Help!!! Anyone had issues being executor or successor trustee of their parent's estate and trust?
Help!!! I was the sole caretaker of my Father for 3.5 years. As difficult as that was, I wanted to make sure my Father was well taken care of in his last days as he was legally separated from his wife of 35 years and living alone. In July 2013, my Father passed away. My role of caretaker transitioned into executor and successor trustee of my Father's trust. Shortly after my Father's death, I was advised by a family friend that my Stepmother had been living with a man for the past 3.5 years. No biggie ... They were legally separated and she has every right to move on with her life! However, she lied about it to myself and my Father for 3.5 years. Eventually my Stepmother shared that her "caretaker" was actually her boyfriend and she was going to marry him. Again, not much I can do about that information! However, a red flag presented itself when I tried to discuss financial findings with my Stepmother and she kept deferring my questions to her new boyfriend. About a month after my Father's death, my Stepmother was checked into a hospital. She passed shortly after. Now I have her boyfriend asking questions about my Father's financial affairs because she made him the executor of her estate!!! I'm furious!!! He is determined to access my Father's retirement and pension with the government. He's been calling our family attorney asking him to represent him in suing me! He has also promised all funds received from my Father's estate/retirement/pension would go to her family which I do not believe! They are buying this story and have stopped giving me information about his financial plans. I truly believe this guy is an opportunist and saw he could come up nicely by attaching himself to my Stepmother.
Has anyone had similar issues arise when trying to handle a decedent's estate?
Any advice is much appreciated!!!
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This entire issue sounds horrendous and I have enough problems just dealing with siblings much less having to deal with someone like this. I truly feel for you and I would obtain another attorney.... your attorney cannot represent this guy too it is a conflict of interest!!!
Best Wishes!!!
My attorney isn't representing the boyfriend. It's the Family attorney that the boyfriend is trying to have represent him. I knew better than to go back to the same man who changed my stepmother's trust for legal advice! But I feel he is feeding this scum free advice over the phone which is a conflict of interest .... In my world!
May I ask how long you have been in your legal situation? Sound as painful as mine is. How do you not let the stress overwhelm you?
If it were me, I'd speak with other friends who went through the worst divorces especially those that their ex-married a much younger spouse and the ex-wife got screwed in the deal and get their ex's attorney's names; or if you can chat up the gals who work at the expensive salons or spa's in town. They hear everything and may have a attorney's name. Do you have friends who have big time jobs or are the executive assistant to a recently divorced CEO, CFO type? They too will have names. Divorce attorney's don't advertise as their client base are from referrals. Their office is going to be in the more affluent zip code too.
Current attorney is a total pussy and I bet they have taken the stance that since parents weren't divorced, she would be the beneficiary to dad's estate since she survived him and so everything is hers and therefore now everything is boyfriends.
And as the family attorney, he is first & foremost to the surviving family (her) and therefore now to her boyfriend as she named him executor.
You have to decide to be all hard-ball on this too. As you legally are named as executor of dad, you can still do all that but realize you can determine how probate on his estate get's done. This is where a good attorney can be invaluable. I've been executrix twice for aunt's estates and helped my mom with my dad's. For 1 aunt it was a hot mess of an estate. My being named executrix came as a surprise to me as we were not close at all. It was her attorney who contacted me and she had had him prepared a letter as to why she named me. In her will, she was pretty explicit in what charities and scholarships estate was to go to, small amounts to family & friends. She had home, land, O & G stuff and she died about 2 mo after moving into a expensive CCRC from an aneurism. Now she had a nephew, who had for years did things for her & he expected to be named. Was some kinda pissed when that didn't happen too. He made all kind of noise and sent a letter to bill the estate for all his caregiving and other expenses related to her. The attorney said basically do you want to take this to the mat and I agreed. Now in my aunt's state probate can run to 4 years, and as executrix YOU determine what the time frame is. You do NOT have to even present letters to open probate right away unless there is something needing immediate attention (like a foreclosure). Now through the whole probate process, the executor can be paid. And depending on the estate, this amount could be a good amount of $. As executor you can get certain things done - like a forensic CPA accounting of their assets. That for you would mean dad's & mom's as they were married at the time of his death. So everything they both had will surface - banking, retirement, investments, real property ownership, etc. All that can take time….. Boyfriend has to accommodate the probate courts request for a forensic too.
One thing we did was to respond to nephew regarding his "the estate owe's me letter", what the attorney did was to send him a letter asking for details on this and the amount he was requesting. Well nephew got right back on that. What that did was provide for a confirmation of his caregiving. The attorney then had me (as executrix) send him a letter with W-9's to be filled out as the money he had been paid in the past by auntie would be fully taxable. And we were going to go back on her taxes to do this for past years and would be doing it fresh for the year of her death too….therefore every cent she paid him in the recent past would be reported to IRS as taxable income. IF he didn't sign & mail back the w-9, it would still be reported to IRS but with a letter stating that he refused to provide his TIN. He went away……still mad to this day. Now as far as my time, being executrix easily was a full year of work for me but over a 4 year period of running around county courthouses. I ended up doing a lot of the stuff that a paralegal would do, which has actually served me well later on in life. It was quite character building, as my hubby says.
About the attorney, your dad's money from his estate should be paying for the new attorney too. As executor of dad, you can do this. Good luck.
I will keep you all posted on how things are going with me!
Now we have since sold that property so the usufruct is gone but would have been important if we still had it and he predeceased me). Most of time usufruct are great for second or third marriage situations in which the parent wants to leave the asset to their kids from marriage # 1 but wants to enable the current spouse to stay living in the house or continue to use the asset (like a beach house or 2nd home) so her standards of living do not change due to his death. He may leave a trust to pay for expenses, or last wife pays or sometimes the final inheritor has to pay. But if they want to do something with the house, they have to negotiate with second wife to do so whether or not she uses the asset. Makes everybody have to get all kum-ba-ya if only for a moment. If it states that she had to live in the house in order to get the benefit, then you all might be out of luck once she went to NH.