Just moved my aunt and mother in with me. Should I wake my aunt up at night to urinate or let her sleep?

According to your profile: "I am caring for my mother Shirley, who is 85 years old, living in my home with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, broken hip, depression, incontinence, and mobility problems."

How old is your aunt, and what are her health problems?

Why not let your aunt sleep, and YOU?

Are you now the 24/7/365 caregiver for two elderly women? How and why did this happen?

No. Put disposable briefs on them for nighttime. Consider outside help (that your Mom and Aunt pay for) or a facility for at least your Aunt since realistically caring for 2 very needy elders will burn you out. Good intentions are not going to spare you of it. Bless you for wanting to do it, but please count the cost (physically, emotionally, socially and financially).

There is a diaper called

ABRIFORM. Most Absorbant. Disposal chucks in case they leak but these hold a good amount. Gave some to my friend, she just loved them!!!
Have aunt go before bed. And then put these on. heavy duty.. put them on her.. not you.. gotta joke around a lil.
Not sure what your schedule is like.. but taking care of two, by yourself? I hope you have help..,

Definitely use adult overnight briefs and get the sleep you both need

mobilitycare.com

thats Where I get these diapers. They don’t have prices, so ask and shop around. They are expensive so use them for nighttime use only..
then get calmoseptem cream.. it’s OTC, but some places keep it in the pharmacy … that’s expensive stuff too but well worth it.

Oh my goodness! Why would you allow these 2 women to move into your home? 1 is bad enough. Do you fully understand what you've now gotten yourself into?
If not, you will soon enough. I'm hoping you have a plan B in place just in case, as you need to be taking care of yourself as you matter too in this equation.
But since you've already gotten yourself into this extremely hard situation, I would say just let her sleep, so you can get your rest, otherwise you'll be burning out much quicker.
But do make sure that she not only has a very absorbent overnight diaper on along with several waterproof pads underneath, and a waterproof mattress pad her to try and keep the bedding from being soaked.
And then of course make sure in the morning that you're cleaning her up real good so she doesn't get any UTI's or skin irritations from the urine.
But most importantly MAKE SURE YOU'RE TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF!!!

You're new to this. I feel for you because you have no idea what you're in for. However, people on here are telling you, and I hope you heed their advice.

There is no way that any one normal human being can take care of two elderly women with the issues you've mentioned. NO WAY, unless you want to end up a broken, sick, exhausted, mentally unhinged and miserable old lady yourself. Also, any semblance of a good life that you had is now impossible as you wend your way through the convoluted passages of learning to be a caregiver.

Where will you dispose of the mountains of Depends? How will you keep one of them happy when the other is in her bed crying out for you? How will you keep them clean at the point where they won't bathe regularly or let you comb their hair because it hurts or start walking around with their Depends on their heads but naked the rest of the way down, as my friend's mom did? Are your grandkids expected to be around this? Are you counting on your kids to help, which usually lasts for a while but then they get tired of it?

You have much more to think about than waking up Aunt (and keeping her in supply of diapers, bed pads, peeing on your carpets, getting a rash, not cooperating when you want to change her, etc.). For your own sake, start visiting care homes where both of them can live when you've ripped all your own hair out and can't take it anymore.

My sympathies for this sad situation. Remember, you don't have to do it. They should have planned for this time in their lives, and just becasue they didn't doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself.

Welcome, Leap. We can only go by what you tell us and your profile states that your mother has dementia, which is progressive and fatal. Although your mother can perform her ADLs now, that can change overnight.

Can you find out what the overnight caregiver was doing as far as toileting your aunt?

We like to say here that more information gets you better advice. Posting a more detailed description of the situation gets you more nuanced responses.

Although I suspect strongly that your including dementia in your mom's profile caused many of us to be wary of how this may work out long term.

What will you do when their money runs out? Have you consulted a certified Elder Law attorney?

Caregiving is hard and beautiful. I will paste bedpads that helped me. There are encouraging posts on Instagram as well. Despite the negative comments, it is a blessing what you are doing.
GREEN LIFESTYLE Washable Underpads 6 Pack - Large Bed Pads, 34" x 36", for use as Incontinence Bed Pads, Reusable Pet Pads, Great for Dogs, Cats, Bunny, Seniors Bed Pad (Pack of 6 - 34x36) https://a.co/d/1d5XdU4

Also, follow @iamgertrudejordan in Instagram. I wish you well.

Good Morning,

You sound like a wonderful person! But in all honesty you are going to need to assemble a "team". The "team" consists of the following: You check out both relatives medical insurances and find out what is available to them. You DO NOT sign anything.Most Medicare plans offer with the orders/scrip written by the Primary Care Physician (PCP) a CNA (for showering) Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy, Home Blood Draw and a Nurse. This is usually a temporary situation, however, the docs and the nurse who does the home assessment can renew.

Check out what is included from the Durable Medical Equipment--basically anything that is paid--railings around the toilet, in the shower, a shower chair, nozzle hose, etc. Do not use your own $$$. I learned this the hard way. What I know now I want to share with you. Get rid of step-in slippers, throw rugs, nightgowns. Make sure your loved ones have good shoes that fit properly. If it gets too much there are day respite programs. Find one in your neighborhood.

When I took Mom home and my siblings said they would pitch in and that lasted only a week I had to find a one morning a week day respite program. Your PCP can write orders, there is a fee but also a lot of grant money available too. Some offer transportation to and from--I drove my mother both ways. They offer a continental breakfast, hot lunch, exercise and with health insurance physical and speech therapy. In my case there was an RN on duty. I needed this timeslot of four hours per week to do errands knowing that my mother was safe. This place was on the water and the employees were all fabulous. Some had serious dementia, non-responsive, very sad but I had to do this for safety reasons.

Night lights in the bathroom and make a clear pathway in the household. In some States you if your loved one is on Medicaid the State will pay you as a Caregiver. You really need to consult a social worker. In my situation, I did NOT put my mother on Medicaid because it limits her if she should have to go to a facility.

Also, this important--if either person was married to a Veteran (during time of War) there is Aid & Attendance money. It is NOT a given and a lengthy process of about 40 pages of paper work. You would need discharge papers. Again, speak to an Elder Lawyer and a Social Worker. Others are right on the forum. Look around for "Plan B" what if an emergency turns up which they need 24-hour skilled care, basically a Nursing Home. I know it's hard but you have to this NOW when you don't need it. You can do a lot online.

Finally, go on the portal. You can read their bloodline, etc. You will have it even before the doctors. Find your happy place, an indoor pool, Church, exercise class. Bring in the Church people on a Sunday, have everything delivered you possible can and don't forget buy yourself a bottle of perfume and a chocolate bar!You are a great person...I hope I was of some help. God Bless You!

We use nighttime incontinence underwear with an extra pad that is designed to be used with the underwear and two reusable bed pads that I get on Amazon. The last thing we want to do is wake Mom up when she’s sleeping at night or get up ourselves to wake her up!

Good Morning! Loved your response to the negative post. You will find many on this site that think no one can possibly take care of an elderly parent or family member let a lobe two. I am here to say it is possible and from your postings it sounds like you have thought this out carefully and are not new to watching over your mom and aunt. It sounds like you have a lot in place already. I took care of my mom and later my dad until they passed and care overlapped for a period of time. I was fortunate to keep them in their own home because I lived across the street on a dead end road. I brought in care pre-covid and then again during the last 6 months of my dads life. Where there ups and downs yes but nothing that could not be worked out and figured out. I became an expert in the end on handling the hoyer lift for not only transfers but diaper changes when depends were no longer an option. My favorite piece of equipment was a sit to stand device that you could use for toileting and transfers. In the last year this was a life saver for my dad. We only used a hoyer twice with dad. My mom we used the hoyer but the style I had allowed her to transfer in a seated not “U” position. There was a front and back hook on each bar so the front and back loops did not hook on the same hook. Much easier to use. Washable bed pads for your aunt are a plus. Overnight depends with an extra pad is what I used for mom at night. She did not wish to be toileted at night so I honored that. If you have a Sams club the adult wipes are inexpensive for the amount you get. I used these for quick wash ups in the morning. We kept a large trash can in the garage with a black bag. In the house I used a trash bag lined diaper pail. These pails were emptied when full and the bags tossed in the can in the garage. On trash days or as needed it was easy to tie up the large bag and toss in the trash can for pick up. If you get to the point of needing a bed side commode by the bags off Amazon with the white absorbent pad inside. We were able to get by with two daily. As they absorb a lot and there is no oder with them. Easy clean up too. I found space in a closet that I kept all the supplies in one spot. Washable bed pads
Smaller washable chair pads
2 sizes of Disposable bed pads for those times I was away (easier for helpers)
Depends
Diapers
Foaming Body wash for easy morning wipe downs of the private areas
Adult wipes from Sams Club for those times a shower is not an option
Destine - for mom or aunt when wearing depends. Use in the bottom crack and along the leg joint, under tummy and breast if needed. This will prevent bed sores and irritation sores at bay. My mom only got sores when at rehab or the hospital because they did not do this easy preventative step
I also kept sterile urine sample bottles from Amazon. If I suspected a UTI I would call the doctor. She would have us drop off a sample or give us a lab slip to drop off at the lab. The doctors office supplied us with a had to collect the samples.

Hopefully some of the above will help. I was blessed to be with my parents and able to care for them mom passed at 95, Dad 99. Some reading this are probably thinking I was crazy. But I was just a caring person who loved my parents. Even with psoriatic arthritis I was able to take care of my parents until the end.
If you stay positive the care is easy or at least manageable. Ignore negative comments here and from friends. That is what I did.
Those that think the AL facility they picked are excellent are turning blind eyes or not observant. They all have short comings which can shorten a loved ones life.

Wishing you the best as you move forward.
Cherish the time you have with your mom and Aunt.

Sounds like the falls risk will outweigh benefits. Especially with a broken elbow adding to poorer balance (or was that your Mother?)

So another vote for absorbant nighttime incontinence pads here. Sleep is crutial to you all.

Just keep an eye (when assisting in the bathroom) on skin for any moisture lesions (redness, rash, broken skin, blisters). If so, a barrier cream can be lightly used & quick pad change (in bed) during the night until skin is intact & healthy again.

what do you do when they refuse to wear an adult diaper?...my Mom insists on struggling to get to the bathroom, and when she gets there, she pees all over the floor and her clothes.

Please make an appointment with a Geriatric Psychiatrist who can advise you through this situation and help you figure out why you're here and sacrificing yourself.

Check this out..........perhaps you can get a discount for two. See if her doctor can prescribe it and have Medicare pay for it.

(copy and paste this long url)
https://www.purewickathome.com/purewick-urine-collection-system-starter-set-without-battery/PW100SET.html?utm_term=17426205496_140310143711_&trkid=m8_sem_google_17426205496_140310143711_&gad=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwm4ukBhAuEiwA0zQxkwWAlNSDzRBKMepgREbqoSa5aIKFBiE5u8epI8UqnEhugprXesUszhoCAwYQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

leapgirlnva: Your aunt should wear overnight protection/Depends. Perhaps you could also get a bedside commode. Ergo, this will make it easier on your aunt (depending on her age) instead of attempting to walk to the bathroom while in sleep mode and not fully awake, making her a fall risk.

I'm envious of the posters here who have everything figured out. I'm a bit sad that some think that caretaking is a joyful, loving experience. It is on some levels at some times, but at others it can be a living hell.I have always prided myself on planning carefully, researching products and actions, and working out efficient solutions.But two days ago I dragged myself to the doctor after the most horrible months of my life, when my beloved husband started to exhibit dementia. My blood pressure was 190/90. He said that I MUST stop trying to take care of everything and ordered me not to leave my house for a week. Hubby is now in assisted living and I am beginning to get a bit of health back...but I'm 73 and some of it will never come back. I could easily die before my 93-year-old husband who has full dementia. Doc says that if a number of my symptoms have not diminished by next Wed (he prescribed new BP meds and other things like anti-nausea pills) I will need to be admitted to the cardiac unit at the hospital for tests and an effort to decide whether my state is sheerly stress and therefore can be reduced or whether it reflects serious permanent damage.I guess in the eyes of some here I am a wimp because I haven't been able to maintain the endless joy of caregiving. Well, before this started people used to say I looked much younger than my age and was even athletic. Now when I run into neighbors they say, "OMG, are you ill? Do you need a ride to the doctor?Caregivers, like the people they care for, are not identical, nor can we be. Many of us are truly killing ourselves, while it appears that others just breeze through the experience. I guess on my tombstone they can put "Couldn't handle it."

PS: invest in some of the nighttime aids mentioned here. I truly could not have survived without adult male super-absorbent pull-up and underpads. And those still did not eliminate the constant need to clean walls, toilet, and the trail left on the carpet on the way to the bathroom.

Letting her sleep is kinder. We used to secure enough protection as to not compromise the mattress, even though the mattress was also properly covered. Night Defense diaper, leak proof underwear, yes it sounds excessive but for deep sleepers can’t even tell they are fully protected. Liquids must be consumed during the day, cut out time no later than 7 PM. Bed time as late as midnight. The less naps the better for an invigorating night sleep 💤. This is less taxiing for the sleeper and the person who has to walk her to the pipi room, not an enviable task by any means. There are good sprays to neutralize urine atmosphere, and a handy washing machine to clean surprises. A lot easier than let’s go empty the bladder late at night. Good luck, be okey, there are many that face this similar dilemma.

calmoseptin ointment... it is over the counter, but behind the pharmacy at some stores.

Abri-forms too...
Night defense.. ? wish I heard of that one too. I would have tried them with my LO's..

disposable chucks..

make sure you check her skin.. Is there any redness? Are the diapers too tight? change out the brands, see if that irritation goes away..

Wish I knew about that other brand.. I would have tried them both.. Maybe it was the material or the fit that caused my aunt's skin irritation..

she was not mobile.. she really couldn't move without assistance.

CHIZZLE --- GOOD ADVICE !

Let her sleep! Just make sure you have a mattress cover and pad protector underneath her. And protected briefs! (Adult diaper) you are going to need your rest!