Hi! We have my 82 year old mother living with us -- small apartment off to the side but attached and opens directly into our home. We are beginning to see more consistent signs of anger, depression, loneliness, etc. We think it has to do with the fact that she is homebound -- rarely gets out, etc. She refuses to keep normal schedules for sleep or eating...she does have a home health aid who comes three times a week and that is great but we know she needs more. Just looking for some references or guidance on what we could do to brighten her days or convince her that she needs a more consistent scheduled? She's nasty lately and upsetting the house. Starting here ....thanks in advance!
However, as we age, it’s very difficult to accept that “this is all there is”. Media shows us the perfect Senior couples who are handsome/beautiful, perfectly coiffed, stylishly dressed, lunching with friends, traveling, golfing, enjoying a glass of wine while each sitting in a separate bathtub and holding hands at sunset ( Viagara or Cialis ad). Then we look at the mirror and as in my mom’s case, we think we don’t recognize ourselves any longer. We may have had to leave our home and rely on the hospitality of one of our kids. Our mind and limbs don’t work at all like they used to. Life, to put it crudely, sucks. We tend to take it out on those around us and while we don’t intend to be, we are perceived as being nasty old people. That’s for sure not what we wanted to end up like when we were in our thirties.
If you and Mom are so disposed, what about a kitty? Much less work than a dog and pretty good listeners as well. I have four and when I have conversations with them, they all confer with each other as to what the best way is to handle Mom’s latest crisis du jour.
. I’ve seen this from both sides and I hope you can find some way to make Mom feel better.
My Mom was so horribly depressed, it was actually scary. She's been to a Dr. And had a work up. She was found to have a UTI along with a plethora of other issues. But the one most easily fixed was situational depression. 10 mg of Lexapro, and she bounced right back!
I'm wondering if Mom might have an interest in a small garden out back? She directs, you plant? Or a pet? Maybe a fish tank with some exotic fish. Decorating them is fun and the lights on them are beautiful as well as soothing. Try to put some other forms of life around her. A pair of love birds perhaps?
She can pick flower seeds and together, you guys can plant them in pretty decorative pots she chooses. If possible roll her outside for some sunshine and bird watching.
This is kind of jumbled up, but I'm sure you get the gist. Best of luck, hope she's feeling better soon! Please let us know.
Should I just call the doctor - make an appointment and just bring her??
So she's been a "social butterfly" but changed after your father died. She won't go to the senior center, so try to bring some aspects of the senior center to her.
Find out if she can get Meals on Wheels; even if you cook for her, it creates limited interaction and they come to her. My experience is that they're very kind, caring, sensitive and helpful people. When my father would return from a rehab stint, he was always anxious for them to come. It was a easy, comfortable relationship - they came, brought in the meal and he chatted with them for a bit.
And he didn't have to go through the ordeal of getting the walker or rollator and lugging the oxygen concentrator (well, actually that was my ordeal, but it was a lot more than just greeting someone at home).
His Senior Center had visitors who came out as well; so does the VA (if her husband was a Vet and qualified for care).
Even though she has a dog, she might benefit from more visiting dogs, especially therapy dogs. See if you can find an organization that could provide that.
Ask her opinion on flowers that are in her line of sight. Bring her into decisions and make sure she understands that you want her opinion, as an active member of her family. Ask her what she'd like for dinner, but don't just ask "what would you like?" Give her two choices, one better than the other, so she does get to make a decision. Help build up her confidence in herself, which may have been lost as she's become more reclusive.
If she's religious, find a church of her denomination and see if they have friendly visitor programs (but no proselytizing, just friendly visits).
Do you and your family have guests? Include her in the conversations. Does she have any interest in art? Even if not, try some painting yourself and ask her opinion.
If she starts making decisions, she takes a big step from being isolated and not having to decide anything.
It's going to take a lot of effort to turn her friendly ship around and get her involved, but start slowly and make changes if something doesn't work.