Is it wrong for me to refuse to enter an area where my sister and nephew have put cameras?
They place a camera in living room with view straight through to kitchen which also a part of my living space. I go there to cook and take showers. I clean, cook and feed my mother watch tv and talk with her.
The thing is I feel its a violation, I do not go down there fully dressed or with my wig on and while I am down there with my mother I am on the phone about different things that are personall.
Mean while my sister has blocked so many cable channels, ones she thinks I like. Most times I put certain stations on while I am cleaning and cooking and me and my mother laughs at whats said or she talks back the tv. Its entertainment. I watch what I want in my room or on my phone.
I recently made doctor apt for my mother to get referral for homecare and podiatrist referral.The apt was for the 14th of november and I noticed the camera downstairs on the 13th. I took it down. The next day another few channels were blocked, and the apt had been canceled.
My sister has me blocked by healthcare proxy from any medical information. I was out of work about 6 weeks from surgery and my first day back to work I come in to find my mother messing with her feet which are swollen and the nails are hard and long probably ingrown. I just flew off the handle and called to make apts. knowing that I can barely walk my self muchless struggle to get my mother dressed and out so I was calling to cancel anyway in the hope that APS would be taking over guardianship in the near future.
I told my nephew that I would not be a pawn in their plots and schemes. That I dont know what the purpose of the cameras are but its my choice not to be on camera and when my mother is on that floor where a camera is in the room that she spends a lot of time in and now over the stairwell, it will be their responsiblity to feed her .
I always have snacks in the fridge and on table. Sometimes she makes big messes. I am the only one who changes her bed linen. Sit and feed her, clean her environment and deal with what ever pest is in season. I have high blood pressure, issues with my knees and hips and I am just plain tired.
I went through a deep depression and self realization during the 6 week period out was out of work with on 40hr of sick time. I still have not addressed the cleaning issues that have built up since I was out and unable to do things over the last few months.
Please help, any suggestions, corrections, opinions will be appreciated
Please give advise.
4 Answers
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Its pretty much up to you as to how long you will allow this to go on and how long you will allow your sister to control your life. I say “allow” because by not reacting and standing up for yourself, you are letting your sister get away with this behavior. Have a calm and respectful meeting with your sister and tell her until she takes the cameras down and stops messing with the television, Mom’s doctor’s appointments, etc. you will be seriously considering getting your own place and it will be up to her to find alternate care for your mother.
From reading the post, I feel there is a lot more going on here than just an issue with cameras. This almost seems more like a venting of frustrations and that is totally fine and healthy. However, just as an outside observation, It also appears there might be some control issues and family disputes going also using your Mother as the grinding stone. With that said, and since your asking for some opinions, here are some things to consider:
- If the house is your Mother's home/property and the other family members are responsible for her care either legally or through some arrangement, then it would seem like the cameras are a reasonable option when caring for a person aging in place so long as they are not intruding in personal areas (i.e. your room, where people dress, and the bathrooms).
- While I understand that you might feel like this is an attempt to gain control or watch over you, you may want to consider the benefits such devices provide for an elderly person choosing to remain in the home and age in place. The largest issue in home health care and persons remaining in the home are falls related to home accidents or health issues. Cameras can help mitigate those issues. Second, would be accidents in the kitchen such as leaving appliances like the stove or oven on. In the end this should be about your Mother's safety and care regardless of everyone's personal issues.
- The places the Cameras are posted, by my interpretation of the post, do not seem to be intruding in personal areas. If the cameras can see into a bathroom then perhaps you can fix this issue with simply putting up a curtain or room divider to block the area if there is no door, or a concern about closing the door for safety. Cooking in the home can be a serious issue with elders and those choosing to age in place. Having a camera to observe them for safety should not be an issue with observing the cooking areas like kitchens as long as your Mother is safe.
- Please understand while I empathize with your need to have privacy and freedom in your private life, you are a guest of your Mother's. Unless there is some rental or implied agreement between her and her legal guardian/s. If there is, then these issues should be worked out between you all and not place your Mother's safety and care as the tool to use to grind the other family issues over. Each state has their own interpretations of what constitutes a guest, renter, etc. I encourage you to reach out to resources to find out what your rights are if this is the case. I nor most others here cannot give you any legal or medical advice other than general information, but there are free (or almost free) resources in most states to help you with protecting your's and your Mother's rights, such as legal aid services.
- If you feel there are abuse issues on the side of her guardians such as taking advantage of financials (i.e. the home) or not adequately providing for your Mother's health and care competently, then you should call your Adult Protection Services (APS) in your area. Anyone who has these concerns can make this report and I encourage you to reach out to them if this is the case.
- If you also have health issues which prevent you from adequately providing safe care for your mother, then perhaps the cameras should stay in place for her safety and yours.
- The benefits of having cameras in the home for home safety purposes and deterrents against possible crime from the outside of the home all should go without being said.
In the end this all should be about your Mother's safety in her home the rest of the issues, such as cable etc. can be mitigated by getting a separate account and setting up your own services -- I believe this can even be done with basic services such as phone, electricity, etc. I totally, understand how this can feel like an attempt to spy on you and I am sorry you have to deal with family disagreements -- these things are sad and I really