Just had a huge fight with my mother.
Don’t know where to begin, crazy stressful week with daughter getting married- she caters to 4 out of nine, excuses them for not seeing her or calling her, while I am expected to just be a rug and do everything!!! I am beyond hurt that she said she can’t call them out on their wrong doings to her or me and my husband because they will never speak to her again!!! Two won’t be attending wedding because their happiness matters! These are life changing decisions for me, not attending my daughter’s wedding because we asked for help with their Mother!!! She is playing the victim and saying she is going to find somewhere to live!!! I am feeling bad but honestly can’t take the stress of being victimized and doing all the work!!!!
Please try not to worry about your two siblings non-attendance at the wedding. Sounds like you have a few spares! Focus on the people who do show up to celebrate this wonderful occasion. Have a blast! Congratulations.
Something has to change. Do you have Power of Attorney? Even if you don’t, Mother has got to go. Living with our children in their homes is a privilege and not a right. We are not allowed to burst into their homes and take over, pitting them against each other and then sitting back to watch.
Were you wrong for taking her in? No. You did it with the best of intentions. Maybe your sibs said they'd help and then backed out. So tomorrow you sit down with Mother and tell her this arrangement isn’t working. You will be searching for other living arrangements for her. She can be a part of that search if she is capable...or not. But, she is going to have to go. A nice Senior Apartment, Independent Living, whatever. But she has to go. Then you write each of your sibs a letter saying Mother can no longer live in your home and you are making other arrangements. This deal is not open for bargaining. The decision is made. You will not allow yourself, your husband or your children to be used and abused any longer. Any of your sibs, as you will say in the letter, is more than welcome to take Mother into their home. But, you are out of it. You’re going to have to be strong and determined and not let anyone guilt your into reversing your decision. If you let them do that, you will only have yourself to blame.
Good luck and keep us updated.
The rest of your family understandably wants to enjoy the wedding too.
Hire a caregiver to get your Mom ready, take her separately, , stay with her, take her home on her schedule. She will also enjoy herself, maybe. You can see her there, have happy photos taken......a time to remember, not stress about.
Is there a special spa day planned by her maid of honor, and are you included?