Serious legal problem with alcoholic brother and invalid parent. Any advice?
My mother is an invalid, I take care of her at home. My brother last year took care of her for a few months as well and we would split time with her but I noticed whenever I took her back with me she was in worse condition. My brother is a compulsive manipulating liar. My brother was promised a large cash gift by my mother who is quite wealthy but it is still being held in the joint bank account I have with my mother. My brother got sick and has been staying at my house for the last 3 months because of my stupidity for feeling sorry for him. During this time I have come to realize he is a complete alcoholic, but one of those ones who hides it very well so he can trick a lot of people and was able to somehow keep my mother alive for the time she was with him prior. My mother cannot talk or write anymore. I caught my brother with my mother telling absolute lies about me and trying to manipulate her against me and into going to live with him and going out of the country. I heard every word he said and came in on him telling him he has to give me his bank info for me to transfer his cash gift from my mother, then he needs to get out of my house by the end of this month. There are no witnesses to his alcoholism that I can testify in court. I do not trust my brother at all to be able to take care of her properly but he is able to manipulate my mother very well and she is able to nod to questions so if she was brought before a judge and asked if she wanted to go traveling to Europe with my brother she would no doubt nod, because she is deluded by him no doubt because she was married to another alcoholic our father for decades. I do not want to be forced to loose tens of thousands of dollars fighting my brother in court maybe for years and maybe in the end custody removed from both of us and given to the state. I just want to know ideas on if there really is any way to protect her from him taking her places when we both have the same power of attorney for care with no primary, and without being forced to fight him in court and possibly even loose or make things worse. I would like to keep his gift from him as well but if I did then he would try and sue me for that as well. We are in Canada so the law may be different here but anyone with ideas how to get this alcoholic out of our lives may help. I just forsee him turning my mother against me then him taking her somewhere and her getting worse physically while there under his drunk care where it will be much harder for me to take care of her after they come back which makes my life harder as well and it is hard enough by far already.
Also keep a daily log of your discussions with brother, any comments he makes to mom, any evidence of drinking etc. Dates, times, everything. If you should end up in court this could be helpful to your case.
Are you signatory to her accounts and paying bills?
I don't log anything I just give him cash when he asks for it but am sick of how fast he goes through money so I want him to take legal responsibility for his gift money now, but at the same time I am afraid that giving him the entire portion of his gift outright is going to open me up to more problems as he will then have lots of money to take me to court to get permission to take her traveling while he is a careless looser alcoholic who cannot be trusted with her. I could use force to keep him from taking her from the apt but then he would call the police and tens of thousands in legal fees would end up as the result in the end as well.
Stop giving him money. You are the POA over her finances. Done. Tell your brother that he is no longer allowed unsupervised visits with mom, and that if he continues to talk against you, he won't be able to see her at all. Also tell him if he isn't cold sober you will be calling the police to have him removed.
This is more or less the nuclear option, but it'll get the job done. If he can no longer get money from mom, he'll probably move on to take advantage of someone else.
If he makes a scene, gets loud, comes over drunk, get a restraining order against him to keep him away or risk jail time.
Does anyone on the group know what type of attorney is a good one to consult about trusts and such things that would protect an elder's money for family abuse? I am not versed in these things, so couldn't give technical advice.
Second, you sound as though you may be depressed. Find out what resources are available for you to be seen by a mental health counselor so that you can get the support you need.
I would like to do that but how could I do it legally since he is 50/50 for healthcare POA, would I not loose if he took me to court and after loosing tens of thousands in legal fees as well? There is no way I can prove his alcoholism in court as there are no other witnesses to it except me.
First, I think you are overreacting over the whole POA issue. POA for health is put in place to have someone make decisions for you if you become incapacitated. Unless your mother's doctors are looking to you and/or your brother for direction on 'pulling the pug' or your mom's level of dementia is so great that they need you to co-ordinate and approve of her care it will never even come up.
As financial POA you control the purse strings, so it would be pretty hard for your unemployed brother to take her out of the country without your help. Since she lives in your home you also can deny him access to her unless you are present, so the opportunity to manipulate her wouldn't exist. If you truly feel he will move to obtain guardianship over her then you probably do need a lawyer to pursue that guardianship for yourself, but if he is just yanking your chain then you can just tune him out.
Also, I wouldn't fight over the money your mom promised to him, it is after all HERS to give.