Is it normal for someone with dementia to forget the house they've lived in for the past 60 years but remember the one they grew up in?

With dementia, most recent memories are lost first... and distant memories are lost later... is what I understand. Good luck to you and your mom.

My father has dementia. What I do notice is that he remembers things from the past, from his childhood years ( people, places, and things). Sadly, he can't remember ever having us (his kids) and many other things that have happened in the past 40+ years. I do not know what is normal anymore.

Agree. When my mom wanted to go “home”, it was to her home in the 1920’s.

There is nothing normal with dementia. Often the home is forgotten, my mom did, she always wanted to return to Milwaukee, where she grew up. She worried about her parents worrying about her, thought her parents would think she had been kidnapped or some such. Yet, at the same time, she worried about her own children being kidnapped or disappearing.

Yes! The mind wants to remember what it wants to remember. I rather her remembering a good memory. Some only remember bad things.

Dementia is terrible, nothing is normal any more. My mom always talked about who came to visit ....but they were gone years ago. She said did you see her in the hall, and I would just say I'll talk to her later she left already.
So sad to watch our loved ones suffer. Peace to you.

Yes, this is absolutely the norm. The long term memory lasts and the short term memory goes quickly. Often you will be called by the name of an old friend, loved one, family member or acquaintance. Certain things the mind can hold on to very tight, such as the words to old songs, the tune, how to play the piano, where other things cannot be held on to. The mind is a very fascinating thing.

I once read an analogy that said our memory is like a bookshelf with the oldest memories on the bottom shelf and some books being weightier than others as we progress upwards - with dementia we tend to keep the heaviest tomes and the foundational bottom shelf the longest.

The doctor explained it to us 40 years ago, the mind progresses backwards, so the more recent the memory the sooner it is gone, eventually they are like infants.

I watched as my grandma regressed through her life, it is bizarre, especially if you look like family that they knew as children.

Yes it is normal for the elderly population. My mother occasionally wants to go to her childhood home to see her mother when she becomes afraid or upset and it is usually in the evening. I reorient her as best I can, but sometimes she gets upset and demands to leave. I use reverse psychology and get the car keys, I tell her just be careful, mom with the wolves out there and she settles down for the night. The funny thing is there are a pack of wolves out there.

Thanks for your thoughtful responses. I was prepared for her to start losing memory of things but not 60 years worth all at once. She'll close her eyes and concentrate but cant bring up a single memory of her home or her things. So sad.

My grandma went from completely fine on Friday to full blown dementia on Monday, her decline from present time to some unknown time was rapid, then it took her a couple of years to regress beyond comprehension.

Have you seen a doctor? My grandma had a clogged artery in her neck and that caused a series of strokes that changed her over a weekend.

I am a Director of Nursing in a assisted living community, this is normal progression for dementia, the long term memories seem to remain its the short term memory that is most affected. Often my residents "get stuck" at a particular place in time.  When I was in nursing school way back in the day, they told us to be truthful with them and try to keep them in the moment. That is a load of junk. I do not want to tell someone that their spouse died each and every day. I want my residents to be as happy as we can make them so we deflect the comments that may hurt them emotionally. I do a paper on each resident called "My story" this is all information I get from family and friends about their lives and use that information to help distract them such as "So you got married in 1953, wow, that was the year Queen Elizabeth was crowned did you watch it?" dementia is a mean disease that robs them of so much.

Try asking her questions about the house she remembers and let her tell you about it that can provide her with some meaningful conversation with you.

Good luck and god bless.

Perhaps the Meds for the Surgery here, Dear, Have clouded up hr Memory some. This may be.
However, have her Checked too for Alzheimer's, many times the TWO are alike. After everything is Said and done, They will Approach you about Keeping Mom in a facility or Arranging Care at Home.

Lisajean this sort of thing is very common; but more to the point your mother has just had major surgery and is still recovering.

If it troubles *your mother* that she can't bring to mind her home of sixty years, take pictures on your cellphone - room by room, including any favourite features - and chat to her about it. If that helps, great; and if not put the idea to one side and change the subject.

If it only troubles *you* - talk about something else! The important thing is to reassure your mother so that she can focus on her recovery, and let everything else wait until she's back on her feet.

Sometimes things clear after recovery from the surgery. Anesthetic affects cognition in many elderly people and may be come more clear as she recovers. It takes time though.

I agree with all of these posts. My Mom has had Alzheimer's for about 11 years. She still walks by herself no walker. She is in M.C. She waffles back and forth from 1945 (12 year old), or 1960 (young freshly married). 55 years of marriage pretty much disappeared. Daddy died 7 years ago and she had been lost ever since. She worries that her parents know where she is too. I had surgery on my throat last Oct. I am 57. I was talking to my sister and husband while eating out. I said I filled out the hospital questionnaire about my stay. I said it was great and no pain ever. I couldn't talk for a month but I could drink and eat. I also got a collapsed lung during surgery. I said I left the part out as not applicable on the food. I said I never ate there. My sister fell over laughing! She said I ordered pizza and they brought it to me (nurses). I don't remember eating. High as a kite! I am 57 so evidently they are right on the anesthesia affecting us lol! Welcome to the new normal. It will all be okay. Just be positive!

Unfortunately, this is very common. My loved one doesn't speak much on her kids, grandkids, great grand, or her own self-accomplishments.

She in turn speaks mainly about her father whom passed away when she was a teenager. Raves about him and his accomplishments.

Be well.

This is completely common. MIL talks in great detail about life as a teenager, where she worked, the score of a baseball game she attended at age 18, etc. However, since she cannot remember the more current events, she will tell these stories over and over again, she does not remember she told us all this last week.
If your mom had surgery, the anesthesia could be causing some memory lapses. Give it a little time and see how it goes.

My Mom was the same way, but she didn't know she was remembering wrong. She didn't know at all. She forgot pieces of her life, they were just gone. I learned to just go along with it, but it made me very sad.

It's simple, I think. They are thinking of the house where they were completely healthy and YOUNG. My mother says she wants to go home and I say, 'well you ARE home.' Then it's - 'no, I mean the old farm house where all the kids were.' She wants to be fifteen again.

My husband got to a point when he would gather up his "prized personal possessions" saying he was "going home now", almost every day and especially when experiencing sundowning at night. He could remember the name of the street he grew up on and others during his lifetime, but did not believe our house was his home, but a hotel or a place he was visiting. He would either refuse to go to bed or get up during the night many times, saying that his daughter or his wife,(me), was coming to pick him up. It was so sad. There came a time when it became impossible to keep him from trying to leave and I had to install a special lock on the doors. I tried to sometimes take him for a ride, then bring him "home", which worked a few times, but eventually only confused him more.

Yes, that's not unexpected but rather normal with dementia. Often, long term memories remain even when short term is a challenge. Has she been diagnosed with short term memory loss and/or dementia? Best thing for you is to not make a big deal out of it to her as that will only increase her anxiety. Patience and understanding is key. good luck to you.

Perhaps it is for the best they have memories of places they were the most happy. It might be the mind's way of escaping to a happier time and place. What is the alternative? A worn out aging body in a nursing home? So what if that is all they want to think about. Just go with it. Maybe that is a way to comfort, or protect themselves from reality.
Be happy that they have good memories and just go with it. Dont bother to correct them. Leave them where they are. Happy and content.
I love the story of the grandmother at the shore. How wonderful!

Once had an Alzheimer's pt who said he wanted "to go home". When his wife took him to the house he built for them 60 years ago, he said "No I want to go home"! She drove him to his family home( in the same town). He was happy to see the place where he was raised.

I always enjoy reading about the experience of others. One experience associated with my husband's loss of recent memory was his return to our house after sustaining a relatively severe second brain hemorrhage secondary to cerebral amyloid angiopathy (CAA)--the protein associated with Alzheimer's. He was in the ICU for 8 days, then went into rehab for another 3 weeks, but amazingly recovered much of his physical impairment, although he lost very much his reasoning, judgment, and memory. When we returned home, he came into the house where we had lived the prior two years and walked around from one room into another. Then he said to me, "Strange..I somehow have the feeling that I've been here before!" I told him that he had indeed lived here for the past two years, and he accepted it after finding a few of his belongings of great importance (a framed sketch of his hero, Albert Schweitzer) hanging on the wall, and on the bookshelves. However, the fact that he questioned his belonging here was somehow, although sort of funny, also sad, because it was a sign that the future would never hold for him the enjoyment of "belonging" to his world...he lived for six more years, which continued the slow downhill path into oblivion.

Unfortunately, this is pretty common with dementia. My Mom was the same way. She could remember the house she grew up in but would get lost in the neighborhood she'd lived in for many, many years. When I would talk about "Dad" (meaning her husband, my dad) she would think I was talking about her Dad. It can be a bit like going down the rabbit hole when you're trying to have a conversation so you just have to find what works in your situation. Sometimes they know that they are confused and other times it is their reality. We found that just "going with the flow" worked best for us, rather than trying to correct Mom.

With a lot of elders, short-term memory is gone or significantly lessened. Ergo, long-term memory is usually superb!

My Mom never accepted that the house she owned for 25 years was her house. She said I was taking her to the wrong place. She remembered the house she grew up in. She said the things in the house were just like her things, but not hers. Several times when I brought her home from a doctor appointment she refused to get out of the car because she said it was the wrong house. She said she wanted to go home.

I have read that surgery (mainly the anesthesia) can result in some memory loss in older people, sometimes temporary in nature. Often they can revert back to the "state" they were in before the surgery, but it can take months. Other times, some memory can come back, but not all of it. I think the suggestion made about taking pictures of the house, gardens/yard, rooms, belongings, etc might help "jog" her memory. Waking up after extensive hip surgery and then being stuck in rehab might deter the memories. If she had been able to go home shortly after the surgery, it might have helped. If the pix don't help, then put them away, for now. If they do, take more, keep bringing in pix of home, family, etc. I think the reminders are helpful. My mother does seem to know my kids (can't remember great-grandson, but loves seeing pix of him! He did come after she was moved to MC.) When I did Xmas cards with/for her last year and we got to my nieces (YBs kids, much younger than mine, but in/just done with college), she saw the names and said who are they. They lived the closest to mom and dad and she babysat and doted on them for years! Yet the names were not familiar. I got my SIL to send a recent pic, which seemed to jog something in there....

Dementia, unfortunately, can affect every person differently, and at different rates. Some regress quickly, others slower. Our mother didn't show clear signs until very early 90s (in retrospect there were some things that might have been indicators it was coming, but I knew little about dementia then - more now!) It can be bizarre what they remember and what they don't, or even what they can learn (usually learning is an issue, because it does require short term memory, but mom has surprised us a few times!)

While mom's short term memory was clearly suffering (repetition repetition repetition, oi!), when we moved her to MC she hounded YB to take her back to her condo, which was her most recent home (for over 20 years.) At a visit after that (about 9 months into her MC residence), she broadsided me by asking if I could drop her off at her mother's on my way home... You have to be quick on the draw! I looked at my watch, said Ummm, not today, it's getting late and it isn't on my way home (her mom has been gone about 40 years!) I then said 'Maybe tomorrow.', to which she replied okay. Immediately after she asked if I had a key to the place in X-town, you know, on XXX-road... She had the street and town correct. I lifted my lanyard and said not with me, I will check at home. Her reply was okay, if I had a key I'd go stay there tonight! Bet the current owners would love that!!!

So, she still asks about her mother, do I see her often, what is she doing for the holidays, she asks staff to call her and her father too (died when I was 10) and writes their names with that previous address. I don't think it is so much the years that were lost as remembering the location. It was 20+ years since they sold that place, and had a place in FL too, which she hasn't asked about.

Most recently I noticed she had some lollys in a pouch. I asked what they were for and she replied 'her kids, if they happen to be around.'.... I pointed to myself and she asked if my kids were around... So I guess I exist in the past and present now???? Her youngest "kid" is 56!!! The things she does remember (esp more recent stuff) shows how bizarre this condition is...