Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
My mother (dementia) yells “Help! Help!” even though she is still very articulate. Here’s my theory: I think her brain has lost its filter so its always expecting whatever she wants, the instant she expects it. Asking for something specific may not get her the response she wants, so she subconsciously reverts to works that attract the greatest attention.
I suspect we’re all of the age to recall an incident where a woman was being sexually assaulted and people ignored her cries for help. So it was suggested that we scream “Fire!” As strangers are more likely to react. Imagine us in a NH! “Fire! Fire! Fire!”
When I ask my mother why she is calling for help, the answers are typically that she’s going to be late for school (as a student or teacher) or she wants help getting ready to go visit her parents, or to travel, fearful that she’ll miss the train. She never seems to call for help for a real life need, such as hunger, thirst or pain.
This was common in my mother’s nursing home. There were a few residents who called this out as sort of a mantra, my family and I checked on them sometimes and eventually learned that they’d been cared for and had no immediate needs. The calling out was some kind of repetitive pattern they just became stuck on. It made me feel bad for the staff as well as the person doing it
Excess longevity is absolutely a very mixed bag unless you are in exceptionally good health and have ample resources. I'm an old person at risk of being warehoused in a "care" facility at some point in time. I will NOT destroy our adult children's lives by expecting them to be hands-on caregivers. Still, who wouldn't dread that day if it arrives? I sincerely desire to make my Final Exit before becoming totally disabled/dependent, to say nothing of spending down nearly every last dollar. I have NO wish to exist in a line of wheelchairs not knowing where or who I am anymore and unable to care for my personal needs. Arrgh!
this might be described as a loop. There is a word or phrase that someone says constantly. It may be a sound or word or phrase that is calming to the person saying it or making the noise. (drives everyone else batty though) My Husband made noises. Moaning noises. Sometimes quietly, sometimes LOUD, most of the time it was "conversation level" noise. (and it drove me batty..until one day I said to myself...when he is gone you are going to miss that noise. And I do) Anti anxiety medications might help, anti depressants might help but there are some conditions that many medications that might help can not be given because of the diagnosis. And honestly if you are not a family member, POA or even a caregiver that might have some input, if you are not an employee of the facility there is not much you can do. What you can do is don't just walk by this person. Slow down, say good morning or good after noon, say good bye when you leave.
I spent 5+ years caring and advocating for my mom in a nursing home. There were some residents who would call for help repeatedly, but typically stopped when someone paid attention to them, which could be 20 minutes or more later. :-\ One man (a retired medical doctor) typically did this in the evening and for hours at night, but often even with a private male aide with him. I viewed it as a form of fear and frustration; he didn't feel safe. A couple of women did it during the day.
So, is it normal? In today's conventional nursing homes? Yes. Nursing homes are populated mostly by vulnerable dependent elders who (contrary to what is required under the law - 42 CFR § 483.24) are generally neglected psychologically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.
Call me crazy, but truly after what I witnessed in my mother's NH over 5+ years, I'd rather depart this existence than be trapped in one of these types of "facilities."
Sadly you're correct. It's not easy for the aids either, since some can (and have) reached their breaking point pretty easily. They can take out this frustration on the residents, whose faults sometimes aren't their own.
This facility it seems the more "trying" patients are on the second floor so there is more fussing, arguing and noise.
I can't blame you at all for not wanting to be a resident in one of these facilities; it can be a depressing predicament.
KNance72 That's quite a story. I hope you fully recovered from your burns.
NHWM Yes it can be jarring. Interesting the lady was by the front receptionist; that area can get busy, plus would the receptionist want to hear that much hollering?
The lady here, yells Help usually when she wants to go to bed. She sometimes says "Come here" or "You're sitting there". 🙂. Oh well.
I heard the “Help” calls from residents in my mom’s rehab nursing home. It can be jarring to hear.
I think she was an Alzheimer’s patient. No matter how much the staff tried to calm her, she continued to cry for help.
One woman who was in the permanent residence of the nursing home was always in her wheelchair by the front receptionist. She continually hollered throughout the evening.
it could be when the medication wears Off - a Lot of people are on anxiety medication . I will tell you a story I was in the burn unit and every Morning around 4 am everyones medication was wearing Off . One guy would always scream in a Russian accent " Waitress ice chips , ice chips . " They would wheel a young girl By who was in a coma ? I Got Liquid silver Nitrate Poured on my legs so I was wet and cold at 4 am . I Figured out all the disturbance at 4 am was because The medicine was wearing off at that time .
There is one sweet little lady at my FIL's NH that we call the "Help Me, Help Me" Lady simply because we don't know her name. She vacillates between sitting at the nurse's station in her wheelchair, holding her baby doll (and periodically trying to breastfeed her), to chatting quite lucidly with the nurses, to sitting in the community room watching tv and yelling "Help me, help me!" at the top of her lungs. The nurses will simply, without even looking up from their computers or conversations with other residents or family members call out "You're fine honey." And she will stop for a few minutes before she will start again.
I think for her sometimes it's just about knowing she isn't alone or hearing other voices. Sometimes it is about validating that she is somewhere that there are other people and as soon as she hears another voice it resets.
In other rehab/NH setting where FIL has been in the past - it has been similar - a resident will yell out from their room and a staff member will call out reassurances that they are ok and the resident will calm down.
If it goes on for too long I have always noted that they will go into the room and check on them to be safe. But I think they also develop a sense about the difference - much like a parent does about the different cries of their children.
So why doesn't a nursing home figure out a way to address this more permanently? Have they tried playing her music? Have they tried sitting her in a living room type of setting with others? In the meantime, all the other residents have to hear her cries and feel irritation, if not fear -- truly, these places are more like prisons than care "facilities". I find it disgusting.
It seemed to me that she began doing this during the period of time when the COVID infection had cost her her ability to converse much more lucidly, possibly because the infection had done so much damage to her lungs.
When I was able to be with her between waves of infections, I could calm her and distract her sometimes, but during her last year, in a SNF, it disappeared.
Yes. In one NH where i visited a relative, another resident would holler “help me!” or yell “mama!”. It’s sad but I’m sure it’s maddening for residents and staff.
Yes, my very elderly Aunt with mod/advanced dementia did it. It seemed to be a phase for her, she eventually stopped doing it. She was already on meds for mood and anxiety at the time.
A family friend who had dementia and was in a wheelchair would cry "Help! Help!" over and over all day. She was at home with plenty of kind and caring help, but that didn't seem to matter.
Yes, frequently happens in my experience as well. My FIL did it, he would call out for help and yell that he was dying.
When my son had his LAR surgery there was a man on his hospital floor that yelled "help" for hours. He didn't stop until his wife arrived and he started up right away again after she left. The nurses said that his wife told them he does it at home whenever he can't see her.
When I worked on different floors in a hospital, there was at least 1 patient per week. They were usually calmer sitting in front of the nurses desk where staff could talk with them until citing agencies would not allow for privacy issues. So it was back in their rooms with help,me, help me.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I suspect we’re all of the age to recall an incident where a woman was being sexually assaulted and people ignored her cries for help. So it was suggested that we scream “Fire!” As strangers are more likely to react. Imagine us in a NH! “Fire! Fire! Fire!”
When I ask my mother why she is calling for help, the answers are typically that she’s going to be late for school (as a student or teacher) or she wants help getting ready to go visit her parents, or to travel, fearful that she’ll miss the train. She never seems to call for help for a real life need, such as hunger, thirst or pain.
"Help Help" lady usually cries out when she wants to get to bed at 7pm.
Sadly a male resident who seemed to be there mentally has started to yell "Help Me" now as well.
So sad.
She might be one of the sanest people in the facility. Yelling help, because she really want to leave the facility.
There is a word or phrase that someone says constantly.
It may be a sound or word or phrase that is calming to the person saying it or making the noise. (drives everyone else batty though)
My Husband made noises. Moaning noises. Sometimes quietly, sometimes LOUD, most of the time it was "conversation level" noise. (and it drove me batty..until one day I said to myself...when he is gone you are going to miss that noise. And I do)
Anti anxiety medications might help, anti depressants might help but there are some conditions that many medications that might help can not be given because of the diagnosis.
And honestly if you are not a family member, POA or even a caregiver that might have some input, if you are not an employee of the facility there is not much you can do. What you can do is don't just walk by this person. Slow down, say good morning or good after noon, say good bye when you leave.
So, is it normal? In today's conventional nursing homes? Yes. Nursing homes are populated mostly by vulnerable dependent elders who (contrary to what is required under the law - 42 CFR § 483.24) are generally neglected psychologically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.
Call me crazy, but truly after what I witnessed in my mother's NH over 5+ years, I'd rather depart this existence than be trapped in one of these types of "facilities."
This facility it seems the more "trying" patients are on the second floor so there is more fussing, arguing and noise.
I can't blame you at all for not wanting to be a resident in one of these facilities; it can be a depressing predicament.
That's quite a story. I hope you fully recovered from your burns.
NHWM
Yes it can be jarring. Interesting the lady was by the front receptionist; that area can get busy, plus would the receptionist want to hear that much hollering?
The lady here, yells Help usually when she wants to go to bed. She sometimes says "Come here" or "You're sitting there". 🙂. Oh well.
It’s very possible all of us on the forum, if we’re one day in a facility (quite elderly + some dementia) will be constantly yelling for help, too.
I think she was an Alzheimer’s patient. No matter how much the staff tried to calm her, she continued to cry for help.
One woman who was in the permanent residence of the nursing home was always in her wheelchair by the front receptionist. She continually hollered throughout the evening.
When it all comes down to it it really is sad.
I think for her sometimes it's just about knowing she isn't alone or hearing other voices. Sometimes it is about validating that she is somewhere that there are other people and as soon as she hears another voice it resets.
In other rehab/NH setting where FIL has been in the past - it has been similar - a resident will yell out from their room and a staff member will call out reassurances that they are ok and the resident will calm down.
If it goes on for too long I have always noted that they will go into the room and check on them to be safe. But I think they also develop a sense about the difference - much like a parent does about the different cries of their children.
It seemed to me that she began doing this during the period of time when the COVID infection had cost her her ability to converse much more lucidly, possibly because the infection had done so much damage to her lungs.
When I was able to be with her between waves of infections, I could calm her and distract her sometimes, but during her last year, in a SNF, it disappeared.
Sometimes it's a daughter's name.. Maria Maria. Or they learn a kind nurse or aide's name so Susan Susan or whoever.
She frequently became agitated and would cry "help me, help" over and over.
I have no idea what her condition was; she had attentive family members who visited frequently.
The brain is a mysterious organ.
When my son had his LAR surgery there was a man on his hospital floor that yelled "help" for hours. He didn't stop until his wife arrived and he started up right away again after she left. The nurses said that his wife told them he does it at home whenever he can't see her.