My sister is paying an agency over $8,000 a month to care for my mother at home. I am putting in more hours then the agency combined, yet she doesn't feel that she should pay me because she said I should volunteer my time. Does that sound right to you?
If she pays you privately, you become an employee and she will thus need to do withholding, do quarterly reporting, submit your W2 at the EOY, and have a written contract outlining your wage, and vacation/sick policy.
"... I could not offer quality of care that a facility could. My wife and daughter are both CNA that work at same facility.
" WE know what goes on there. Every facility is the same with a different name on the front of the building. I don't care if you pay $500 or $5000 a month. THEY ARE ALL THE SAME. Understaffed. Outdated medical equipment. A true horror story."
Nope. Last night I was at my MIL's LTC facility. The staff put on an amazing Valentine's Day dinner (steak and lobster, molten lava cake, harp music). This is not a high-cost facility: it is a faith-based facility. My MIL is on Medicaid and even has a private room. This facility is on a very beautiful (and expensive) suburban lake. They take her on outings and even fishing on their pontoon boat. I admit places like this aren't common but this is proof they do exist, and you are being unfair, unrealistic and overly dramatic about the qualify of facilities. You've seen only 1 apparently. My MIL was transferred to her current fantastic facility from a very decent one (and mostly because it was much closer to us).
"And they try to compare their quality of care to mine."
If we took my MIL into our home, we'd not have our own lives.
"Money is the root of all evil."
To clarify, the accurate scripture is, "The love of money is the root of all evil."
I wish you clarity, wisdom and peace in your family over this issue.
Also, most insurance companies will not pay for homecare unless it is through a licensed, homecare agency. I know this because I was an in-home caregiver for 25 years and now am in the business of it.
This is not to say that you should not be paid for your caregiving to your mother. If your sister refuses to pay you, stop doing it until she does. You don't have to be a caregiver for anyone be it paid or free if you refuse. Start refusing.
Tell your sister today that you're not staying if she's not paying.
Have you considered telling your sister that you will not be your mother’s caregiver without compensation?
Have you asked your sister to look at assisted living facilities for your mother so that she no longer needs caregivers at home?
I would tell your sister that she should volunteer HER time and that you are done.
Your mother really needs to be in AL.
I've shared positions where it was round-the-clock care for seniors living alone and it worked very well. It works of everyone does what they are responsible for, including the family members. Family are the ones who screw up a homecare situation that's running smoothly.
Their reasons are usually resentment over the cost. Or they think that because the bill is expensive that the caregiver staff are slaves who are supposed to make their "loved one" the only priority of their lives. Or they try to get more than what they're paying for. Or skip put on their responsibilities and leave it all up to the care staff coming into the home.
When everyone does their part and what they are responsible for, homecare can be a very good option for keeping a person in their home.
Since there is a disagreement within the family about this I think what would be fair is to determine the cost of facility care, less the cost of daytime care, also keeping in mind cost of living beyond actual care needs to be included in that calculation. Charge an amount equal to or less than that. I think you should also explore hiring caregivers to allow you some weekly respite as well as periodic vacations.
”But what would happen to them if I don’t keep caring for mom?”
That would be sister’s problem, and I’m sure she’d find someone else if necessary. I bet she’d offer to pay you if you turned in your resignation. Try it and report back soon.
I wish you luck in getting a better deal for yourself.
I'm wondering if maybe your more feel takin for granted and under appreciated more than anything. Because I've been there, that's for sure!
and not once having any of my siblings offer to step in and give me a break. Where is it written that all of this falls on the responsibility of the youngest child ?
Whatever the result of giving up this arrangement, you are a complete mug if you keep it going.
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