I work for a lady who is very wealthy and I've noticed that her best friend and her son and daughter-in-law are very interested in her wealth even though they are wealthy themselves. My client is only 68 years old and only has minor memory issues and has not been diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer's yet. These people are pushy and bossy, telling her what she needs to get rid of and what she needs to do. As a caregiver, I obviously don't have the right to make comments, but I really don't like it. I think they are taking away her independence and making her more anxious than she originally was. It's tough to stand by and watch... Any suggestions?
Who else can your client turn to for advice about managing her affairs? Does she have a lawyer, an accountant? Is she recently widowed or anything of that kind, or has she always been independent?
As a caregiver it is not for you to challenge the behaviour of your client's guests, you're right, of course not. But it is for you to report any concerns about her welfare, and visitors who appear to make your client uncomfortable or anxious are included in that. Start with your line manager or shift leader.
From time to time I see situations where somebody turns up at my client's house during our routine. You have to go into Receptionist mode: the person may think it's okay just to walk in because they always have done, but not on your watch they don't. You politely ask their name, ask them to wait, and ask the client whether s/he wants this person to come into her house. Your client may say "oh yes, she's brought my shopping," or she may silently grimace. If it's the latter, you return to the visitor, explain that your client is busy at the moment, take any message, and show him or her out. With all due courtesy, of course, but as firmly as necessary.
So. The rule of thumb is: does your client actually want these people crossing her threshold? You could do worse than ask her.
Does she hire you privately? Or do you work for an agency? If you are a private hire, you may have more latitude to query her on whether she has a DPoA. Also because if something happens to her you are the person with the most knowledge of her situation (I'm guessing).
This makes all the difference. If you're privately hired you can speak up. If you're agency-hired and have to answer to a boss, you can't.
These people are very "interested" in your client because rich people are always "interested" in making sure someone's money locked down good and tight so they aren't spending it on anything or anyone they disapprove of. People like this normally don't lift a finger to help with any of the caregiving themselves. They aren't willing to even put in any companionship time for their rich, lonely friend or family member. They will go to any lengths to make sure someone's money is guarded though.
It is very unlikely that your client will cross these people or go against their wishes no matter how much she likes, loves, or values you.
Do your job and collect your pay every week. If this client is in charge of her own affairs and hasn't yet been diagnosed with dementia, you can accept gifts from her if she offers them. Only if you're private help though. These people have no right to push her around or decide how she spends her money.
If so, feel free to discuss with them, making it first CLEAR that you UNDERSTAND fully that you yourself cannot do anything about this, but that their actions (be SPECIFIC) worry you for your client. Then follow their advice.
If you were hired without an agency, I would maintain silence about your elder, who is not yet incompetent, and about her business as to her friends, and whether she chooses to keep those friends.
I might have other suggestions if there looks to be financial abuse here, but I would need you to be very specific about what you saw or heard. That could be reportable to APS or to the family member who has hired you. But again, it would have to be very specific and very carefully worded.
It also concerns me that you feel there is some anxiousness on the part of your elder. Do you believe she is in fear of these "friends".
You need to take great care with accusations or reports to others about the friends of a person, as friends just aren't your business. You need to be certain it isn't some personal grudge you have against them for being bossy to YOU.
I wish you the best. (And if they ARE bossy with you, just gently tell them that whatever they just told you you will discuss with your elder when the two of you are alone, and you will follow her wishes, as you were hired to do).
so upsetting an elder and giving her anxiety due to their wishes is projecting by this family.
Maybe, as her Caregiver you can find a way of telling the friend that the way she approaches the lady causes her anxiety she does not need.
Does the lady have family. As a private hire you can tell one of them what you see letting them handle it. If hired thru an agency, speak to your supervisor and have them call a family member making them aware.
Assuming you can have time just with her and no one else around , see what she thinks. See if the behavior bothers her. If it does, then take action. If it doesn't then it is time to be reassigned.
You are a caregiver, a caring, compassionate person. However, you don't know what the family dynamics was like before you came and before she needed you. I would tread very, very carefully.
What money any of them have is none of your business and I would be concerned if you worked for my loved one.