Which is a lot more expensive than the food we get for my parents that she is welcomed to have. She is from a different country and prefers food that she is accustomed to eating, which I can understand, but it has become more of an expense for my parents. She is on the phone all day long. If she’s doing something for my parents, she’s on the phone. No matter what she’s doing - she’s on the phone. Unfortunately both of my parents are disabled and I am in charge of their finances and trying to make the money last longer. I’m wondering if I am being unfair?
https://www.agingcare.com/lp/bp-homecare?campaignid=16867706577&affiliateid=C2B76E5B-BB2D-4F62-B5F2-60F00A57E756&opt=true&gclid=CjwKCAjwk_WVBhBZEiwAUHQCmQ3mBIPbwVT-Vt0csG0G5XPYVDqGaqdJwJe-wz8E9gl9QjUqdbGt_xoC_o0QAvD_BwE
Call Visiting Angels and ask how they pay their staff: that's your competition.
The caregiver was incompetent, rude, ignorant, lazy, and unprofessional. This is why they were dismissed.
The client with dementia and mobility issues, suffered a serious fall while on a walk with her caregiver.
Her "angel" was on her phone and lagging so far behind her with the wheelchair that she didn't even notice the client beginning to stumble. A neighbor saw it before her caregiver did. I would never use them.
Also, they pay minimum wage to their care staff.
The phone issue shouldn’t be a problem. Ban phone use for a few hours. Maybe from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.
People assume that live-in caregivers should be grateful for having room and board that is paid for by the employer. I absolutely agree that if the caregiver is taking advantage, then they must be informed of what they are doing, and find a solution to the problem.
The fact is that live in caregivers are not living in their own space which can feel awkward. You can imagine that it’s not the most comfortable situation. They are living in a stranger’s home but in a vulnerable situation. They might have a home today, but a life changing event could happen resulting in the caregiver becoming homeless.
Communication is important. Setting boundaries will give you a sense of control because you will be able to see if the caregivers are taking advantage of the situation. The live-in caregiver will have a schedule to follow along with expected tasks to be completed.
It is important to remember that a live-in caregiver has limited to no freedom. They are available in the middle of the night should someone fall or is in need of medical help. However, setting some rules shouldn’t make you feel guilty. These rules will help develop a respectful employer/employee relationship.
If it's going to be a 'No-Phone Zone' from 10am to 3pm, then there should be a certain block of time set aside where the caregiver doesn't have to deal with the client. No toileting, no going to check, no changing diapers or cleaning up incontinence, no client period.
If we're setting down specific rules, right?
Only that doesn't happen. Even on a live-in's day off they can't spend it at home without serving the client or meeting their needs and demands unless they can completely ignore them, which is hard to do. So they have to leave the house for the hours off and many times that's not an option they get. If family or someone else is supposed to show up and doesn't, the caregiver has to stay put.
What a fun day off, huh?
Because most live-in caregivers have as you state, 'limited to no freedom' complaining about them on their own phone (not the client's) is really just going too far. Many times the phone is the onky social interaction the caregiver gets.
This is why I won't do live-in. I always try to dissuade families from getting a single, live-in caregiver. Always hire more than one and they divide up the week. Or use day help and someone for Sleep-Duty in the overnights.
Perhaps find local caregiver that will meet your needs.
It is difficult to satisfy everybody especially when it comes to food preferences and accepting differences in background is not easy. It is even more for live in caregiver. It is that delicate balance between workplace and workplace being your home and their home at this point. Feels right to welcome them, at the same time employee/ employer relationship needs to be established.
Personally, if I had good person and they provide good care the rest is secondary.
BUT I still spent the majority of my days doing something other than hands on caring for her - I read, I gardened, I exercised and yes, I wasted time on the internet. NOBODY should be expected to be "on" every minute of their shift, I've compared the position to that of an emergency responder like a firefighter, you still get paid to sit around the fire hall waiting for a call. As long as the agreed upon duties are getting done to your satisfaction (and what those are should all be detailed in the contract) then installing cameras with the intent of catching her being idle or banning her phone is overkill.
Just give the caregiver a budget to work within or anything beyond that is out-of-pocket at her expense.
Same thing goes on during Prom season when the daughter wants a million $$$ dress and the parents are thinking more in the $250 range. Just give them a limit and the rest they can pay for.
The caregivers are welcome to any food & drink they want and yes we buy some extras they enjoy. It is not excessive and both ladies are very well cared for.
No chronic phone use but aunt's caregivers use their tablets a lot especially when aunt is napping.
As long as the work is done I have no objection.
No chronic phone use but aunt's caregivers use their tablets a lot especially when aunt is napping.
As long as the work is done I have no objection."
Agreed!
What is expected from her and what her compensation is should be in writing with a 3 or 6 month meeting to review and update based on current needs.
If she is willing and expected to be on duty 24/7 you should be willing to compensate her with her food choices, because not many caregivers are willing to be available 24/7. It is your job to ensure she is getting fair and adequate compensation. However that is done.
I would try to find a market that has what she wants for cheaper. I live in a decent size city and we have many cultural markets. Products in them are usually 3-5x more cheaper then in the regular grocery store.
I would definitely want the caregiver to hang up the phone when actively helping mom or dad, it's called respect. This is a bigger deal breaker for me then her wanting expensive food.
Her attention’s not on them - and it’s disrespectful.
Food issue: I think she’s being abusive, by intentionally seeking out more expensive items. Even ingredients to cook food from other cultures shouldn’t cost more.
You say she's on the phone all the time. I really don't see how a person can be on the phone all day long who isn't working a job in a call center. So, that's probably a bit of embellishment of the truth on your part.
You don't mention your foreign help being sent from a care agency. Is she privately hired? Much of the time a family will hire a foreign caregiver and pay them under the table in cash because it's cheaper than hiring an experienced, professional caregiver who can legally work. I can't fault people for trying to save money or make it go farther. Don't expect professional, high-quality caregiving services if you're not willing to pay what they cost.
Are your parents decently cared for? Are they clean, fed, and living in a clean environment?
If you answer 'yes' to these questions, you'd do well not to complain too much. If you're worried about making your parents' money go further, taking care of them yourself for free will really make it last.
If not and you have a decent caregiver for not one, but both of your disabled parents, I'd suggest you kick in a few bucks personally so the caregiver can eat from her own culture.
I agree with AgainX100. It is all a matter of what your agreements were in the beginning, what you are paying, whether or not her rental and food costs are a part of compensation (and how all this figures in W2 forms, and contract).
Do know if she is living in, and getting mail there (that's to say this is her primary address) you also have landlord tenant laws that are in affect. Whether she pays rent or not she may be a "tenant".
I would see an elder law attorney to run past what's going on here, how compensation is paid, and etc.
I think I would sit with her and discuss this.
This on the phone all the time thingy?? Not good. Not OK. Sometimes, ok, sure. But all the time? She needs to put it down and do some work and pay some attention to her clients. I'm not sure how to tell her this nicely but something should be done about it.
Good luck.
‘’She’s being “unfair” to them by not spending her time as a caregiver encouraging them to communicate, socialize with someone outside the home (HER, for corn sake), encourage feedback from them (whether they are able to give feedback or not), INTERACTING WITH THEM, again, whether they can even interact or not.
Do a search, whether through an agency, or by contacting a residential site (around here MANY good residential care centers also have in-home services) or even possibly a blind ad.
We had one temp that insisted we buy a VERY expensive piece of equipment for her personal use. At least she left it when LO entered full time care.
You are NOT “BEING PICKY”. Pick away!
If that feels unkind, another solution would be to increase her pay by whatever you calculate her board ought to cost on the understanding that she then buys her own food.
What are the key differences, just out of interest? I'm wondering if there could be any positive side to this, with your parents getting to try out some new tastes - it's never too late!