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My dad thinks we are his private cash machine. He tried to force us to pay his taxes on his house. He has life estate and BY LAW is supposed to pay the property taxes. I know he has enough money. He was just recently talking about giving money away to the great grandkids, which was a real downer for me because it would create a Medicaid penalty we would not be able to remedy. He's not on Medicaid yet, but will need to be. He said he would just let the taxes go unpaid, and let the tax people repossess the house. And then move out. A load of crap, because where would he go? My husband and I are remaindermen and stand to inherit that house. He got us to pay off his 150,000 loan on the house many years ago, saying he could not pay it and so could not gift the house to us. He also has bullied us into paying his taxes for the past few years. It didn't seem worth fighting. But now we've had it. We are sending a letter from our lawyer to him threatening to take him to court if he does not pay these current taxes and seeking restitution for all back taxes that we paid as well. Would this be the last straw for you? I know it is a individual question. I feel that this might be it for me. Oh, and he slandered my husband, telling my sister that he said to my dad that he was "living too long". NEVER said that. He is divisive in the family. It's not the first time he has attributed nasty things to my husband and myself. He has my sister believing his lies and mistrustful of me and my husband. He once told my brother that I wished he was dead! It's just unbelievable. It really hurts what he has done, but I have vowed not to continue a relationship with him. Am I wrong? You should also know that everyone else thinks he is a wonderful old man.

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In my area a tax sale with possession takes 3-5 years. In effect unpaid taxes area lien that the owner has a specified time to cure before possession.

Isn't he eligible for a discount on property taxes? Have you checked into that?
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jolobo Feb 2021
Yes he has the Star discount and also an agricultural discount. All the discounts. It's not the money. It's the personality disorder at issue here.
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AlvaDeer - I am not understanding your latest comment? We own the house as remaindermen. He has life estate. Who are you thinking owns the house when you say "they"?
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If you and your husband own the house then it's for the two of you to pay the taxes on it.
You voice concern about your father creating a Medicaid penalty if he gives some money out to the grandkids, but you also say he's not on Medicaid.
Unless his property was taken out of his name or put into a trust, Medicaid (if he has to go on it for LTC at some point) does a five year look back period and if the property wasn't transferred five years past, it get sold and the money goes towards his LTC expense.
You paid off $150,000 loan on his house and pay his property taxes for him. Why do such a thing? Unless his property is worth a fortune.
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jolobo Feb 2021
No, that's not true in this case. Since he has life estate on the property, by law he is responsible for the taxes. The property was bought by us over 5 years ago because he could no longer pay the loan off and we thought we could eventually make money on it after fixing it up or at the very least make our money back. He had always said I would inherit the house. The house is crap but it's on 20 acres of land and in a very coveted town. So 150,000 is below what it would sell for as is because of the acreage. We took a gamble. The concern over Medicaid is there is now a 2.5 year lookback as of April to get community MLTC help in the home. So he has to tow the line even though he doesn't have Medicaid yet.
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Sounds like dear old dad has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Yes, this would be the last straw! I would take him to court and get the house back...Yes, I would kick him out! I may seem hard, but I can take a lot of crap from people, but when it comes to money I don't play very nice! I think I would have been done with him after the apartment building sale...make a promise that big and then not keep that promise...oh h3ll no!!!!

Look, he spreads lies about you and your hubby. Then lies about some promise and bullies you to pay pass taxes...come on! Why should he treat you any different than the way he is? It is working for him therefore why should he change?!

I speak from experience, my mother lies, steals, manipulates, and people think she is so sweet. If my mother did what your dad did I would be done with her! I have always told her you steal money or my credit cards from me I will send you to jail! Like I said, "I don't play nice!"

Good luck!! I hope you learn from this experience!
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jolobo Feb 2021
Yes, I have been wondering about the personality disorder, if he has that. The only reason I did not walk away after the apartment building grift was because my mom was still alive. She developed dementia. I did everything I could for her. I got her Medicaid and aides in the home despite my dad trying to sabotage that. It was so difficult and I almost lost my mind due to my dad's behavior. The thing about my dad is that he seems normal most of the time when there is nothing threatening his control over his money (like Medicaid). He seems like a very nice old man. So it's hard to reconcile the two sides of him. And then after my mom died, I wanted to try to have a normal relationship with him until he died, overcoming my anger and hurt feelings for him, just like I did after the apartment building grift. But maintaining a normal relationship is not all up to me. My sister is totally on my dad's side. She thinks I'm crazy, I'm not sure why that is. But she did contribute to the problems I had with him and my mom's Medicaid. She had a joint bank account with him and I told her to follow the Medicaid rules but several times she did not. If she doesn't agree with the rules, any rules, she simply flouts them. I believe she has passive aggressive personality disorder. Very challenging family I have.
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Writing all this down and responding to you all has actually been very helpful in getting perspective on this. I believe it is the right thing for me to sever ties with my father. Thank you all very much!
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My dad did a life estate deed on his house. I went to the lawyer with him when it was done. The lawyer made it very clear to me that dad owned the house and its associated bills while he was alive. He paid the property taxes and homeowners insurance. It was only upon his death that the house went to me. It was sold a month later, the life estate deed hugely simplifying the process. But my dad didn’t have the issues yours does with trust and financial dependence. I never paid a bill of his and when he needed something his money paid for it. The lines with your dad have been blurred with the money. I don’t blame you for being upset, and doubt inheriting the house is worth it
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Enough is enough! You owe your father nothing, but he owes you a lot back. Do whatever it takes to get ALL your money back, and then cut your ties. Let another family member get used and abused if they're brave enough to take over. Best wishes.
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Ok, so you own the house free and clear? You are on the Deed?
Dad signed paperwork that to have a life estate he needs to be responsible for bills, etc.?

Dad has not held up his end of the agreement. So IMO, he can be evicted. Not that you would do it but I would certainly have a lawyer write him a letter. He has played you too long.

And you are right about Medicaid and the sister who doesn't agree, can take care of Dad when he is penalized for giving away his money. You have done enough for this man. You kept a roof over his head.

Personality disorders, like Narcissism, run in families. I think ur born with them. So, your sister has inherited Dads disorder.
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