I am a small business owner and staying with a loved one is too much. Dad is in the late stages of cancer. He has been in and out of the hospital for the past two months. Myself, my sister and my mom switch out staying with him. I do not feel someone has to be with him at all times! What are the nurses for? There is no rest in a hospital and I cannot hold my head up the next day and we depend on my income from my small business. Sister doesn't work outside the home and mom is retired. Every time I try to talk to them about my situation I am met with condescending attitudes like I don't care about Dad or am refusing to "do my part". I had someone recently tell me this sort of thing either brings families closer together or drives them apart, mostly the latter, and I can sure understand why. I am just venting. I know there is no easy answer for any of this.
As an adult, you have to make your own choices and decisions and if family tries to guilt you, don't take the bait. "That's your decision, sis. I'm sorry, but I don't have the luxury of not working"
About 4 months before my sister died, one of her "little sisters" wanted to visit her. My sister had been in the "Big Sister" program and mentored a number of troubled teens and young adults. This one had turned her life around and was so proud of herself, and grateful, that she wanted to comfort my sister by sharing her success story.
She stayed 2 hours, even though I had told her that her visit should be kept short. My sister told me afterward that she was so exhausted from feeling the obligation to be social, cordial and make conversation that she just wanted to sleep for the rest of the day.
So, Woodswalker, I think the suggestions of setting general times when you can visit would help all of you, as would each of you getting more rest for yourselves.
Ask your sister and mother to determine between themselves when they'll visit. That takes you out of the equation. You don't have to negotiate with them, worry about when they'll be there, or listen to excuses. If they go, so much the better, but if they don't, it's their choice and you can make your own decisions and set your own schedule.
And truthfully, you know that you're not responsible for them and probably can't influence their actions. They're going to do what they want to do.
It's also possible they aren't prepared mentally to deal with a terminal situation and the more they visit, the more distressed they become. It does take a lot to see a loved one at that stage. Sometimes I could barely "hold it together" before I escaped from the hospital room to compose myself.
Something I used to do was write consoling and uplifting messages in cards and leave them on my sister's or father's lap, whether they were at home or in the hospital. Then each could awake and be surprised, and the cards were with them after I had gone.
I would say the Saturday night offer is an excellent one, and if you can't be there that much more, maybe just bring pizza or whatever for everyone and spend a little time during the week when you can, and make it a point to do other things that your siblings will appreciate and remember. I know you don't need for your small business to permanently tank because you fail to tend to it properly, but hey, you only have one dad, and there are few things more important than this time in his life...I would say do what you can, and stretch a little, don't feel bad about what you really can't do. After all you know how much you really care, and if you do that and know that, you can make sure you have no regrets when it is all over!
I do recall the anxiety of leaving and thinking something drastic may have happened while I was gone. Some comfort was given though by directly asking the nurses on scene as well as calling the doctor(s) directly and asking the blunt question - i.e., how long?
Another thing Woodswalker might be able to do is ask the attending physician or oncologist what might be expected, what changes might occur, what options existed, and when would she be called on to make any necessary decisions.
If some perspective and frame of mind can help quantify those issues, it might be easier for the family not to feel as if they need to be there as frequently. Still, I do know it's an emotional as well as rational issue.