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I am 45 years old with six boys, my grandma is on hospice. She is on morphine. My grandmother is my world. My everything, when me and my 3 older sons were growing up she was there for us and helped us ALOT,. MY grandpa passed away in 2009, my son in 2019. My son was 19, me and her were so sad, she helped me rasie the other 5, she had a stroke and a small brain bleed. She recovered but not completely. They sent her t o rehab, she has my mom and two other sons, My mom lives next door but doesn't want to see her hardly. I don't understand. I'm here everyday, all the time, me and my sister and my step daughter are doing everything. She got phenomena and a uti. I feel very bad for her, I've never been this scared in my life to see someone I'm so worried. I have took care of her well, until now I do go in there and talk to her a bit but my sister and the nurses aid work on her, I can't. I am afraid I'm letting her down, what do I do? Why is she moning when I talk to her like she wants to cry? I don't wanna get her upset, what do I do?

Of all you tell us here, you don't tell us your grandmother's age. It sounds to me as though she has had a life full of love and joy and that she now is passing from this life.
I encourage you to accept that, and to accept that grief and mourning is the price we pay for great love. I am thankful she is on Hospice.
You posted under guilt which is a shame to mention in the same breath with this for no one caused this suffering and death is universal in the world just as birth and life is. It is the natural progression and after a long life one deserves that their contribution be accepted on some level with joy, and with relief there need be no further suffering, nor your standing witness to that suffering. Guilt belongs to felons. It requires causation and refusal to remedy. You didn't cause aging and death and you can't fix them. Guilt isn't appropriate. But grief over your loss is.

I am so sorry. Especially at the holidays the coming loss of a loved one is hard to bear. I wish you and your family the best and while some aren't as participatory in caregiving I am thankful you have the support of others, and that Hospice is there to ease your grandmother's journey from you. She will always be with you. Rachel. You will find that to be true.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I'm sure she feels your love and prescence, Rachel. It's a scary thing to see our loved ones so helpless. Do what you can do, and don't feel guilty for not being able to do everything. Sometimes strokes leave people with less ways to communicate--just be there for her when you can, hold her hand, say a prayer. You don't have to talk to her if you think it's making her upset. She knows you love her.
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Reply to ElizabethY
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Your grandma is dying and her moaning could be because she's trying to tell you something and she can't talk, or sometimes it's just part of the dying process.
Your grandma knows how very much you love her, and she understands if you can't be with her all the time.
Everyone handles death and the dying process differently, so the only thing I will say is to make sure that you leave nothing left unsaid with your grandma, and perhaps even let her know that you're going to be ok after she dies and it's ok for her to go be with her family members that have gone on before her.
What a blessing that you had a grandma that played such a intracule part in your life. That is a gift that you will treasure forever and long after she's gone.
God bless you.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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