My grandmother has always been obsessed with pre-planning her funeral. I can even remember she would ask my mother and I what items we would want she died, tell us what music we had better play at her funeral, etc. Sadly, my grandmother suddenly and expectedly passed away this past weekend. I can understand leaving basic funeral arrangengs to help the family left behind, but I feel as though my grandmother took it to a whole new level. We found “scrapbooks” filled with magazine clippings, photo-copied pages, hand written notes, etc. on EXACTLY how she wants her obituary written, the funeral program, what songs are to be played when and where, what time mass is to start, what pictures to use, even down to exactly which floral arrangements my mother, myself, and my sister are to order and send to the funeral home! But wait, there’s more... a highlighted MAP of the exact route she wants the funeral procession to take around the town she came from! Is it me, or does all this seem a bit OBSESSIVE?? I know for a fact that my grandmother has always been a bit of a control freak and most definitely a perfectionsit, but I can’t help but think there may have been a lot more going on besides depression when it came to her mental health. Any insight that anyone can offer would be greatly appreciated; has anyone else experienced this type of behavior with a loved one?
If only everyone's elders would plan their final journey like your Grandmother did, it would make the funeral arrangement less mind boggling for the rest of the family. Now you and the family can use those requests as a guide on what to do, no major decisions, Grandmother had already made them for you. Bless her heart.
I remember trying to get information from my parents regarding their final plans. All I remember Dad saying he wants to be buried in Iowa. Thanks, Dad, for narrowing that down... [sigh]. A city or cemetery name would be helpful.
Why can’t you simply follow her instructions?
She wants to be remembered in her own way. You’ll understand her better as time goes by. She wanted to have some control over the funeral it seems. If it is a financial hardship just do the best you can in the spirit of what she wanted. It’s really not necessary for us (you) to understand it or approve of it. It was what SHE wanted. This was HER LIFE. that’s all that matters. I would probably put the scrapbooks on display at the funeral.
Maybe with her depression it was kind of comforting to think about her funeral and finally being at rest. Maybe she didn't have enough creative outlets and this was a fun project that got a bit out of hand. She sounds like an interesting lady and I wish you condolences on your family's loss.
Mother is pretty obsessed about her funeral. To the point she asked my daughter who was 14 at the time, to learn a specific piano number she wanted played at both her and dad's funerals. Kind icked out my daughter. BUT, dutiful girl she was, she learned the number and did play it at dad's funeral. (she says it runs through her head incessantly on sleepless nights, poor lady)...mother routinely writes more and more in her "funeral" notebook....mostly just little addendums, as GG kids are suddenly booming up---but at least we KNOW what she wants.
I'm sorry for your loss. AT least things should run smoothly!
So sorry for your loss, love Grandmother for who she was, obsessions and all.
Jenna