd want ASHES of a dead man in a necklace for petesake? I told her she'd misplaced it, which she vehemently denied., accusing me of "always being against her" which was one of her favorite lines. So why, then, mother, did you SLAM THE DOOR in the sheriff's face if you were robbed? Snicker.

The next day I showed up at her apartment. I pulled out her giant jewelry box from the closet, opened the lid, and guess what was staring me in the face? The "stolen" silver heart necklace with dad's cremains in it. Right where she PUT it. Sigh.

One of many stories about many "thefts" over the years of dealing with dementia.

Btw, my mother was a sun worshipper (who was lucky not to have gotten melanoma) who ate healthy foods her whole life, walked a ton, maintained a healthy weight, never smoked, and still died of advanced dementia.

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Hi Lea, It felt like I was living it while it was happening.

Your gift to your mom was a lovely one, keeping your dad close to your mom's heart.

This particular situation seemed to escalate, and more people got involved. I know caregivers or family members hearing the repeated "someone's stolen something" can become draining.

Thank you for sharing your experience.

It just goes to show that a good diet is not always the key to prevention or sunshine (vitamin D) exposure. It would be interesting if someone knew if dementia and Alzheimer's cases have increased since the advent of cell phones and cell towers around 1983. My guess is there's the increase it proportional to the increase in mobile radiation, that's tower & the phone.

Even if elderly are not using cell phone's much, it doesn't prevent health concerns of cell tower radiation.

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My mom thinks people break in her room at her memory care, and steal everything, including her Depends and toilet paper! I order her specialty cookies a couple times a month, and she swears the employees and other residents steal them. One of the employees told me today that mom is so sweet, and that she gives the cookies away to the people who work there. I’ve learned not to argue with her, which is one of the hardest things I’ve learned to do. If I do, it makes things worse, and upsets us both. I’ve learned that in her mind, she truly believes her thoughts are real, and in mine, I think she wants me to believe her place is so terrible, that I should take her home with me. Even though she has dementia, she can be very manipulative. I’m trying not to worry about the aging process, but be thankful that I’m able to have the privilege of watching over my mom, even though she drives me nuts sometimes. I’m sure I drove her nuts sometimes as I was growing up. Her 91st birthday is tomorrow, and I’m thankful she’s still with us & very healthy. Don’t be afraid of the aging process- embrace every minute of it, and have fun. Wish I’d told myself that years ago! Good luck, and God Bless

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Thank you, PFP.

I really like your user name on the forum; it sums up everything about being a caregiver perfectly. I admire your new found control over not getting into arguments. I can imagine that at first it was a battle of wills, but I think you're right to have changed how you handle things now. We need this for our own sanity.

It's good you can be with your mom and enjoying moments. I wish you plenty more.

I'll definitely embrace aging process, it's aches and pains, and other "stuff" I probably won't be embracing :) I know what you mean though, you mean "live now", enjoy it all, as the years pass on.

I suppose, not wanting the aches, pains, and other stuff I've been reading on this forum about toilet control, mobility, and disability issues, I guess millions around the world that are over a certain age are thinking about the same thing. All people are different, but I think one thing people fear a lot is seeing it out alone.

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The problem of your LO blaming someone for stealing will NEVER go away in old age; it will only get worse. You mentioned that your loved one was blaming others for stealing even before old age. I have experienced this kind of behavior when a person suffers from NPD, and in old age NPD only gets worse with the combination of dementia.

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This is very common even with elderly people who don’t have dementia but especially with those that do. My grandfather used to accuse us grandkids of stealing all the time. My aunt used to borrow my other aunt’s books and then when my aunt took them back accused her of stealing them.

Like other people have said, they lose things or hide things and automatically assume someone stole them. My sister gives mom her pills every week and when mom can’t find them she accuses her of stealing them. Why would you steal pills when you are the one distributing them? If she wanted to steal them she could do it without giving them to mom in the first place. It doesn’t even make any sense.

Also, giving or throwing away stuff and then saying it has been stolen also is common. One time mom got on this kick of cleaning up and she threw away all of her photo albums. She didn’t just throw them away but also tore up and destroyed a lot of them. It was very sad when we went to visit and found them all destroyed in the trash. We fished out what we could and kept them for ourselves. We never told her we found them or that we have what was left. She always talks about how someone took them all. We don’t even bother to correct her other than to ask who could have come to take the photos and why anyone would bother to take those.

It’s crazy stuff sometimes: bandaids, phone charger, pens, scissors, prescription glasses, remote control, Oreo cookies, whatever. Her default is “Someone got it.” We know no one did because there is a cam at the house and no one came. Sometimes we find it, sometimes we don’t. She lost $150 cash which she NEEDED to have and claims we never gave it to her. It has never turned up. She probably threw it away or hid it. We don’t give her cash anymore.

When she was away for a while we cleaned up her place and found a stash of vitamins and pills in her dresser BEHIND the drawers. These are pills she had been looking for a long time and claims someone stole.

She bought tires for my sister’s car, which was very nice of her but when she saw her bank statement she flipped out. She said she never did that. She did. I was there. I heard her say she was going to several times. I don’t accept any gifts from her and I advise my siblings not to either but some of them still don’t listen. They will eventually be accused of stealing from her. She thinks we have all stolen money from her. She even told the police that.

It is tiresome and hurtful. We are limiting contact with her because no one wants to be accused all of the time. It doesn’t get better. I would like to think we can try to be more aware of it as we get older and at least less prone to hurtful accusations but who knows?

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I relate to your photo situation. I've not found our 1 year baby portraits anywhere. Mom says she didn't do anything with them, that she would never do that. Well, I know she was disposing of anything not nailed down while still in her house, including shredding her life insurance policies, the car title, the house deed, all her tax documents... At this point I'm assuming they are gone, and I mourn that.

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"Lack of oxygen to the brain." Response I received from my mother's Cardiologist.

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Hi CCT, Thank you for your reply.

I think this is very true. When people have heart value issues with a decrease in oxygenated blood flow, I can see how this would affect the brain and other areas of the body, of course.

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Yes, especially for cleaning staff or “some” caregivers. As most people on this forum we’ve had lots of different caregivers. Anyways, my mom said the cleaning people stole her makeup. She bought 3 of the same thing, so she’d have it. Then 2 disappeared, and she told the head of the cleaning crew, things seemed to go missing. Then the last one disappeared. I had my doubts about this, it wasn’t expensive.
Then, she said her hair clips went missing. I found them in the bathroom, and showed them to her. I said, “here they are”. She said that’s not the kind I like. That kind of sums up this type of ongoing behavior pattern.

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It’s really too bad the mind loses its mind.

Let’s all make use of our good body/mind health now.

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Has anyone seen the YT videos saying that vitamin D can help with shrinking of the brain areas? that causes Alzheimer's. I guess it's not conclusive or maybe just a better diet all together. I didn't want to post a separate question about this.

I guess it would be interesting to see what the stats are for people that live in sunny countries and get a lot of sun and hence Vitamin D

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It can be hard to differentiate when they’re right/wrong. Even a delusional/paranoid person will sometimes be RIGHT: sometimes there really is theft!

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A valid point Venting.. Thank you.

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Paranoia Demntia maybe Parkinson's

You do not automatically get any of these just because you get older.

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Thank you RVA. This is good news, I'm also not looking for any kind of problem as oldness progresses, but I know that's just wishful thinking. I think everyone wishes to pass away, come to their end in a pain free way, some are lucky, some not, and some go to Switzerland.

I believe AI will find cures for the cognitive illnesses and probably much more, as it will be billions of time smarter than the smartest drug maker people, at Merck, Pfizer, and so on.

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I think they hide things because they think something they care about might be stolen, then they forget where they put it and decide that someone else took it. I think this happens as they begin to realize that they are slipping, but they do not want to believe that they are slipping so when it becomes lost, they have to blame someone else. I also think that this "losing things" happens as they are experiencing other signs of dementia/Alzheimers/old age (whatever you choose to call it). Nothing happens in a vacuum. If you see signs that someone's personality is changing, even subtle signs, get them to a doctor. Waiting does not make things better and getting a diagnosis can help slow or stop the problem depending on what it is.

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A close friend exhibited signs of paranoia a long time before she was in care. Since then, she insists that the young women staff steal her shampoo and conditioner because they know she has "nice things". It's maddening and there's no arguing with her because she's absolutely SURE. So I just try to ignore it and don't respond when she raves on about it.

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Thank you Marylu I like your answer.

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My mom thinks her hallucinations stole her shoe and holding it for ransom. She has dementia and not getting any better. She hides her purse, and forgets where she put it.

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Thank you collegemom. This is difficult and I'm sorry you've had to see these things deteriorate with your mom, it's hard to see.

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It happen to us. My mom had change in a purse and the purse fell. And she thought my boyfriend stole it. She told some of the family that was helping make sure she took her meds and now they don’t talk to me or let me see the kids. It’s hard when they have dementia and thinks things happen when they don’t. She is in a nursing home now. But it does cause family problems. Hopefully in time it will change. I just pray and I have forgiven them for blocking me out of there life but you just go on with your life and keep pushing forward.

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Hello Rose, A bit odd your family didn't have the sense to know your mom had dementia? They should have been more understanding. If they were other siblings..I can relate.

It was hard for you Rose, and I'm sorry. Your dignity is still intact, none of it was your fault, plus as hard as things must have been, I'm glad you got on with things, things meaning your life. Yeah, what an awful condition dementia is, not only can it create problems for an individual, it causes tensions with other people, especially family. If some family member are like mine, that have had historical issues, they were just looking for new reasons to pick on others that are doing the right thing.

I hope your mom is in nice comfortable surroundings and you are able to visit her.

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This could very well be a sign of dementia. You need to tell her doctor and see if he has any recommendations for testing or medications. Not all people age this way. Don't assume its her age.

My mom threw away so much and would blame me and my sister for displacing the lost items. I am afraid this does not get better.

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Hi Infamily.. Thank you I'll take up your suggestion. Do you believe making an inventory with photos helps? I'm guessing not because the person doesn't believe the photos either.

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It happens, and unfortunately, it can end up creating a very bad family situation. My sister was accused of stealing from my aunt, and as it turns out, my aunt had given away several things in her earlier years but, of course, didn't remember that. She said such horrible things to my sister and won't apologize (because she still believes these things were stolen). Now there is no way to mend the relationship. It's a shame because there are only 5 of us in the family, to begin with. The rest of us fear helping as we should because we could just as easily be accused of stealing.

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Thank you dixiegal.. for sharing.. I hear you. An awful condition that creates relationship issues. Sorry your situation ended up the way it did. You just want to hug them and say nothing happened.

I'm not saying this is the case for you, just in my situation:

My siblings didn't do much to help my mom including the daughters, for over 20 year after my dad passed away; only one sister has a stable marriage for over 40 years, the other have had no excuse, but the potential of being accused of stealing, has just give them a new excuse to not want to help.

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Could be s/ s of multiple things.
Best to have her assessed by Geriatric Specialist. Be sure to tell GS your observations and experiences with her.

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Thank you janicemeyer18.

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My Dad constantly Lost items such as his phone, Bicycle, Laptop, ring , etc. One phone showed up In the freezer , His ring was found a Year later under the Bathroom sink , The Laptop between a stack Of magazines . Yes it is common .

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Thank you KNance72. It's going really sad for me, if I ever discover something that doesn't belong in the place it was found, like a phone in a freezer.

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I often think somebody has stolen something if it's gone missing. It's my automatic default response. At least I know that about myself and can compensate

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That’s not a very typical reaction. Do you live in a high crime area?

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It happened with a friend who thinks everyone takes all sorts of things. She’s lost most of her friends over this. Her daughter and sister don’t communicate with her because she’s accused them repeatedly over the last six or seven years. (There is no way that her accusations are true.)

She’s in mid-seventies. Everyone thinks it’s dementia but can’t do anything until there’s a crisis.

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Thank you Fawnby. It could be traumatic childhood experience? what do you think? and not dementia, especially when it's been sporadically happening since the person's younger years.

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We see many people posting on this topic, lost objects and presuming that someone took the objects. It’s sad.

I don’t think anyone can convince someone of something that they don’t want to believe when dementia is involved. So, what can you do other than reassure them as much as you can. Or try to redirect the conversation to something else.

Hey, if you figure out how not to age and not be troubled by getting older, let us in on it! 😊

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Hi Need, plenty of sadness to go around in this world. I like your answer, thank you. Good suggestions.

I'm working on it Need... :)

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Yes, they lose things and then think someone has stolen them, and strangely they seem to target the same person over and over again.

Although my mother does not have dementia at age 98, she has been doing this for a long time. She has normal forgetfulness for a person her age.

Now my stepmother, she loses everything but doesn't care, she is mid-stage FTD, someone actually stole her late husband's electric cart and she didn't give it a second thought!

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Yes, very common behavior that is part of dementia/cognitive impairment.

"What if it was happening long before reaching old age?" Then this is a separate problem, like a personality disorder or mental illness.

"I've decided I don't want to get old, can I stop it? This last comment is just humoring myself, but I'm not looking forward to stuff happening to me as I age."

My 104-yr old Aunt has all her mind. It doesn't happen to everyone. Her sister had dementia for 12+ years and lived to be almost 101. Don't worry about whether you will inherit it, either. For certain dementias, even if your family carries the gene it still has to be passed on to you.

Don't worry about stuff that hasn't happened. Knowlege and then reasonable preparation is as much as one can do.

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Thank you Geaton777. I enjoyed reading your knowledgeable reply. 104?? incredible, lovely. I'm sure lot of wisdom to learn from your Aunty too.

Everyone's looking for that formula, they what did they eat? what did they do differently? I'm sure most of that is a happy coincidence, although I do believe good quality food can do wonders and good quality water, not this plastic bottle stuff.. In Italy they drink therma water from underground, many Italian live long and healthy lives.

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Happens all the time. If nothing was actually stolen, just ignore it.

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Thank you BurntCaregiver.

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Yes it is common and will happen for years ......

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Thank you Knance72

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Very common

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Thank you XenaJada.

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Is believing someone has stolen something a sign of memory issues?

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