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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Which stands for Listen, Empathize, Agree, and Partner. Rather than trying to convince your loved one they're sick, actively listening to their point of view can help build trust and respect. Being supportive may help encourage your loved one to be more open and honest about their perspective.
Pick up a copy of the book Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon so you can learn about dementia and how to help your wife and cope yourself.
If her doctor can't convince her, I don't think a counselor will. Even if she could come to accept her diagnosis... then what? Is it not going to change the fact that her disease is progressive, or that she cannot prevent herself from losing her abilities of reason and logic and empathy or memory. She may still be resistant and paranoid. Treat her like you would like to be treated if you were the one with the broken brain. You are the one that now needs to change.
Here are some guidelines I found helpful:
Rules for Engaging Our Loved Ones with Dementia:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible (because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
I also learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving and provides many helpful strategies to achieve more peaceful and productive interactions with our LOs.
Yes, sure there are. In my area there are psychologists and family/marital therapists who specialize in counseling of the aging adult. Do a google search for someone in your area, or ask a geriatrician doctor for recommendations.
I think a social worker who is in private practice for counseling, who would be familiar with life transitions best for this; also able to let you know pretty quickly if your wife can, at this point, benefit from counseling.
Yes, Lea is correct. As I said in my previous post, people who have dementia can’t fully comprehend what is going on.
Even when someone is diagnosed younger in life, they don’t fully understand what is happening.
I am seeing this with my brother who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at age sixty.
He keeps telling me that he has to be “more mindful” of things.
He knows that he is experiencing memory problems but I don’t think he is attributing this to his diagnosis.
He doesn’t seem to be able to make the connection between Alzheimer’s disease and being forgetful.
I think it’s harder for those who have type A personalities that are used to getting things done. My brother was very successful in his life. He isn’t used to being confused and not being able to control his life.
I feel for you, because it is frustrating for the person who has dementia and for the family members too.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Your wife has anosognosia which means she's wholly unaware of her impairment. Here is a useful article from Agingcare on coping with it:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/anosognosia-dementia-patients-cant-recognize-impairment-210090.htm
Remember the acronym LEAP:
Which stands for Listen, Empathize, Agree, and Partner. Rather than trying to convince your loved one they're sick, actively listening to their point of view can help build trust and respect. Being supportive may help encourage your loved one to be more open and honest about their perspective.
Pick up a copy of the book Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon so you can learn about dementia and how to help your wife and cope yourself.
Good luck to you.
Here are some guidelines I found helpful:
Rules for Engaging Our Loved Ones with Dementia:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible
(because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
I also learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving and provides many helpful strategies to achieve more peaceful and productive interactions with our LOs.
Even when someone is diagnosed younger in life, they don’t fully understand what is happening.
I am seeing this with my brother who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at age sixty.
He keeps telling me that he has to be “more mindful” of things.
He knows that he is experiencing memory problems but I don’t think he is attributing this to his diagnosis.
He doesn’t seem to be able to make the connection between Alzheimer’s disease and being forgetful.
I think it’s harder for those who have type A personalities that are used to getting things done. My brother was very successful in his life. He isn’t used to being confused and not being able to control his life.
I feel for you, because it is frustrating for the person who has dementia and for the family members too.
I would suggest that you go to better understand this disease and how to deal with it.
You are the one who will have a struggle to deal with, her, not so much soon nothing will make a difference to her.
Sending support your way.
What stage of dementia is she in? If she is in an advanced stage, she will not be able to comprehend the reality of her situation.
You can go to see a therapist to help you through these challenges.
Best wishes to you and your wife.